SIL's husband edited photo of my baby

[Rotorua]

SIL got married 3 months ago. Her husband ( my BIL) got added to family whatsapp group where we frequently share our 4 month old baby's photos with PIL. We have an understanding with PIL to not share our baby's photos on any other means of social media, as we value our privacy.

Today BIL photoshopped an old photo of our baby for Holi celebrations - her whole face is painted blue and Happy Holi is written on the photo. When I saw the photo I got quite pissed off someone edited my sweet baby's face. Before I wanted to address it, FIL already wrote he loves the photo and put it as his profile pic on whatsapp (that's another thing I'm not too happy about, but I let it slide for now).
DH saw this and asked his sister to tell her husband to not edit the photos as we are not comfortable with that. SIL sees no harm in this and now is not replying to DH's messages.
So the whole question is AIBU to address this and ask bluntly on the family group to stop editing the pics?
Just to add - I have met BIL once, it's an arranged marriage, so want to go about this in a sensitive way as I don't know him well and don't want to offend him because he must have meant well.
DH thinks I should let this go and we should just stop sharing any photos of our baby. I think I should address this, but unsure how not to cause a family argument

OP are you saying your BIL photo shopped just for the WhatsApp group or for other social media like FB or Insta? If it was just for the family WhatsApp group you’re definitely being way OTT and to stop sharing photos on the group chat generally is churlish. Why punish your PIL?

If BIL shared it outside the group chat then that’s different and fair to say he should take it down and let him know the photos are just for the family group.

I’ve had to tell some relatives that and once they know, they respect that pics are not to be shared outside the family group.

But don’t deprive your PIL, clearly your FIL dotes on your daughter that he made her smurf look his profile picture!

Also bear in mind your BIL might have done it for “good luck” for your daughter and include her in the celebration which celebrates colour and positivity, light over dark from what I understand. There might be a cultural element here?

Pick your battles

DH thinks I should let this go and we should just stop sharing any photos of our baby.

I'd do as your DH suggests.

I think you’re being really precious about not wanting to share any more photos. I think your sil has got the message. It sounds as if your bil wanted to do something nice. It can’t be easy to be part of an arranged marriage and trying to find your way in to a family.

Your being preciuos .
Are someone royal or famous

I agree with you. I would be having a very serious discussion with FIL about the pic being his profile pic. He would be removing ot and I wouldn't be sharing photos with them again

This really isn't something to get worked up about or cause family tensions about. He didn't mean any harm and your daughter is absolutely fine.

Did he share the picture with people beyond who you originally shared it with? Cos that's the only potential issue I see here.

If all he did was put on a filter and send it back to the same group, then I definitely think you're overreacting!

My (ex) fil photoshopped a picture of my 6 month old baby to remove her strawberry birthmark from above her eye so they could have a perfect picture on the wall. Even gave me a copy but I politely declined because, that wasn’t a picture of my baby and why did I want that 🥴

pennee, that's disgusting behaviour and tbh, it's the sort of thing I thought this thread was going to be about.

@phoenixrosehere totally agree with you! Don't think BIL knew about it, but SIL definitely did

@lottiegarbanzo yup, you guessed right. BIL doesn't have any children yet

@Mummyoflittledragon actually I think BIL is having much easier time than I had when I joined the family. FIL especially approved of SIL's marriage much more than he did for our marriage.

Thanks to those who pointed out I would be punishing PIL by not posting pics. It's definitely not my intention. I'm sure DH will still share pics with them personally and he also facetimes with them almost everyday to show off our precious daughter

I think I'd let it go as Holi is probably important to the family (sorry if that is wrong) and baby won't be recognisable with the blue paint. Just remind family you don't want photos out there and if they don't respect that in future don't post pictures.

YABU. I don't really understand what you are upset about. On my family whatsapp group, whenever is one of the kids birthdays we put their edited baby photos with a birthday theme as the group icon. It is a bit of fun. We all agreed about not sharing outside the family group. If you say anything you wont come out looking good.

Sorry just read about FIL using it as his profile picture. Wouldn't be happy about that

You have no idea what device the man used to edit your child's photograph.
You also do not know this man.
What else is he editing or over sharing?
Your sister in law is not only disrespectful of your and your DH decision on how to protect your child's privacy, the risks and implications from them ignoring you now they have all the photographs you have sent in the past, doesn't bare thinking about.
Your DH sounds brilliant but I would ask him to phone your father in law and explain how dangerous it is with regards to having photographs in the wrong person's hands and how easy it is.

Is there some kind of massive backstory here about you being anti-religion or anti-Hinduism or something?

@Rotorua it was wrong of him to use it without asking first. Maybe that's the message you should have given him - please ask first - it's gentler and ultimately sends the same message.

I think you should tackle the Whatsapp image too, if it makes you uncomfortable. Unless your FIL's profile is private, the photo will be publicly visible to anyone, including facial recognition algorithms. It's poor etiquette to share someone else's photo without asking, but to use it in their own profile picture is even worse.

On privacy generally, I think you should have changed your username before you started this thread. If any of your relatives recognise you from the story they will be able to read your entire Mumsnet thread history.

Personally it wouldn't bother me if my DS's pics were edited like that or shared. If you don't like it then just don't share or leave the group.

I'm with you, OP. While the photoshopping that was done to the picture sounds harmless, I don't get why BIL would do that using your child. Like, why use your baby as his Holi greeting? Seems a bit odd to me.

Would ppl be okay with relatives using their children's images as their Christmas greeting cards? I just don't think relatives have the right to use images of nieces/nephews without permission. End of. But that's my opinion, and I understand I am in the minority.

(While living overseas, our helper took pictures of my children and had them put onto mugs for presents for us. My DH loved them, but I felt it was a bit strange, as she had take photos of my kids and then had taken those imges to a shop to be put on mugs. Wasn't her place imo, even though she was family to us. And even though it was a gift for us.)

So basically he didn't "change your baby's sweet face", but put a blue filter? Mountain, molehill comes to mind. I would have issues with them putting it on social media without permission though.

I'm sorry but that's hilarious! He has changed her skin colour to blue? Like a smurf?? Omg I'm just imagining it 😂

Fuck me Wa1kthisway, dangerous?

I think someone needs to calm down!

He turned the kid blue in celebration of a holy festival.

He didn't feed her to the lions...

In that case, sounds like SIL is the issue, not her husband.

It explains her behaviour about it. I bet he asked her about it beforehand, she told him it wouldn’t be an issue, despite knowing what you and your dh’s said about it. Now that your husband (her brother) has said something she’s annoyed.

*, she’s annoyed