To ask what you did with your explosive child?

[Heygirlheyboy]

Currently reading the book, just starting but would really appreciate other people's what works for their similar DC. I have one extremely cooperative easy DC so it's not a general parenting thing tho I do wonder if there's an element of learned behaviour in it as destructive, behaviour often gets a reaction. He has been given a lot of empathy and understanding as well as tougher love. Consequences and punishment mean absolutely nothing in terms of changing or improving the behaviour and simply breed more resentment in the short term in an already difficult situation. In school he is overall very very well behaved but the teacher can see the restrainrr steam coming out of his ears at times over perceived slights ie he can't stand being corrected and seems unable to see his own role ie his behaviour led to it. I am drained tonight after a partiiclarly horribel episode out of nowhere that blew up in seconds. For.now I have decided to attempt to remove the oxygen by not discussing afterwards and just gave a curt good night..He is 7 gets a lot of one on one with.both parents and I would say I have a incredibly close relautonship with him but I am fed up at what seems like incredibly disrespectful behaviour. Anyone with similar I would love your dos and donts for what works and doesnt.
Posted in chat but no response and would really love an ear.

That.drained.feeling can be more than just.emotions.

Yeap I'd do whatever you can to keep yourself healthy. Take multivitamins if you can't get to the GP for a while.
When everything is peaceful take some time out for yourself (before house tidying etc).

And yes you have to keep people safe - separation is often the best strategy for that. But also like with a toddler try to distract before things get too bad.

I’m not saying this is at all a solution for everyone or anything like that but your son sounds a lot like my cousins ds and at 8 she was at the end of her tether and put her in martial arts and it has really done wonders for her anger and self discipline

Him!

Thanks for support. I take cod liver oil for Vit D plus B12 so I'm ok. I'm emotionally drained. I lost my mum six months ago also and haven't settled so well into new area since.move, a lot of sadness on the inside.

My explosive child couldn’t hold it in at school so we sought a diagnosis to get the help she needed. Primary school was hellish for her, and us as parents. She got an ASD diagnosis at 8. Aspergers under the old criteria. I came across Pathological Demand Avoidance on the Autism Society website. This describes DD very well. She is bright, articulate, sociable and imaginative but highly anxious and has sensory processing disorder. She manages her anxiety by trying to manipulate and control her environment. If this doesn’t work she explodes. She is 12 and puberty has been fun.

Yes pda and odd both tie in with my ds at times... pda.not really mentioned by professionals I find, not sure why. Definitely controlling is a thing.

I found the book 'talking to children so that they listen' helped. I also did the Solihull course to understand and identify emotions. I also kept a behaviour diary and noticed triggers

I've read that book, must reread. Triggers really can be anything not going his way and kaboom! At two he got over things no.problem, I thought I'd cracked it, no terrible twos! Eyeroll.

Hi, I feel for you. DS1 was explosive, and I did not handle well at all. It wasn't until someone brought up ASD that the pieces fell together. After diagnosis, I could access courses that were so helpful in understanding what was happening and possible strategies. Now that he is older, he has calmed down a huge amount.

Google 5 point scale - useful for NT as well as special needs kids! It helps them recognise their own feelings and their own 'boiling point' and what they (and others) could do to turn this around.

We didn’t get any support over our PDA suspicions until current (year 7) SENCO. She agrees with us and has shared PDA info with all subject teachers.

Reginabambina wow your post really resonates with me as I was/still am like this!

Can I ask if you find people rub you up the wrong way a lot? ie I've always fallen out with various people through my life/there's been a drama. I have a decent amount of friends, including from childhood and university etc, and a DH and a good relationship with family and work colleagues, so it hasn't hindered me in that sense, but it's almost like I struggle to leave things unsaid if they've bothered me. So as a result over the years I've had run ins with various people - boyfriends mums, housemates, brother/sisters in laws. I'm the common denominator so it must be something to do with me!

Sorry OP I didn't answer your question. My DS age 4 can be a bit explosive but it's more that he has big emotions I think. I found the book How to talk so little kids listen SO useful. There's one for older children too (you probably already know this so apologies if I'm stating the obvious. Good luck)

There's a lot of great advice on this thread. Just wanted to add OP if you're on Facebook, join the B team and therapeutic parenting pages, both a great source of support to me (& my 7 year old explosive DS). Also 'raising human beings' is another good book by dr Ross Greene. & I second keeping a journal to look for patterns. It's so hard, hang in there!

Thanks all. Faw2009 thanks, thing is he shows no interest in wanting to stop, being cooperative about it..

Me not being emotional in response turned out to be hugely helpful.
It was just so nice to read it wasn't anyone's fault. Not mine nor my child's.

How does he feel when he calms back down? Happy? Exhausted? Defiant? Once he realizes there's an issue with negative repercussions for him, he may be more motivated to attempt change. I remember being scared that ds' tantrums made him a target for bullies, and that his emotional distress made him at risk for suicide. Terrifying.

I mentioned SNAP before but here's a I didn't do the program, and it was developed for at risk youth, but the SNA_P tool works well for explosive kids with functional families as well. I can't find a link to just the tool, but this page has the "stop lights" that we used.

One thing that helped mine visualize the impact of their behaviour on others was talking about how much "happy energy" we each had. If everyone was cooperative and helpful, I'd have more happy energy to use for fun activities. The uncooperative/misbehaviour/tantrums used up my happy energy and there was only enough left for essentials. They used to ask me how much happy energy I had left :-) And sometimes would help try to boost it when I wasn't feeling well (health issues). Or ask to take a break to replenish their own stores.

Oh, and re: diagnosis - my ds had none, and needed none. He learned coping mechanisms with the interventions we implemented. He didn't like feeling anxious & out of control.

I describe the difference between an explosive child and "regular" child's tantrum by how amenable they are to distraction. There was no way to distract ds, just had to wait it out. The others had tantrums but could be sometimes redirected with "Look! A puppy!" or something similar.

Thank you. I would say he can feel aggrieved and defiant depending on our reaction to behaviour. Can also be contrite. Thanks for those links. Mood changes completely and.instantly if doesn't get his way and would change back as quick if we let hum have it.

A great morning thankfully, played overall very well with his DB and did lots of little jobs for me. Hopefully this enforced extra time together will be a positive.

The book is incredibly helpful and affirming. This is actually the way I used to parent but life has got in the way and I've changed. On top of that my dh is definitely a Plan A type so he will have to work on that. It all makes sense and all the examples are so familiar! So far so good and another close and happy day.

Eyeroll and apologies. Have reported.

FOOD ALLERGIES. One of my kids is an absolute monster when he eats certain (common) foods. Took years to figure it out. He's like a different person. Good luck.

That's very interesting.. actual allergies, not intolerances? Will keep an open mind to everything.

At 7 my explosive child was undergoing tests with camhs and now has a dx of ADHD and takes meds. They've helped but not 100%of the time, there's still sn element of us needing to 'manage' situations, explain expectations of behaviour before we get to a place, plan movement breaks etc etc. Parenting puzzle techniques have been invaluable. Good luck!