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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it’s normal to give to grandmothers on Mother’s Day.

51 replies

GA2012 · 10/03/2020 17:27

Do you give cards to gifts to your children’s grandmothers or your own grandmothers??

I’ve always done so for my granny/dc’s great Granny and I also get a card and gift for dc to give to my mum - their Granny.

All the shops have cards and gifts for grandparents too so I always thought it was normal. I’ve always liked to treat my own granny. She’s an incredible woman. I’ve only ever met my granny on my mums side. I don’t know my dad or his family.

My partner doesn’t think it’s normal and you should just get for your mum and that’s it. He doesn’t think dc should get a card or anything for his mum - nanny.

Who’s being unreasonable here?

He was never close to his grandmothers so maybe that’s why he doesn’t think it’s normal?

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 10/03/2020 17:42

No

Pipandmum · 10/03/2020 17:42

My grandmothers died when I was very young so no, but my own mother got a card and flowers from me not my kids. My mother in law has four kids I think they cover it!

LynseyLou1982 · 10/03/2020 17:44

I always get my mum a card from my little boy. His Auntie gets one too (My sister). His paternal grandmother died before he was born and my husband's family don't do cards.

BlusteryShowers · 10/03/2020 17:48

We do but i think it gets a bit much. Some members of my family unfortunately set a lot of store by cards so we now end up buying:

Mum from me
MIL from DH
Nan from DS
Grandma from DS
Nana from me
Granny from DH
Great Grandma from DS
Great Nan from DS
Mummy from DS

At around £2 each per card before flowers, and going for a nice lunch or something it's a bloody dear do.

I hate cards.

DontTellThemYourNamePike · 10/03/2020 17:51

The whole point, I suppose is not to feel obliged to do it. DP's mother was very snarky a few years back when she didn't get a card from DS who would have been about 8 or 9 months on Mother's Day. I pointed out that she got a card from her son and I got a card from my son. Mother's Day ... ya know? Clue's in the name. If looks could kill .... maybe I could have handled it better!!

Anyway, she gets a card from her grandchildren now to keep the peace. Just because they exist, though, doesn't mean you have to send them. Card manufacturers want people to think like that.

In saying that, I'm sure if DP's mother made more of an effort to bond with her grandchildren, beyond the outward show of cards, she would have received one from the start with much love.

Elouera · 10/03/2020 17:54

I'm normally against such 'hallmark' days, but I've always given a card and often a small gift to my nan- who will be 100 at the end of the year! She now has mild dementia, and loves a box of chocs and the words written on the card. Strangely, I never gave one to my other nan, but she was emotionally distant in my life growing up and I rarely saw her.

OH's family are the complete opposite, and don't send Christmas cards and rarely birthdays cards.

CMOTDibbler · 10/03/2020 17:56

Not here. But we don't really do mothers day in my family, and dh can do what he feels like in his

SugarNyx · 10/03/2020 18:06

I don’t have a mum of my own so get my MIL and my grandma a card. I even get my mil a valentines card from my son. I think that they are nice celebrations and I like to see people happy and it really does make them happy! Others don’t agree but I don’t care. Do what feels right for you

BlueJava · 10/03/2020 18:09

Yes, my 2 DS give a present to me and also their 2 grandmothers.

cptartapp · 10/03/2020 18:12

No. I only ever gave to my DM signed by me.
DH gives only to his DM. He once tried to add mine and DC names to the card but I wouldn't let him. Petty maybe, but my DM is dead and MIL favours SIL and her DC, so she doesn't get 'rewarded' for that.

HelenaJustina · 10/03/2020 18:13

I don’t think it’s normal, but if it pleases someone you love them surely no harm no foul?

Minesabecks · 10/03/2020 18:13

It's not normal to me but then customs are very individual.
If I'd had a grandmother and not a mother I probably would have.

Leaannb · 10/03/2020 18:17

Nope. I give to my mother,my dh gives to his mother and the children (some with dad's help) gives to me. For Father's Day dh gives to his dad, the kids give to him and I don't give to anyone. My father passed in 2012. My FIl had an issue with it after my father died. He asked me flat out why I didn't give him a Father's Day giftr. I told him he wasn't my father and that just because my father died doesn't mean he autimatically stepped into that role

Devlesko · 10/03/2020 18:19

No, of course not, the clue's in the title.
My neighbour is a mother and grandmother I don't get her one either.

GlamGiraffe · 10/03/2020 18:21

I've always given my grandmother a card on mothers day. Shes my mother's mother so without her I wouldnt be her special. She has always fone a lot for me and my sisters feel the same. It's just a nice thing to do and if it makes someone feel valued I don't think it can be bad.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 10/03/2020 18:22

No. I get things for my mum from me, but I never bought for my grandmother - she had 3 children who would buy for her. I don't get things for my mum from DS either. Otherwise where do you stop?

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 10/03/2020 18:25

Of course. My nan was very involved in my upbringing though, I lived with her on and off throughout my childhood. DS is very close to my parents also. I think my nan would be hurt if we didn't give her a card, she isn't fussed about gifts but we always get her something.

Tulipstulips · 10/03/2020 18:26

We do it but I don’t think people are being odd for not doing it. Lots of people do, lots don’t. We do it because MIL is very close to DS and it’s a nice for him to show some appreciation by giving her flowers or chocolates as a thank you for all she does for him.

PawPatrolMakesMeDrink · 10/03/2020 18:29

We do in our family. My mum is my absolute hero and deserves the cards, flowers and the toblerone. DS has got her a card and a packet of the Asda version of chocolate hobnobs as they are much superior and his grandma is rather partial to a quality biscuit.

PardonWhat · 10/03/2020 18:30

I buy for my mum, grandmother and an auntie I’m particularly close to (party because I worry her children may not).

soundsystem · 10/03/2020 18:34

I think it's normal; DH thinks not. His mother is getting a card from our children regardless, because they'll do one for my mum, and our mums see each other fairly regularly and I wouldn't want MIL to wonder why my mum got one and she didn't! She'll think it's weird, though!

Doodlesquah1 · 10/03/2020 18:36

I don’t but I think it’s nice to do. I wouldn’t think it overly unusual for other people to do it

Laniakea · 10/03/2020 18:46

yabu

they sell to my dear goldfish on mothers' cards because there's a mug somewhere who'll buy it.

my grandmother was an utterly extraordinary woman - she wasn't my mum.

user1498572889 · 10/03/2020 20:09

No. My children get cards for me but I wouldnt expect to get one from my grandkids. I am not their mum.

Peasfox · 10/03/2020 20:13

I get mine flowers. They contributed to raising me mind 🙂