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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want just one day off

78 replies

JustOneDayOff · 11/03/2020 12:54

Since my son has been born in late 2017 I have not had a single day off from looking after my son, cooking and cleaning. My husband can't cook (but it's more of a case of won't cook), or clean (I had to scrub the bathroom clean at 8 months pregnant because when I ask my husband to clean he just wipes the sink with toilet paper). My son still needs a nap and needs rocked to sleep for about 20 minutes and every day I have to do it (even at weekend when my husband home). Then he sleeps on you otherwise he wakes up. Even when we went to inlaws for Christmas I had to rock him to sleep and do bulk of looking after my son. AIBU to want just one f*ing day off. I'm on the verge of tears - is this my f**ing life now. Even when I was at university or working full time I had a day off where I did nothing. Anyone else with a young toddler who is experiencing the same? How do you cope?

OP posts:
DingleberryRose · 11/03/2020 13:30

AIBU to want just one fing day off. I'm on the verge of tears - is this my f*ing life now

Having kids is exhausting. It’s even more exhausting when you have them with a completely incompetent partner!

Quartz2208 · 11/03/2020 13:31

Yeah this isnt your son its the fact you have a useless husband

Make steps to deal with that

BoomBoomsCousin · 11/03/2020 13:34

JustOneDayOff of course you need time off. What has he said when you’ve told him this?

adaline · 11/03/2020 13:34

Your toddler isn't the problem.

Your husband is pathetic. You'd be far happier without him.

Scotstar · 11/03/2020 13:35

I split up with my husband of 11 years because i couldn't stand his lazy behaviour just before our sons 1st birthday. There was more to it but essentially fed up of feeling like I was doing everything, having to bargain with him all the time, arguing over who was more tired, feeling let down by him etc

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 11/03/2020 13:38

Physically walk out of the house and go and check into a hotel. And sleep. Dh can take care of toddler.

Why have you not asked your DH to do his share?

jeanne16 · 11/03/2020 13:39

Just wondering if you are perhaps too fastidious. I’m not saying don’t clean, but perhaps just clean a bit less.

BeijingBikini · 11/03/2020 13:39

I don't say this often about Mumsnet husbands because usually they just sound pretty normal BUT.....

Yours is a complete waste of space. That's awful. Tell him he can either pull his finger out or enjoy being single. I would leave my husband if he was like this.

TryingToBeBold · 11/03/2020 13:40

Time to get him booked in a nursery for 2 mornings a week (or 1 day.. that's normally the minimum attendance).

Expensive yes. But needs must.

VladmirsPoutine · 11/03/2020 13:40

This will end in one of three ways:

  1. You have some serious words with your husband and he starts to contribute to family life
  2. Divorce
  3. You having a breakdown

The issue with option (1) is that he might start being a parent for a week or two before regressing. You must avoid (3) at all costs as it will have an impact on your child as well.

This is no way to live. You will run yourself into the ground trying to be all things to all people and forgetting yourself in the process.

IntermittentParps · 11/03/2020 13:41

of course you need time off. What has he said when you’ve told him this?
I echo this. Although I suspect I know the answer.

Tell him to shape up or he can fuck off.

Hopeful201 · 11/03/2020 13:44

Why are you rocking your child to sleep? That sounds like a nightmare? Your child needs their sleep and you need a break. A lot of DH's think their job is the 9-5, the DW gets the 24hr job of childcare.

I felt a lot of resentment to my DH, but he was working exceptionally long hours and would help me at weekends.

Start by booking yourself a hair appointment or something where your DH has to be the carer. I promise you will feel so much better getting just the odd hour to yourself. Then you need to train your DH to help out properly-show him how to cook simple things like spag bol and tell him he will cook once a week to start with. Give yourself a break and try hard to remember this phase with your child will not last forever.

ShesGotBetteDavisEyes · 11/03/2020 13:48

Have you had a frank conversation with him about how you feel? Stop being a martyr - don’t allow him to get away with being such a crap parent. Tell him you are seriously thinking of leaving him because you feel like you may as well be a single mum.

Tell him that this Sunday you want a lie in and he needs to get up and take your ds to the park/his parents house/whatever. Then stick to it. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking “oh well il just do it because he won’t look after ds properly”. This is facilitating his laziness and making a rod for your own back.

ShesGotBetteDavisEyes · 11/03/2020 13:49

Also agree that at 3(?) years old you should not be rocking your child to sleep!!

JorisBonson · 11/03/2020 13:51

He sounds like a complete arsehole.

I'm dyspraxic and still manage to get some dinner on the table.

99RedRaccoons · 11/03/2020 13:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mumofababylion · 11/03/2020 13:54

Honestly, I get more time off as a single mum (of a baby). And that's not saying much!

When I was thinking about going it alone, someone said to me that parenting alone was a lot easier than parenting with a twat. Your post once again proves that right.

Your husband needs to seriously step up or you should think about swapping him for a good childminder! No one can cope with this.

gamerchick · 11/03/2020 13:54

AIBU to want just one fing day off. I'm on the verge of tears - is this my f*ing life now

No, you can get rid of the bloke and you'll probably find you resentment will evaporate when you don't have to look after him as well.

Clangus00 · 11/03/2020 13:57

I don't think this gas been mentioned, but i think you need to get your DC out of the habit of being rocked to sleep. He must be heavy by now.
Definitely this weekend (or if your DH is off during the week), go out after you've had your breakfast & do nice things (shopping/window shopping, coffee, inch, cinema, spa, hairdressers....whatever) and leave him with his DS.

Original poster
JustOneDayOff · 11/03/2020 13:58

Don’t fall into the trap of thinking “oh well il just do it because he won’t look after ds properly” that's what has happened. Because my dh will just let our toddler get grumpier because he wants a nap rather than rocking him to sleep.

If I get a moment to myself on my computer with a cup of tea it's not long before being asked what's for lunch. Or I don't know where blah blah in the kitchen is or I didn't know what to cook even though there is a drawer full of frozen breaded cod and chicken to just pop in the oven

OP posts:
TryingToBeBold · 11/03/2020 14:00

Have you even tried to leave?

HI DH.
Here is DC. I'm going out. Be back in X hours.
Good Luck!

Devlesko · 11/03/2020 14:02

Sounds like you have two babies, so what are you going to do?
Tell him to step up or ship out? Stop doing everything for him?
Have you told him how you feel?

Elliesmommy · 11/03/2020 14:05

I was you. Then I got my shit together and just said right I'm off to the cinema. He has another parent to look after them. Tbf i blamed myself more than my husband because I just did everything and never said anything.

Riverviews · 11/03/2020 14:12

Your husband is useless. Talk to him, sort it out or leave him.

Your toddler needs to learn to go to sleep without being rocked to sleep. How long are you planning to keep doing that? It's not very usual and you are making your life unnecessarily difficult

BigSandyBalls2015 · 11/03/2020 14:16

no wonder you're at breaking point, sounds horrendous.