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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect my white dd not to be an ethnic minority in her own country

506 replies

squatchette · 07/09/2007 13:26

First of all i would like to make it clear that i am in no way racist.My childrens father is half asian (although he is also an irish catholic too).
Anyway today i was late dropping DD2 at pre school and i got to see her whole class for the first time.This is when i was shocked to realise that she is the only white child in her class.
I think i was shocked as we don't live in a particularly ethnic area or so i thought.I read in the schools ofsted report that 40 % of the kids in the school speak English as a second language.
At first i thought it would be good that she can mix with children of different races and i am all for a diverse society.However something about the fact that she is the minority has worried me.AIBU?

OP posts:
flightattendant · 07/09/2007 16:35

I didn;'t mean 'black' there as such, I was using a reversed analogy from OP but I think it would be more accurate to say 'people of a different ethnic or racial group who have a different culture' Whatever that may be and whichever way round it was.

Ripeberry · 07/09/2007 16:36

When i was a child at primary school in the late 70's i was a victim of racism.
The teachers and some of the kids used to make fun of my accent and the fact i did not know french very well.
What country was it....Switzerland...
It is the most racist country in the world, if you were coloured they would not even talk to you and they always had the cleaning jobs..even the well educated ones.
Don't know what its like there now, but my mum made friends with the only Asian lady in our apartment block (she was married to a Swiss) but all the other people would not say two words to her because she was foreign.
Where i live at the moment in the Gloucestershire countryside, it seems to be 100% white and at my daughters school there are NO coloured people at all, but we do have some German and Swedish children.
Maybe the OP should move up here if she is bothered.
AB

Desiderata · 07/09/2007 16:38

Well, well! Some of the posters on this thread are hardly shining examples of peace, love and tolerance themselves, are they?

Ripeberry · 07/09/2007 16:43

Just making the observation that up here it is mostly white people and that is a fact.
Unless you've lived abroad as a minority you don't know what racism is.
AB

Desiderata · 07/09/2007 16:45
lulumama · 07/09/2007 16:45

have to disagree with the last comment

there is plenty of overt and covert racism in this country

minorities are still affected by it

otherwise the BNP would not be gaining seats on councils

grouchyoscar · 07/09/2007 16:47

We are a white agnostic family. Boring as hell when you fill in the ethnicity monitoring form

DS has few similar mates. The next door neighbours are half botswanan. His best friend are half asian, half dominican republic, half egyptian and Bosnisn We were the only white family who participated in a wide and varied set of activities where everyone else was Asian Muslim

He could say My friend is mohammed at 18 month old.

Women who wear the veil do not phase him, he even knows who each one is by sight (embarassingly I can't do that) He has had positive coments about his ethnic awarness.

So I do feel YABU. It's good being in a melting pot

TheQueenOfQuotes · 07/09/2007 16:47

"Well I can see a point in that 40% of the kids speak English as a second language."

But that doesn't mean that their English isn't already fluent!!!!!!

Cashncarry · 07/09/2007 16:49

I don't quite understand your point Desiderata - I think this thread has remained quite civilised despite the differing opinions.

I'm not saying that's the case in all the threads in active convos at the moment, mind you...

sazzybee · 07/09/2007 16:51

I very much doubt the OP is anything other than a troll. I live in inner London in a very multicultural area and there is no way my DS would be the only white kid in class. I can't imagine that would ever happen (if it happens at all) in an area which wasn't 'particularly ethnic'.

DirtyGertiefromnumber30 · 07/09/2007 16:56

i also think you are being harsh on the OP. My ds stared preschool(afternoon nursery) last year and was one of only two white children in the class. (English was a second language for a large proportion of these childen) Yes, I was concerned initially. Concerned that he would find it harder to make friends (Most children knew each other from taking community Kor-an classes together etc and werent fluent in English)and as it happened, he and the other white child DID naturally gravitate towards each other and ended up close friends.
Now, the asian parents and children were always incredibly friendly and my ds learnt loads about their cultures and tasted loads of delicious asian treats throughout the year, but I defy any of you not to feel slightly strange in the first instance of what it feels to be a 'minority'. For that year, my ds WAS a minority (and I the minority white mother) and it feels 'different' (not unpleasant, but definately weird). It did make me realise how ethnic minorites must feel on a daily basis though.
I think it's more worrying that people cant be honest about their feelings these days without being branded 'racist'. PC gone crazy springs to mind.

