Please help with what to do about my elderly neighbour

[AMANursery]

Hi all, not necessarily an AIBU but not sure where to post, really.

I have been concerned about my elderly neighbour that lives directly below me for months now. I am unsure of his health status as I have only met him briefly twice, however I am certain that there is some form of mental health issue. The issue started with him posting letters through our letterbox regularly apologising for the constant noise. As there was no noise, we would write letters back saying please don’t worry there is no noise. (We would go around to speak to him face to face but he wouldn’t answer the door)
After a couple of weeks of posting letters, tradespeople then started turning up to our flat, ordered by our neighbour to investigate this phantom noise. The tradespeople ranged from plumbers to electricians to gas engineers. Each time I explained the situation, allowed them entry for peace of mind but the conclusion was always the same. There is no issue. It started to get to the point where we’d be receiving 3 visits from different tradespeople per week.
I started to get concerned about the amount of money my neighbour must be spending on tradespeople so I contacted age uk to see what I could do. I was hoping to be able to arrange some form of welfare check. They basically said with no consent from the neighbour they couldn’t do anything. I called social services who also said the same thing. I called the property manager who said he was aware of the situation as the neighbour also calls him regularly. I asked what we could do and he said he has no details on my neighbour and due to him not allowing access to his property, his hands are also tied. The property manager informed me that the neighbours main concern is that this ‘noise’ is unsettling for us and our baby.
I wrote the neighbour a very long letter thanking him for being so concerned about this noise but assuring him that there is no noise and that I really want him to stop wasting money on tradespeople.

It all went quiet for a couple of weeks so I thought the issue was over.

Fast forward to this morning, 5am I am woken up to the buzzer. I answer and it’s the fire brigade saying there has been reports of a fire in my home. They come in, investigate, no fire. They then say they are going to make some calls. 10 minutes later they come back and ask if we have issues with our neighbour. I said I am aware of him and he said that he had called them because he was worried our phone batteries had died. Clearly, whatever issue is going on is getting worse and I just don’t know what to do or who to ask to help him.
I know nothing about him, only his first name.
Would it be dramatic to call the police 101 to explain? I am worried that emergency services is going to be our neighbours next point of call and concerned about what a waste of resources this is. If I call and explain do you think maybe they could go round and do a welfare check or something? Or am I going to be wasting police time?

Thanks in advance.

F
Gosh this sounds so difficult for you. I think I would ring the police and see if they can do anything. I hope they can!

It definitely isn't wasted resources. I would definitely call 101. Keep a diary of every single thing that your neighbour does, this will help as you'll be able to provide a list with examples and show them how much it is happening.

They may do nothing at first and it may be a while and take a lot of contact from you before the police or social services actually take action.

Is this some weird way oh him telling you your making too much noise? Odd, I know, but maybe it’s his way of saying he is hearing a lot of noise. Not saying you are, but if they are home alone, probably take more notice of every sound?

He clearly needs a vulnerable adult social worker to at least visit and see if there’s any (probably mental health) support that can be offered. Maybe as he has called fire service (not in a mean way but he has wasted resources) 101 may be able to help push for a vulnerable adult SW assessment

Absolutely call the police. On one hand you are concerned for him, on another he is in effect harassing you. Sending people to your flat, calling out the fire brigade. Didn’t the fire men go and call on him in person? It’s an offence to call out the emergency services on a hoax isn’t it?

I’m not saying you should allege harassment but you do need someone to go and speak to him and see what’s going on/ tell him to stop involving you.

Thanks for your replies so far. Will definitely be calling 101 once I’ve got the baby back to sleep.

@imip I did think this, especially as it coincided with my baby getting more active but the neighbour told the property manager and several tradespeople that he doesn’t hear any noises himself but can that we’re complaining of a noise that is coming from his flats. He said he worries it keeps the baby up. It’s very sad, he is genuinely concerned for us.

If he’s essentially sending a stream of tradespeople to your home, and now the fire brigade, at what point would that be considered harassment? I’d probably be taking that as a route to get this addressed by the authorities. Might sound harsh but your concerned approach hasn’t got you far it seems.

Bizarre OP, it’s hard to carry that worry for someone else, isn’t it? I’d assume asking police to do a welfare check might be sensible?

If he was genuinely concerned for you surely he would listen to what you’re saying and leave you in peace? I agree he has issues but they don’t sound as benevolent to me as you might think.

The fire brigade in my area can put in vulnerable adult referral to social work, hopefully those that attended will do this.

Are you absolutely sure that he doesn't mean that You are making noise and he just can't bring himself to say that directly?
Does your heating system clunck? Do you have hard floors?

