Please help with what to do about my elderly neighbour

[AMANursery]

Hi all, not necessarily an AIBU but not sure where to post, really.

I have been concerned about my elderly neighbour that lives directly below me for months now. I am unsure of his health status as I have only met him briefly twice, however I am certain that there is some form of mental health issue. The issue started with him posting letters through our letterbox regularly apologising for the constant noise. As there was no noise, we would write letters back saying please don’t worry there is no noise. (We would go around to speak to him face to face but he wouldn’t answer the door)
After a couple of weeks of posting letters, tradespeople then started turning up to our flat, ordered by our neighbour to investigate this phantom noise. The tradespeople ranged from plumbers to electricians to gas engineers. Each time I explained the situation, allowed them entry for peace of mind but the conclusion was always the same. There is no issue. It started to get to the point where we’d be receiving 3 visits from different tradespeople per week.
I started to get concerned about the amount of money my neighbour must be spending on tradespeople so I contacted age uk to see what I could do. I was hoping to be able to arrange some form of welfare check. They basically said with no consent from the neighbour they couldn’t do anything. I called social services who also said the same thing. I called the property manager who said he was aware of the situation as the neighbour also calls him regularly. I asked what we could do and he said he has no details on my neighbour and due to him not allowing access to his property, his hands are also tied. The property manager informed me that the neighbours main concern is that this ‘noise’ is unsettling for us and our baby.
I wrote the neighbour a very long letter thanking him for being so concerned about this noise but assuring him that there is no noise and that I really want him to stop wasting money on tradespeople.

It all went quiet for a couple of weeks so I thought the issue was over.

Fast forward to this morning, 5am I am woken up to the buzzer. I answer and it’s the fire brigade saying there has been reports of a fire in my home. They come in, investigate, no fire. They then say they are going to make some calls. 10 minutes later they come back and ask if we have issues with our neighbour. I said I am aware of him and he said that he had called them because he was worried our phone batteries had died. Clearly, whatever issue is going on is getting worse and I just don’t know what to do or who to ask to help him.
I know nothing about him, only his first name.
Would it be dramatic to call the police 101 to explain? I am worried that emergency services is going to be our neighbours next point of call and concerned about what a waste of resources this is. If I call and explain do you think maybe they could go round and do a welfare check or something? Or am I going to be wasting police time?

Thanks in advance.

I also agree with possible auditory hallucinations related to some type of dementia. He could have Other long term MH issues too on top. In this case a phantom knock on the door will be as real as an actual knock.

Definitely agree with 101 and see if they can arrange for a welfare check and for advice on what to do. Keep a note of incidents. It’s awful for him and you but you do have a right to get on with life without this level of disturbance.

I have a neighbour with OCD and other MH issues. He was obsessed over where he wanted me to park my car. He was coming round at all hours asking me to move it and getting aggressive when I refused. The police called round and gave him a harassment notice. He’s not bothered me since. If your neighbour has dementia though it’s not likely to be as simple as he may not remember/understand what the harassment letter requires of him. I hope you get some help in sorting this out. It sounds awful for everyone involved.

Just to add my first thought was hallucinations relating to dementia or tinnitus. Unfortunately if it is some sort of dementia he could be putting not only himself but also you at risk. (Leaving the stove on etc).

It’s so frustrating that there isn’t some sort of easy pathway to follow for this. We talk about caring for people in the community, and looking out for the vulnerable. Yet when someone needs support, people are passed from pillar to post because of confidentiality.

An older lady across the road from me was complaining about loud music at 2 in the morning, and at one stage was convinced that 10 people moved in to the house next door to me in the middle of the night.

She had the onset of dementia and now lives with her daughter and I think these night episodes were due to that.

101 seems the right decision, and should be more willing to help if he's now calling emergency services.

I suppose the landlord isn't aware of any relatives? Although the police should be able to track them down.

If not, I assume social services will get involved on police authority?

He's a vulnerable adult, surely - sounds like some form of dementia or mental illness. I'm surprised social services can't help - how does an elderly person living alone who develops dementia or mental illness get any help? I probably shouldn't ask - but is it that services are so stretched that "they don't" ?

Definitely try 101, OP.

Could you invite him in for a cup of tea and cake when your dh is there as well. Have general chit chat to ascertain how he responds, maybe ask him for suggestions about GPs to compare with your own or something like that. You could mention the noise issue in a casual way and ask him what it sounds like. If it’s a high pitched ringing noise suggest it might be something your father has (lie) called tinnitus and maybe he can get help with it.

Hope the police are able to advise. I’m inclined to agree with PP that he sounds like he could be a vulnerable adult who would benefit from social care input, and the police can make a referral.

For context, a few years ago, my DM started “hearing” voices upstairs, and was convinced people were living in her attic. I photographed the loft, reassured her, and even on one occasion took her up their to see there was nothing but dust (v, old house), but she remained not only convinced people were there, but really frightened, because the situation was real to her.

In her case, it was the beginning of the decline of her mental health, and a long & difficult saga of trying to keep her safe. Unfortunately, Social Care are under huge pressures and it is likely that several contacts will be required before anything is done. What I want to say is don’t let this put you off. It is probably better for your neighbour if you are persistent about contacting after every episode.

After too much experience of it, it does sound like some sort of dementia to me. People with dementia can become obsessed with all sorts of things that are all in their own heads. My mother went through several - they could last for days, weeks, or even months.

Unfortunately it’s true that unless the person has been officially deemed to lack capacity, social services can do nothing without their permission/cooperation, and it’s quite common for people who are evidently in need of help to refuse to let anyone enter the house. Sadly it may take an eventual crisis of some sort before anything can happen.

However, I do believe that if worrying incidents concerning a person who appears to be vulnerable, are reported to the police, they are obliged to inform SS. I have seen this course recommended to neighbours of someone who’s e.g. repeatedly wandering off and getting lost.
It does sound as if you’d be entitled to report your worries under a harassment heading.

Yes to calling the police. They can at least carry out a welfare check.

The only small caveat about involving the police is that, if he's dissuaded from calling various services, I'd worry he'll start hammering on your door in person

That said, if adult social services blank you there may be no other choice

Well this must be very frustrating and concerning OP, but obviously it's benign which affects matters greatly. I had a situation some years back where I was being harassed in a malignant manner by someone with mental health difficulties and no matter where I turned I could get no help as the behaviour was not illegal. Mental health services in the area wouldn't intervene either as apparently this persons mental health status was none of my business! I so wish it hadn't been...

I hope your situation is resolved more effectively than mine was.

Another one thinking some form of dementia, what a difficult situation for you OP. I hope he gets the help he needs soon

Do you know if this man has any family OP?

Just a suggestion. When I had concerns about a neighbour, but had very little info about her. I went into our local GP surgery. They were able to check if she was a patient from the address.

She was indeed a patient and said make contact with her and deal with any concerns.

They we fantastic without compromising any of her personal details to me.

@Gottalovesummer

That sounds like an excellent plan.

Also, the GP can contact next of kin

I had a similar problem with our neighbour and was advised by a friend to call our doctor's surgery. There was - for us anyway - a community mental health nurse - who visited. It turned out she had previously been aware of our neighbour who had drifted away from contact with the surgery. After that the situation improved quite rapidly.