To expect my white dd not to be an ethnic minority in her own country

[squatchette]

First of all i would like to make it clear that i am in no way racist.My childrens father is half asian (although he is also an irish catholic too).
Anyway today i was late dropping DD2 at pre school and i got to see her whole class for the first time.This is when i was shocked to realise that she is the only white child in her class.
I think i was shocked as we don't live in a particularly ethnic area or so i thought.I read in the schools ofsted report that 40 % of the kids in the school speak English as a second language.
At first i thought it would be good that she can mix with children of different races and i am all for a diverse society.However something about the fact that she is the minority has worried me.AIBU?

I've returned to this thread as it's been on my mind quite a bit this afternoon. I'm actually really sad as well as angry at the OP's ignorance.

My mixed race boys are 2 and 4 and know nothing of the difference in attitudes and reactions they'll face as they get older. This thread has made me realise that DS1 will be looked at and thought of as 'foreign'. DS2 will be thought of as 'English', because his skin is white and he looks like a white child.

For those who bang on about 'political correctness gone mad' yawn), think about what the OP is saying. To walk into a room of 3 and 4 year olds and have a problem with the colour of their skin is nothing short of racist.

Yes agree Greeny

I think I would feel concerned if my child was in this situation - possibly this does show a racist attitude to some extent. I am not proud if it does but I am being honest. I think it more shows a presumption of entitlement, which is probably hard to escape from when you have grown up white middle class etc etc

I think my main concern would be that in this society minorities are usually disadvantaged. To have my son suddenly and unexpectedly switched to the minority position would throw me, certainly. However there's nothing that entitles me or him to have the situation different in any way, so the title does imply the OP is being unreasonable IMO. However I think her concerns are normal.

I want tolerance in society. I lead by example by not displaying racist attitudes. I don't think tolerating ignorance is very helpful.

It is Friday and I am in a good mood, so I am trying to think of charitable ways to interpret this. I did wonder whether the OP's concern was in some way linked to the fact that 40% of children in the school do not speak English as a first language.

TBH, that would be a concern for me too. Not because they speak another language, but because those children are taking on an extra challenge and can need more help and teacher time. They can take attention away from other members of the class if there are not additional supports (e.g. teaching assistants, smaller classes) in place, and I think that checking that out is a legitimate worry.

Is there any chance at all that that is what the OP really felt was niggling her?

"something about the fact that she is the minority has worried me.AIBU?"

I just presumed she thought her dd might be discriminated against in some way, as most minorities are. Is that too obvious? And is it racist, or realist?

Agree ribena and franny.

She neednt worry - as I posted further down - DD's school has the same % of children with English as 2nd language and the average English in league tables is above the national, and regional average.

That demonstrates pretty damned good teaching skills IMO.

Depends on their accent and class may be. I pay fees so they mnix with children who are clever and speak well but all mine went to very very ethnically mixed private schools. In my daughter's class at Haberdasher's in one year she and one other girls were the ONLY children with 4 English born grandparents.

Amusingly at one school a while back the Indian parents sometimes when applying would ask how many white children were there as they wanted to pay for an English education and felt that if the class were 100% Indian origin then they weren't getting their money's worth.

On the original point it depends on the children. If they can't understand English and come from poor homes of parents suffering stress from being asylum seekers for example then the academic standard of teh class is going to be bad, just like if they're all off an all white sink estate. If they're the children of local Asian doctors and the like then the language and educational issues aren't the same. Even then there's the issue of being different. All children point out the fat child in the class, the slow one, the one with the limp. We try to stop them etc etc etc but human nature is to point out difference. If you're the only white child and everyone is black or the only black in the white welsh village etc you often get teased. So of course that's a concern.

Of course it might mean it's a good school - immigrants, first and second generation prize education more than the rest of us usually do so tend to pick the better schools and put more pressure on the chidlren to do the homework. Always been delighted with all the asian families around here. It makes me look like a really indulgent mother, no 5 hours coaching on a saturday that their friends are subject to etc and to be in a class where everyone values work and homework is always done really helps the other children.

The title was badly phrased, to say the least, but the last part of the post is surely just someone trying to be honest about her anxiety?

I still think, racist or not, it's a bit late in the day to be expressing that anxiety. We all have priorities when it comes to choosing schools and if the ethnic mix was important surely this is something the OP would or should have researched before applying for a place?

I agree. If I were the only thin child or special needs child or child with a big birth mark or non christian in the school or whatever it's an issue. It's also very interesting a point because if we just group by ethnic group or religion that's may be not the best thing for the country. May be we should be forcibly bussing children around to integrate them. I feel bad enough at yoga... I am virtually always the only person with completely white skin. Even blondes seem to have brown legs these days. I suppose it's fake tan but it doesn't make me feel good.

OP: I can't tell from the post whether the you read the report before today or after you dropped your daughter off.

vacua- as i said earlier my dd is in this position i am fully aware of all aspects of her school but i still have some concerns not the same as the op but some similarities

I said it earlier and I'll say it again - hte OP's daughter will always be regarded as being in an ethnic minority in her own country because she that's exactly what she is!

But because she 'passes' for white she's 'ok' apparently. Having said that I do (sort of) understand where the OP is coming from.

What does her dad think?

Hmmmmmm........but op just says her child is the only white one ( although, I agree, if her fatehr is half asian, then well, she can't, theoreticaly, not be classed completely white herself...if you were to be nit picking and all that), but all teh otehr children still could also be in the same minority of being the only ones in their race in that calss...I mean, there could one indian, one turkish, one jamaican, one russian, one polish...and so on child....you get the drift...!
I can see the worry about the minority part..I was always the only child wiht a cleft lip and palate in any of my schools...and of course have experienced some teasing for that...but all in all, it wasn't a problem.
The schools my children are going to are all quite diverse, and a mixture of all sorts of ethical and "class" backgrouds...I think it's really healthy for them.