TheQueenOfQuotes · 07/09/2007 16:58

" but I defy any of you not to feel slightly strange in the first instance of what it feels to be a 'minority'."

hmm - well after living in mostly "white" areas, and attending schools that were predominantly white I left the UK (for the first itme in my life) and went to Zimbabwe when I was 18 - where there were (at that time) approx 1/2 million whites.........living among 12 million blacks. Didn't feel that strange to me.....

bluejelly · 07/09/2007 16:58

'It did make me realise how ethnic minorites must feel on a daily basis though. '

Like I said before, it's an advantage to be able to experience what it's like to be a minority.

TheQueenOfQuotes · 07/09/2007 17:00

and what is this obession with "English as a 2nd language" - yes ok for some children it does mean that they can hardly speak a word of it - but for many MANY children it simply means that it's one of 2 (or perhaps even 3!) languages which they speak - but they don't class it as their "first" language...

DirtyGertiefromnumber30 · 07/09/2007 17:07

well, it did feel strange to me QoQ, not in an intimidating, scary way...just aware of what it felt like to look different. And I agree bluejelly, it is an advantage to be more aware of how others feel.
english as a 2nd language isnt a problem. fluency of english may be though when making friends is concerned.

StarryStarryNight · 07/09/2007 17:08

hmmm...

Sitting on a bus stop a couple of years ago, I got talking to a woman in her fourties. Or rather I got talked AT by her. She started this rant at me about all these bloody foreigners coming and taking the jobs, and could they not just stay were they were supposed to be. I did not want to contribute much to this conversation, neither did I want a public argument, so I muttered some one syllable words now and then. Until it dawned on her. And she stuttered, "well obviously not YOU". Why not me? Because I dont "look" foreign? It was damned insulting anyway.

A few years ago a friends mum decided to share her opinion with me. It was so easy for us foreigners to come here and take all the cream jobs. No. It is not. It is really hard to get a good job here if you are not speaking the language really well, if you dont have British recognised qualifications, etc. It is quite hard to up and go and make a new life elsewhere.

Oh, and the: "How long have you been in this country? Your English is really good!" Why wouldn't it be? I have done university degrees here, I have had a career here, I am in my mid 30s, have been here nearly 15 years! How dare you compliment my English like I am a child!

Some people are prejudiced whatever skin colour you have if you are not born and bred in this country. I think it is possible related to their age and their level of information / education. Most people with such attitiude are in their 50s and up. It is not necessarily racism, it is just ignorance. And I dont think you can argue with that.

grouchyoscar · 07/09/2007 17:10

I agree. 10 Years ago the town I live in had a Bosnian Muslim Refugee family. The were house in an almost exculisivly asian muslim area. She came speaking only Bonian but within 12 months she was fluent in English, urdu, punjabi. gugerati and a couple of other languages.

Could you do that? I couldn't . I feels it show she is stunningly intelligent and an amazing schoolmate for any child

needmorecoffee · 07/09/2007 17:22

My DD is a minority where I live. Cos she's in a wheelchair and gets stared at, stuck at bottom of steps and name called all the time.

chipmonkey · 07/09/2007 17:24

YABU. And even if you weren't, what do you propose? That non-white children should be refused entry on the basis of colour? That the school should actively seek white children for their classrooms? They had that in South Africa. It was called apartheid.

ELR · 07/09/2007 17:36

bluejelly-- i agree it can be an advantage too thats what i was saying about dd now she gets loads of attention but when we move her to another school she will no longer be a minority snd may struggle but maybe not! its all part of being a mum and worrying about stuff!!

divastrop · 07/09/2007 17:41

in answer to the op-YANBU by being concerned about your child being in a
minority group.

why is it that as soon as somebody who is 'white' mentions race on this site they are called a racist?

Reallytired · 07/09/2007 17:46

Why do you consider your daughter to be white? She is a quarter asian? Certainly at least one of her parents is an immigant.

I expect that most of her classmates were born in the UK. The UK is as much their country as hers.

Anyway even blond british children had ancestors who were immigants. The UK was invaded by Celts, Romans, Saxons, Vikings, Normans etc.

It what makes the UK such an interesting country.

divastrop · 07/09/2007 17:52

ive re-read the title now and seen the 'in her own country' bit.d'oh.

DirtyGertiefromnumber30 · 07/09/2007 17:59

agree that title of thread is grossly misworded. But am not offended at all by her first post.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 07/09/2007 18:02

Agree with Desiderata and Greeny's observations.

I think you've all leapt very harshly on the OP - troll or not.

If you want tolerance in society, then perhaps you could lead by example?

As an aside, the school DD is going to next week has 50% mixture of ethnic minorities. 40% have English as a second language. The school's English results are above the national average. I think it must be a fucking ace school.

The mix in her school is also a reflection of the area we live in, so, if it was a 'mostly white english' school, like the 2nd choice I would have gone for, then she would have been in a bit of a social 'cocoon' really.