Call the council and ask for this person at this address to be reported to adult social services, he is a vulnerable person

If he keeps phoning the fire brigade then this is obviously going to cause issues

I’m surprised social services aren’t interested. I rang them about an elderly client of mine (she kept trying to massively overpay me, would run out to my car and throw money through the window and had a huge pile of cash in a table in her kitchen). They saw her the next day. Maybe it depends where you live but it might be worth another call.

He needs a social services assessment. He may have a medical condition such as tinitus.

Call the council adult SS dept.
Do you know who his GP might be? Do you ever see him out (shopping etc?) or any visitors/family you could raise concerns with?

Surely he has some family somewhere.
I would ask him and inform the family - not necessarily because of his nuisance behaviour but more as a concerned neighbour. Does he go out?
Is there no reason you can contact SS about him.
Don't spose you kept all the letters?

I would suggest the following:

• call 101 for something like today's occurrence and explain the previous lower level incidents with tradesmen. Ask how they suggest you proceed for future. (Some police forces have an online form you can complete instead of ringing).
• call single point of access number in your area and raise concerns for their mental health and ask if they can assess (they may refuse)
• if you know which GP surgery he uses write to it and outline all the concerns and ask if they can invite him for a health check to then assess whether he needs a mental health referral (if you only have three or so surgeries you could pop a letter to each of not sure where registered)

Be warned, you are likely to be fobbed off or ignored and the only way to force intervention is to be polite but persistent.

Your neighbour is so lucky to have an understanding neighbour like you. I have a relative with MH problems who causes their neighbours a lot of stress and I'm so grateful they are tolerant and understanding as many people would not be.

I'm sorry you're being affected

How about calling your local doctors surgeries. They won't be able to tell you if he's registered with them, but if you explain the problem and give his address and first name, then the doctor could call him in for a 'routine health check' if he's registered with them

I am pretty sure that he isn’t inadvertently complaining of us being noisy as he has always said he can’t hear any noises. He is convinced we’ve complained of a noise and he thinks he is doing his bit to help us. If our heating did make noise I’m sure the stream of plumbers we’ve had in the property would have mentioned this. Plus, calling the fire brigade wasn’t linked to hearing any noise he was concerned that our phone batteries had died.
Just to confirm, I did contact social services but they said they couldn’t do anything without more information or his consent. I’m unable to get any information about him as he won’t answer the door to me. I know his first name and his address and SS needed his surname and doctors surgery which I Have no way of knowing. He owns his flat so the information the property manager has on him is limited. I have never seen anyone going in and out of his flat, I have been in contact with the neighbour next to him (I’m above him) and she said she rarely sees him and as far as she’s aware, he has no family.

Calling the police now. Thanks for your help!

I have the female version of your neighbour. She has along with some MH issues tinnitus believe it or not
It isn't just ringing in the ears. You need to try find out who his doctor is.. do you live in a smallish place with a few surgeries or you may have to ask him just by way of conversation.

Does the Property Manager have any details of next of kin? If there isn’t any, surely social services have something in place for situations like this. It could be dementia and he needs help/support. Is he looking after himself, personal hygiene, etc?

Have you tried going round to his flat yourself? or your partner doing so?
I think that might be a good start, if he will give you entry, and just talk to him.
It sounds like he's hearing voices in his head, since you say you're not complaining about noises but he thinks he's heard you doing so.

If he will let you into his flat then you could, during the course of conversation, manage to at least find out his last name and possibly the name of his doctor, if you ask questions in a roundabout way, like "if anything happens to you, who should we call for you?"

But if you're not game to actually go to his flat (and I do NOT mean in a confrontational way, more in a "getting to know your neighbour" way) then yes, call the police for a welfare check and to let them know that you're having these issues.

It's bordering on harassment, except that he seems to be doing it for "good" reasons - but it's disrupting your life and it needs to be stopped.

I agree, keep a diary & evidence like letters, singed call out from trades people and fire brigade reports (if possible you should get incident number.)
Armed with this, go to the police they have the power to get social services involved. Hopefully things get better for you. It's a tricky thing, because if he pays all his bills and lives otherwise a quiet life there is little anyone can do.

I thought about tinnitus too.

I wish you luck getting him help, it took me TWO YEARS begging for help for my own mother with MH issues for her even to get an assessment. Social services are mostly disinterested.

Is it likely that you are with the same GP? If so you could let the practice know of your concerns.

If he owns his flat could you get his details from the land registry? It costs around £3 to download the deeds which should have his name on. Then you might be able to get further with social services?