Looking after your own children IS work

[Bumpitybumper]

Oxford Dictionary definition of "work":
activity involving mental or physical effort done in order to achieve a purpose or result

AIBU to suggest that the people that suggest that looking after one's own children isn't work are wrong and in some cases are actively trying to devalue and undermine the people (usually women) that do the majority of childcare?

Would be really interested to understand how anyone can read this definition and argue that looking after children isn't work.

By the dictionary definition it is definitely work, and tbh having stayed at home before DC started school it can be hard work and very demanding. There are many posts on here with parents admitting they find being at home with dc difficult and prefer being at work ( employment that is!)or asking if its ok to use childcare on days they dont work.
There is a lot of pleasure and fulfillment in parenting but if you enjoy your paid job them you can also get pleasure and fulfillment from paid work too.
I think society generally considers paid employment as work, i.e if you are paid to clean someone's house you are working but if you clean your own house your not.
But I think that attitude completely undervalues the contribution of unpaid work.
I used to run my own company from home , I found trying to work when looking after small children impossible . Most parents dont work and look after children at the same time but outsource childcare while they are at (paid) work.

I think it's not black and white.

It has value, but it's not professional work. I don't think we as a society place enough value on raising our children which I think is detrimental to women and children.

I think while there are many women who are doing fantastic jobs at building professional careers or working hard on essential jobs and are also bringing up their children, I wish it was more possible to raise young children without sacrificing your career prospects as well.

I'm on maternity leave at the moment and would love to be able to stay a stay at home parent until I felt my DC were in formal education, but for me as for many women that's not possible. Its equally sad for those who can't afford to work due to childcare issues.

Interesting reading.

www.ons.gov.uk/economy/nationalaccounts/satelliteaccounts/compendium/householdsatelliteaccounts/2005to2014/chapter1executivesummaryforhouseholdsatelliteaccount

“NoIDontWatchLoveIsland”

I never said volunteering isn't valuable! But we don't need it. If we did, it would be paid.

Unfortunately, that is absolutely not true.

A family member was referred for talking therapy recently and the organisation that manages referrals is a charity that engages volunteers. This family member is a nurse doing a valuable, but low paid themselves, so no possibility of paying to go private.

Similarly, there are people who would have died (and some that did) without the efforts of volunteers running food banks over the last decade.

Many more examples. Some volunteers are there precisely because there is a need for them.

I need to get on with some paid work now, instead of arguing on MN

@ilovemykids5000

I'm not sure anyone would want mine at this grumpy teenager stage!

I do all those things that have been mentioned for SAHMs as well as work. I am not sure how someone whose kids are at school for 6 hours can say they are a 'full time mum'. I am also a full time mum, if I have to leave work to pick up a sick child from school I need to look after them, do the household chores plus log on when I can to complete my work.

The only difference is I cant do the cleaning/household jobs between 9 and 330 and have to do it after 530pm or after the DCs go to bed.

I dont see SAHM as something to be devalued, in fact personally for me it was something that meant a lot for me, I took 5 years off work to stay at home with the DCs.

Working parents do have it harder - I’m sorry but it’s true.

That's a very simplistic assumption. Some working parents have it harder, some definitely don't. I've done both and definitely found/find being a working parent easier.

Everyone's situations will differ and will determine how easy/hard they find both dynamics. The level of Equality in your relationship/ finances/location/ how much help you have with childcare/ help with domestics/ how much you like your job/ your personality/ your child's personality/ how many children you have/ social skills etc. etc. will all have an impact. As ever with this topic - it's nuanced and there are no absolutes.

Also as I've said upthread, I think it's lovely if you want to & can afford to be at home..I don't know why you are all desperately justifying something that does not need justifying.

It is work. And childcare (indeed, care in general) is massively undervalued and underpaid.

I work full time and feel guilty about it. But I also got to breaking point on mat leave, for me being a SAHM is much harder than working. I have three under four though, all bad sleepers, which doubtless colours my experience!

I don't know why you are all desperately justifying something that does not need justifying.
is that from the poster who accuse SAH parent to do fuck all day?

I could be a very happy SAH WIFE if I didn't have kids Too late now, got them, got to pay for them. But I am always puzzled by people who would do nothing at all day and be bored if they were not going to the office. How can anyone be bored, it's beyond me. Shame they feel the need to project onto others though.

I think it is work - just as you would call housework, schoolwork, homework as 'work'. However, it isn't anywhere near the same as 'having a job' or 'being employed'. I'm not saying which one is harder/better but just that they're different. This is from my experience of working part-time (3 days a week with 2 days being a sahm).

So how many hours a week do you do volunteering @Bumpitybumper

The annual economic value of childcare carried out by stay-at-home parents is £320bn, according to a 2016 estimate by the Office for National Statistics. That’s a lot of “non work”

Also,

@Changeofname79 I get what you’re saying about fitting in the housework
But I am a SAHP. My eldest is in year 1 and my others are just turned four and two. They are are home four days a week and three respectively. I cannot do all the housework, chores, errands run etc whilst they are around either. They cannot be left for any length of time and are exhausting. So, like you I also have to do the ironing, cleaning, folding, prepping for next day and all the stuff you have to do when you get in. I do at least three hours of all that every night when they’ve gone to bed which is normally youngest finally giving in to sleep at 8 pm.

There are many days when I dream about being back at work! At least I get a toilet break, a hot drink , adult conversation and the chance to finish something I start 😂

s that from the poster who accuse SAH parent to do fuck all day?

If you can afford to do fuck all all day without any benefits, and your partner is 100% happy to support you to do that, good for you & who else's business is it?

But doing fuck all all day is not work

And I’m also a single parent. Nobody here making me a meal, going back up to settle them , load the dishwasher, sort the bills, school bags etc.

For most of us in one way or another life is pretty relentless and full on

By having a child who has attention paid to them, homework helped with, talents nurtured e.g. going to a sports lesson, music tuition. Etc

Practically everyone I know is a WOHP and they all manage that.

Nothing wrong with being a SAHP, but I’m baffled by comments like this.

Not rtft but as the primary carer I don’t see my children as ‘work’. They are a both a joy and a challenge and sometimes exhausting but are the natural result of my selfish choice to reproduce and one which comes with responsibilities - bloody looking after them!

This working inside/outside the home phraseology is a nonsense. I took time out to care for my pre schoolers. I wasn’t working inside the home, I was enjoying the privilege of being a stay at home parent and grateful for every tough, joyful, demanding, repetitive, rewarding, and deathly boring day where I got to be my children’s primary influencer.

We don’t do women or feminism any service by voluntarily having babies and then declaring it hard work and a full time job. I chose to look after my kids and just happen to own a uterus. It’s a vocation for sure, but those of us who can do this are bloody lucky and shouldn’t be so chippy about our decisions in relation to their care. Be proud of not working, if it means you are bringing up the next generation yourself. Don’t dress it up in office politics.

@itsallthedramaMickiloveit
So how many hours a week do you do volunteering Bumpitybumper
No formal volunteering whatsoever. What's your point?

place any value on it?

Why would anyone (other than that child's other parent) place value on you looking after your own kids?

I don't care frankly. You chose to have kids, you chose to stay at home. Why do you need to feel valued by anyone else?

I place value on things that benefit me. You staying home to look after the kids you chose to have doesn't benefit me in any way.

It benefits you and your partner therefore if it's valuable to both of you then that's all that matters.

But doing fuck all all day is not work
but that's YOU, doesn't mean everyone would chose to do nothing, that's the point..

I never said volunteering isn't valuable! But we don't need it. If we did, it would be paid

What a stupid comment.