Also, see, my Kids are actually "whiter" then op's (nitpicking here, and being tongue in cheek...please no one actually belief I woudl really think like that, please)...but they are still not pure Brittish, dispite all being born in the UK, because I am german....so, OP would have been fine if my children were in her childs class, because of their colour....but they could still have german as a first language, I suppose...not that they do...so...would they be acceptable...and is this their country, or are they disqualified due to the fact that they have german heritage....

My daughter's blonde friend when she was 5 refused to speak anything but Polish to the teacher when they started the school. Obviously colour is noticeable and some other differences immediately aren't. What holds children back is if half the class can't speak English of course. That's the educational issue. But the other issue exists too - that children can tease children who are different and probably always will.

Exactly so, 3andnomore - good post!

Xenia, seeking out the ones different and teasing them, I suppose, is sadly a bit of a human trait (although, I suppose if we look at the anmal world, it is probably extremr there...so, this may aswell be instinctively ingrained into humans, too...that survival of the fittest, thing...which, I suppose it kind off boils down too, in a way...)...!

I can see where you are coming from if to many children can't speak the main language of the school, and I know the primary school, where my children have gone too, and will be going to, does have some problems with this...as we have a lot of polish and russian immigrants, etc....!
However, I really really can not see that this is so important in pre school age, where they learn by play anyway, and children are so very good in communicating in so many different ways, spoken language is, at that yougn age actually really not teh main way to communicate anyway, imo....

this is a troll surely. where is op?

The "educational" issue of a school having a high percentage of non-mother-tongue English speakers is a non-issue when the children come from families who value education. The issue arises when the families are poorly educated/do not support the acquistion of English language skills.

indeed Anna...
but, clearly it can be a bit difficult for a child if they don't speak the native language of the country they are going to school in...well, at least for a while, as we all know just how incredible good Kids are at picking languages.
Also, if one language is really well established then apparently it's easier for a child to pick up further languages.
This is something a friend, who studied to become a teacher told me.
In Germany we have a large amount of turkish children, and she says that especially with those, where a few generations have lived here...the Kids often have problems, as they don't have a real first language....as the original mothertongue has been washed down, so to say, but german isn't the first language neither, if that makes sense at all...I know I am not actually explaining this very well at all, sorry!

YABU if a child is naturalised or born here it has citizenship which confers full equitable,access to all services inc education. so wehat are you shocked about? that your quote "she is the only white child in her class". eehhmmm so what??

i grew up in smaltown scotland where at school everyone was white scottish - never met knew anyone indian/black/ethnic. so when i came to London post grad i found it so so vibrant exciting. diversity id god

instead of emphasising alleged differences why not consider the commonalities you all share eg
This week all those respective parets/carers worried/fretted/felt nervous about their special wee ones off to school for first time

Yes, it's a bit difficult for a little while, but children get over it really fast.

In my daughter's new class this morning there were 2 children from French-English bilingual families, 1 from a monolingual French family, 1 from a monolingual Italian family, one from an Indonesian family (and I have no idea what language they were speaking), a Dutch child, etc. They are all going to go to school in French AND English from the outset, the school has been going for over 50 years... It's not such a big deal IF the families support the language acquisition.

Another point to the op...just came to me, and probably has already been mentioned...but if your child is a quarter asian, and the rest whatever you mentioned...well....your child will be most likely always in an ethnic minority anyway...again the nit picking part (my favourite word today, it seems....)....but there are so so many different combinations in most people, and "pure" ethnic origine is so rare...I suppose in a way we really are more or less a minority everywhere...

I could understand maybe worrying if you thought the other kids might not mix with her as much as she's the only "white" child.

The same how if I had a black kid that went to an all-white school I might be worried.

But I do think that children play with each other regardless of colour of skin. So as long as there isn't a language barrier problem then I can't see it been an issue.

There are very few ethnic minority children at my dd's school. There is one Asian child in her class who sits at her table and she plays with him the same as other kids. When she went to nursery there was one Asian boy in the whole nursery and then when we went to Sheffield for the day and there were quite a few Asian boys walking about she kept shouting "there's X", thinking it was him.

Obviously an important and sensitive topic, and one that would have benefited from a more sensitively worded title/first post.

One thing that has struck me after reading this is that there is a kind of hierarchy of foreignness (if you will forgive me for making up my own words). Here in Germany, I am an acceptable foreigner, and have rarely encountered prejudice. For a Turkish person, even a 3rd generation Turkish-German with a German passport, it is not quite so easy. Someone from the carribean will more than likely have had some horrible comment thrown after them. It is a lot to do with skin colour unfortunately.

Another thing, many people make comments about English as a second language, but most do not realise the full advantage of being brought up bilingual. Children who learn 2 or more languages from birth have been shown in several research studies to be more intelligent than monolingual children. Bilingual children are "training their brains" and this benefits them in all areas of academic study, not just languages.

Children, even those who do not speak English at home, are highly capable of learning a second language. It is however important for the school to have the resources to aid those struggling. And encouraging the immigrant parents to bring their DCs to nursery or preschool is important. The important phase for learning a second language is up to the age of 7 or 8, after that it becomes much more difficult. The earlier the children start the better

The OP should be thankful that her child is being exposed to different cultures. And she should be more careful how she words her posts.