Looking after your own children IS work

[Bumpitybumper]

Oxford Dictionary definition of "work":
activity involving mental or physical effort done in order to achieve a purpose or result

AIBU to suggest that the people that suggest that looking after one's own children isn't work are wrong and in some cases are actively trying to devalue and undermine the people (usually women) that do the majority of childcare?

Would be really interested to understand how anyone can read this definition and argue that looking after children isn't work.

@MarginalGain
Don't tell me what my point was.

The please tell us because you've not made much sense.

So, basically if SAHP is work, then WOHP are doing two full time jobs?

'So, basically if SAHP is work, then WOHP are doing two full time jobs?'

Err no unless you're looking after your children at the same time as working? How can it be 2 fulltime jobs as you will leave your children to go to work and outsource your childcare.

Gotcha. So SAHP stops being a full time job as soon as the kids are in nursery or school or are with another caregiver at points during the week?

You're still looking after them when you are home, 8 hours at work and then 16 at home- by some of the logic in this thread that's 2 full time jobs.

Well let's see what looking after children, ie. work encompass! Being up in the night when they wake up crying. Getting them up, dressed, giving them breakfast. Then entertaining them for a few hours, until they have a nap, or they sit in front of TV. Getting their lunch ready. Going out in the afternoon, nap again, giving them a snack, then preparing dinner, giving dinner, bath, reading a book, cuddle, then cleaning the house.

Let's see what SAHM do there that working parents don't do. Entertaining for a few hours in the morning, taking them out for a few hours afternoon/entertaining and... that's about it if working mum has to prepare a lunchbox.

So yes, I would agree that working mums do two jobs is caring for one own child is work.

Can’t people understand that when someone decides to be a SAHP, it’s not because they think, “ooh yes, I must stay home to get on top of laundry or all the cleaning by 6pm.” That is just “life stuff” that gets done when and as you can fit it in, (though I would say there is a lot more mess and cleaning when kids are home all day, as opposed to when they’re out at nursery or somewhere). To be perfectly blunt, all families I know with a SAHP also have a cleaner a few times a week. So when people on here say, well I come home at 6pm and I just “ do it all” they are kind of missing the whole point of being a SAHM. The point being, is that you have made a decision to be at home to educate or socialise your children, or to give them the particular early life experiences that you want them to have. You actually have to be very organised and creative be at home all day with young kids. You have a routine and you have to get out and about or you go crazy. We were never in. There’s no way young kids will just sit round while you do housework. There is so much you can do with them and, like anything else in life, being a SAHP is what you make it.

And yes, it’s obviously different when they’re at school.

There’s no way young kids will just sit round while you do housework
Really? What about sahp would can't afford to take their kids out every day for hours?

Since when are kids not able to just play at home? Little kids nap, they also spend a lot of time just observing what is going on around them. There's time to do some cleaning whilst looking after kids.

Maybe it is. But more importantly it’s a lifestyle CHOICE. So choose to have kids = be prepared for the work involved. Of course you’re entitled to a little moan about it, but you’re not entitled to think it makes you any better off/worse off than anyone else. We all make our choices in life

This depends so much on your disposition, the nature of the work you do, the nature of your children (can you equate being a SAHM to SEN vs NT kids in terms of difficulty?), your household income... it’s such a pointless thing to debate.

It's not work, it's spending time with your family and raising them. Work is something you do for people outside of your family or for a company, either for pay or on a voluntary basis for a non-profit organisation.

I do both - stop moaning

If you wouldnt put it on your CV under "previous emplyment" then no it's not work. As a parent you have a duty of care to those children, it's a duty not a job or work. I dont feed my baby and then think of it in anyway shape or form as work. Its nurture and care. I see work as something that I'm not happy about doing, going to work sucks! Doing chores sucks! Looking after children yes is hard and tiring at times but it's very rewarding and a pleasure.

I don't understand why people choose to have children and then moan about how hard it is to look after them! No one said it is an easy 'job' but I say it's the most rewarding.

dontdisturb - well, in my case, just as one example, they’d was a time when I had a newborn, two year old, four year old and a six year old. So in a given weekday, that’s four DC out the door at 8am for the school run (and no so never asked DH to get up on the night with the babies because he had work or he was away with work). Then you come back. You’re trying to occupy a two year old and a six year old while basically constantly bf. You can go mental. So you have a routine which involves getting out and about, meeting people, having friends over with their kids, doing music, or art or gym groups with them, etc but it’s hard because obviously there’s different groups for different ages, so often it’s easier to just bundle them up and go and feed the ducks or whatever you can make up off the top of your head. I’m lucky as we’re in quite central London and I could walk anywhere and we have great parks. I’m lucky that I could just walk out the food and I’d always bump into someone I knew. On days when I had the energy, we’d do “creative” things all day or “baking” or I’d cover the place and let them paint. But they’re all different ages and all wanted to different things. Then you have to go out a 3pm to get the older one from school and the baby falls asleep in the car which means she wouldn’t settle at night until 9pm. Anyway, I’m not moaning because it was tiring but fun for the most part, but what I’m saying is, it was never about this task or that task particularly or “doing it all” after 6pm. If kids are there all day, they’re there all day and that’s the end of it. You just have to go with it.

I have my grandchildren on alternate weekends. It’s way more exhausting than my day job. It’s definitely work. Those of you who claim to have children and work full time are only able to do so because someone else is doing the work of caring for your child.

Try all you like, but it’s harder working full time with children than being a SAHM!!

Well thankfully, you don't get to decide for others what is harder.

It depends on your children, how many you have, their ages, if they have any additional needs, your personality, coping levels, family support, type of job and so on.

Being a SAHM was hard. Working full time is hard. For me they both come with different types of hard. It doesn't need to be a competition.

There are loads of things people can do with their time. But we only have about 14 active hours per day. All things being equal, SAHP has more time to spend on home-related things compared to WOHP. That means they have the potential do more at home than wohp. WOHP have more earned income, but SAHP may choose to spend their time on looking for ways to save money/increase value (eg managing house extension, looking for bargains). That is not to say WOHPs do not do this, they just have less potential time for it.

Cost-benefit really depends on skill-set and priorities of each family.

Walk out the door, not food!

I don't understand why people choose to have children and then moan about how hard it is to look after them! No one said it is an easy 'job' but I say it's the most rewarding.

It was my choice to have children, to get married, to work in the field I work in , to study and so on. It doesn't mean that you can't moan at times when you are finding the choices you made difficult. It is human nature.

Besides, you don't actually know how difficult parenting can be until you are one.

This all depends, doesn’t it? Going through the process of writing a cv, looking for jobs, going for interviews and negotiating a salary worth more than the cost of childcare, is all a lot harder when you’ve already got little kids taking up your brain space at home.... looking after kids, any kids - is work

I argue that it is actually work and I do believe in other countries is recognised as such. I think the work of being a SAHP is grossly undervalued in UK society

Rubbish,
Millions of mothers work full time and look after their kids. If anyone would have said other wise when I worked 3-4 nights / week while my son slept at his dads then I did breakfast and took to school, napped for a few hours then picked up for lunch and after school to feed and bath and do play dates and homework then take back to dads to tuck into bed would’ve had the sharp edge of my tongue. Yes SAHM have it easier, would I have loved to do it? Yes, please don’t moan about it if you are one of the lucky few that can. Honestly some people could moan without Oxygen. Looking after my son was a love not work.