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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want just one day off

78 replies

JustOneDayOff · 11/03/2020 12:54

Since my son has been born in late 2017 I have not had a single day off from looking after my son, cooking and cleaning. My husband can't cook (but it's more of a case of won't cook), or clean (I had to scrub the bathroom clean at 8 months pregnant because when I ask my husband to clean he just wipes the sink with toilet paper). My son still needs a nap and needs rocked to sleep for about 20 minutes and every day I have to do it (even at weekend when my husband home). Then he sleeps on you otherwise he wakes up. Even when we went to inlaws for Christmas I had to rock him to sleep and do bulk of looking after my son. AIBU to want just one f*ing day off. I'm on the verge of tears - is this my f**ing life now. Even when I was at university or working full time I had a day off where I did nothing. Anyone else with a young toddler who is experiencing the same? How do you cope?

OP posts:

Wolfiefan · 11/03/2020 12:55

It’s not the toddler that’s the biggest problem. It’s your husband.

TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup · 11/03/2020 12:57

So what does your H add to your life other than stress? What's his reason for doing no childcare?

Is your DC eligible for nursery hours yet, use them as soon as you can.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 11/03/2020 12:58

Have you never been out without your DS, either in the day or at night?

Botherfreedays · 11/03/2020 13:02

So take the day off. You're in control of your life, no one else. Seriously, get a grip.
And I mean this constructively.

BuzzShitbagBobbly · 11/03/2020 13:02

Whatever happens, DO NOT get pregnant again. You already have two children; but only one of them will grow up.

Your husband sounds like a selfish prick.

DonnaDarko · 11/03/2020 13:02

Your husband is the problem, he sounds incredibly selfish and lazy. This is not the way it's meant to be! Has he looked after your son at all?!

user1493413286 · 11/03/2020 13:02

You definitely need some time off! I had my DD mid way through 2017 and have had several days to myself and nights away where I have always come back very refreshed and a better mum because of it. Why don’t you just leave your DH with your son for the day? He may not do things how you do it but he will find a way and they will both survive.

Whatifitallgoesright · 11/03/2020 13:02

Does your husband work? If so he is probably able to follow the basic instructions which are involved in cleaning an object. Sounds like you've got a lazy git who thinks all housework is women's work on account of our flexible vaginas. Stop doing shit for him. You're not still breastfeeding are you? If not get ready, call out to him that you're popping out and get yourself out for a walk/coffee. It's been over two years. Time to make some changes.

SueEllenMishke · 11/03/2020 13:03

You have a major husband problem not a toddler problem.

Original poster

JustOneDayOff · 11/03/2020 13:03

BigSandyBalls2015 I have been to the cinema and my parents looked after him, but that was October last year.

My dh looks after dc while I cook dinner and clean. But that's alot of him just sitting on couch reading his phone

OP posts:

L1appelDuVide · 11/03/2020 13:05

You need a lifetime off from your husband, not a day off from your baby.

BalanchineBallet · 11/03/2020 13:06

Your problem is you husband not your child.

Why do you allow that to happen? How did it get to this point? Was he always this way?

shakethatshack · 11/03/2020 13:07

Your husband is a complete waste of space. Why is he not able to be a competent adult?
I'd be letting him know that you have no sexual attraction to people children so unless he can start pulling his weight and acting like a grown up he'd better accept that.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 11/03/2020 13:07

Stop doing anything for him. No more dinners for him, no washings, nothing. Hand him his child and tell him you're going out and just leave.

Original poster

JustOneDayOff · 11/03/2020 13:08

Yeah my husband works. It's a computer programmer type job.
He has dyspraxia which makes he more clumsy but I think he uses it as an excuse sometimes.

OP posts:

Latenightreader · 11/03/2020 13:09

I'm the sole parent of a 16 month old, but my mother is amazing and helps a lot. Even so, I'm desperate for a day to myself. I can't imagine how tired you must be. Have you asked your husband to try rocking your toddler to sleep? How would he react if you wanted to go out for a day at a weekend, leaving him and your son to fend for themselves? I suppose what I'm getting at is does he lack confidence or is he selfish...

Wolfiefan · 11/03/2020 13:10

He wasn’t looking after him. He was being a surface.
People with dyspraxia manage to cook and clean and act like parents OP.

TiredMum10 · 11/03/2020 13:11

He sounds absolutely pathetic and useless. What would be different if you are a single parent?

0ffwithherHead364 · 11/03/2020 13:14

Can your child go to nursery ?

Or book a baby sitter

Or book a sport class or hobby when your husband is at home to look after your (joint child) or go for an hour's walk, run swim, etc

PianoTuner567 · 11/03/2020 13:15

You haven’t actually said that your husband won’t look after him? So why not just say ‘I really need a day off, so this Saturday I’m going shopping/getting a haircut/out with a friend’? Would your husband object?

firstimemamma · 11/03/2020 13:15

Obviously there are wider issues which other posters have mentioned, but the thing I don't get is why can't you just have ready meals for tea and give the cleaning a rest for a day? (I know the nap thing is a different matter)

Dixiechickonhols · 11/03/2020 13:17

If you get rushed to hospital tomorrow he’d have to cope. I’d start by telling him you are doing x on a weekend and going out of house. Even if you don’t go to gym or a class just go out. Make sure it covers a meal time. Don’t leave prepared food. Don’t get pregnant with number 2.

Lynda07 · 11/03/2020 13:18

I feel for you, JustOneDayOff.

You're entitled to a day off - several days off. Your husband sounds totally unreasonable, does he not like being a dad? On the other hand, you say he has dyspraxia so maybe doesn't feel confident about it. However there must be some way for you to have time to yourself.

I'm sure if you could afford it you would already have someone to clean for you so I am not going to suggest that.

If you went back to work - maybe part time - and your baby was with a child minder, you would be able to afford domestic help; you could also have the odd day off while the baby is at the minders. Think about it.

In the meantime have at least one night off from cooking per week, takeaways are fine.

Littlebookwormiam · 11/03/2020 13:20

Agree with @wolfiegang. Your husband needs to pull his finger out and help you more. Dont ask him to do things, put your foot down and tell him what needs doing. Hand him the DC and say "DC needs a nap, it's your turn" and walk away and go do something nice for yourself ❤

Digitalash · 11/03/2020 13:21

Honestly speak to your husband, if stuff doesnt change seriously consider whether you want this for your life. I have a daughter of the same age and have been a single mum for most of her life so never get a day off but have been there where you watch someone else finish work and relax and not get up in the morning and you constantly have things to do, honestly it is more tiring when someone is allowing you to do that than when you are doing it because you have no choice if that makes sense.

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