Ds2 just had the occasional outbursts, minor in comparison to most kids, but explosive for him. He’s now 15. So I don’t know if this is of any use. But I would sit down with him and say when x happened, what was my/dads/your teachers reaction? And he would say I was told off/missed play/had to come off my play station etc. Then I would ask so what did you want to happen? It would normally be something along the lines of not to be shouted at/to stay on my PlayStation. Then go into so if you wanted X to happen, but you know that by doing Y, you aren’t going to get it, then why do it? He would normally say something like but I couldn’t help it/I did it before thinking etc. So we worked on well the next time you are annoyed/unhappy/frustrated that something has happened, take a deep breath and think about how you will be told off, and is it worth it?
Now obviously this didn’t happen over night! (I bloody wish!). It took a good 6 months or so. But he went from these out bursts at 6/7, and they became less frequent by 9/10. Now he’s 15, and we have zero behaviour, he is an angel teen both in and out of school, but he’s now very good at thinking about his thoughts and feelings, and talking about them. He’ll say for example, in school today x done something, it made me feel like this, and I wanted to do that, but instead I done this, and looking back I can see that maybe they done it because of Xyz. Now that could just be how he is, it may have nothing to do with how we responded to his outbursts. But we’ll never know.
What I will say is, it feels like it’s relentless at that age, but it is only a small time in their lives. If you can deal with it, and face it head on, without ‘just ignoring’ it (I can look at the kids I know now, who’s parents followed the ignore it, it will stop, rule, and they aren’t the kids I want my ds hanging around with, and I know that sounds bad, but I’m being honest), you will over come it.