To expect my white dd not to be an ethnic minority in her own country

[squatchette]

First of all i would like to make it clear that i am in no way racist.My childrens father is half asian (although he is also an irish catholic too).
Anyway today i was late dropping DD2 at pre school and i got to see her whole class for the first time.This is when i was shocked to realise that she is the only white child in her class.
I think i was shocked as we don't live in a particularly ethnic area or so i thought.I read in the schools ofsted report that 40 % of the kids in the school speak English as a second language.
At first i thought it would be good that she can mix with children of different races and i am all for a diverse society.However something about the fact that she is the minority has worried me.AIBU?

In her own country?

Thereby implying that England is a country for white people and that anyone who is not white has no claim for this to be their country?

I agree with Suebaroo. Millions of others have had to deal with being a minority for a long time now. I think that maybe being a minority may do the MOR white english middle class man some good.

greensleves i agree it may have been badly phrased but you can't start a thread with that title and not want/expect a reaction

for what its worth to the op i think your child will have fun at school its just luckly that children are children and all enjoy playing together whatever their ethnic background, unlike some adults

OK, well this thread won't work that well given that title!

When ds1 started preschool he was the only white boy. However I wouldn't have thought of him as being in a minority as such as there simply wasn't an ethnic majority at the pre-school. I think that there is a difference between being say the only white child in a class of Bengali children, where everyone else may be able to communicate with each other and not with you, from being a child in a class with a huge diversity of backgrounds. I'm guessing that your dd2 is in the latter position as ds1 was, and so your child is unlikely to have any additional issues from any of the other new children. If you are in the former situation however, then it might be worth speakiing to other white parents further up the school to see how their children integrated, or perhaps having a word with the class teacher, particularly if language is a problem.

Not quite on topic, but I have to say that I was very surprised to see the ethnic differences in schools in the our area. Due to a number of highly sought after church schools (taking predominantly white and black children), other schools can have a disproportionate number of other races. I'm not sure that it is necessarily a problem, but it can be really noticable when going from one school to another.

well it was similar for me although the area at the time was predominatley white, i was the only black child in my class, but it was fine!

haha this thread about "own country" has reminded me about the electoral form thingymajigs that came through the door the other day. It had both DH and my names on correctly.......but his nationality as being British .........we were joking saying that was the easiest way to "becoming British" anyone has ever had - of course when we rang up to correct it he's gone back to being Zimbabwean again.

yes bad title

I think many people are being too hard on the OP. Plenty of black people have at various times discussed issues about their own children being the only non-white child in a class. Concerns about fitting in and so on - no-one wants to be the only child who stands out.

The OP's concerns may be groundless, who knows? But it is unfair to refuse to acknowledge her concerns just because she is white.

And the 'in her own country' thing probably reflects the huge growth in immigration over the past few decades. I'm not arguing about whether that's a good thing or a bad thing but it is a fact that the numbers of people with an ethnic minority background have increased very rapidly. Any form of rapid social change tends to make people uncomfortable and require some adjustment.

My DSs go to a very mixed school. I am copying and pasting a sentence from the school website just to illustrate:

"Over 40 languages are spoken by our pupils, over 74% speak English as an additional language, over 50% take free school meals, 22% have special educational needs and approximately 20% of our intake are refugees and asylum seekers."

They are both very happy at this school and I love the fact that it is so mixed. There was a fantastic article about it in the observer last year as well (unfortunately you can't see the aerial photo of the whole school in the online version) observer.guardian.co.uk/magazine/story/0,,1819374,00.html.

So much for the background. I have to say however that I would feel a little bit uneasy if either of my children was the only white child in their entire class (DS1 is certainly in a very small minority in his, there are a few more white children (although not necessarily all of English/Irish background) in DS2's).

I find it hard to put my finger on why exactly this would make me feel uneasy. I just think I would prefer it if they could see their own ethnic group reflected in one or two of their fellow pupils. (We're white and I'm Irish). I don't know whether my DSs themselves would be bothered - they both have friends from several differing ethnic backgrounds.

Sorry Greensleeves - normally agree with you but in this case, the response to the OP is really one of the reasons why MN is the only type of forum I actually subscribe to.

I have to put up with this type of attitude every day in RL and listen to people make comments daily about "those type of people" and "our country" and listen to them qualify it by saying "Oh, we don't mean you [cashncarry], you're different"

I'm not different - we're all the ruddy same (I know it's twee to say that but I don't care). Your child being a different colour or even speaking a different language is something that should be celebrated not derided as some kind of symptom of the mass destruction of society.

So I couldn't care less if I'm "playing the race card" - I'm offended to the core that someone thinks that white people own this country.

Would the OP care to define "white" and define "ownership"?

YABU. However, I am impressed that your daughter owns a country.

Oh FGS, IMO countries dont belong to anyone, the whole world belongs to us all, and people should be able to live where they bloody well like, whether they are black, white, or green with orange spots.

YBU. If u had put AIBU to expect my dc not to be the only native english speaker u might have got some sympathy. I think as the only white looking child your dc may be extra interesting to the other children - and its very likely many of the children will be mixed race despite their visual racial background. If you make a big issue about this in front of DC he will alienate himself because he's trying to please mummy.

One mum I know, 5 years ago, told me she moved her family to a then all look white suburb because she felt her child of mixed race parentage would get extra school input as he had severe dyslexia. He's doing really well at school and doesn't seem to have suffered from one year as the only black kid in his class. The school has a much greater mix now

In this case I wouldn't worry but I would be really worried if my dc was in a nursery where most of the children do not speak english at home - I am told Slough has some schools with reception classes where polish/latvian and lithuanian is the dominant language.

pmsl maisemor

I see it is a DD not a DS. I would worry about the numbers of not first language english teachers only because I know that one teacher and one teaching assistant gave up last year because they never got the TEFL support/help they were promised by the local authority.

"But it is unfair to refuse to acknowledge her concerns just because she is white."

nope, i'm an equal opportunist when it comes to disliking small minded bigots, it doesn't matter what their skin colour.

So if someone posted about a black child being alone in a class of white children, would you call them a bigot?

" I would worry about the numbers of not first language english teachers"

but there you are assuming that a child whose first language is "not" English is going to need extra help. Whereas that often isn't the case!

"So if someone posted about a black child being alone in a class of white children, would you call them a bigot?"

perhaps. but that is not what happened here. first of all it is a mixed race class. and if the black person where using terms which indicated that their child had more of a right than other kids through use of terms such as "her own country" than yes.

The OP said her daughter was the only white child.

My dcs are of mixed racial heritage. In dd's class in particular I'd be hard pressed to think of a single child from a straight up and down WASP background. There are Indian Hindu families, more secular but loosely Hindu British Indian families, Bangladeshi and North African Muslims, Jewish pupils whose parents came form Eastern Europe, from Spain, all over, not to mention Japanese and Chinese pupils.

But so what ? They are a fabulous little community; a lot of close friendships exist and long may it continue. One of Xenia's daughters went there as I recall. Xenia, you know which school I mean. Just happens to be one of the top, if not the top academic girls' school in the country.

Ladies!
Note the OP has not been back and cool down.
Don't give them the satisfaction!