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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

school coming out to check up on ds tmw morn

126 replies

Sarah510 · 09/03/2020 16:53

so, ds has been off school for 2 weeks tomorrow. I've taken him to the doc twice, last time was Friday, and they said he has a cough, but don't think he needs antibiotics. He's been basically in bed for 2 weeks, he cant move, he is so tired all the time. I dragged him out for a walk the last 3 days but he can only walk a few hundred yards and then we have to go back, and he goes straight to bed. I don't think it's psychological. He cant play his playstation cos it hurts his eyes. He just lays in bed. I'm worried, but also worried about the head of year coming to the house tomorrow. I'm thinking should I try and get him into school tomorrow. They want to set him up in 'student support' where he has a room to 'study'. I don't think he would be able for it though. Well I'll see what he's like tonight. Anyone else any experience of this kind of illness. He doesn't have temp so doc ruled out glandular fever.

OP posts:
WalkingDeadTrainee · 09/03/2020 21:27

How were you fobbed of with glandular fever😱
My glands were so big, throat sore af, so tired that there was no way doctor could have fobbed me off. They did mistaken it with strep originally which happens. Ended up week in hospital with most ridiculous liver function reading my doctor ever seen.
I was shown to students as an example😂

However, I really don't think it's GF because of the cough. Have a look at his eyes. Is the white part yellowish?

Sarah510 · 10/03/2020 12:37

Update: So the year-head and an attendance monitor called in this morning. The teacher was very nice, sympathetic, but I didn't like the attendance woman. I know she has her job to do, and she needs the 'numbers' up, but I'm not sending ds in in the state he is in atm. She wants to arrange someone to collect him in the mornings and bring him 'study support'. I guess once he is in, he can get marked as being in. I'm worried too as she didn't seem impressed that ds is 'home alone' cos I'm at work. I wish I had remembered to say I have a babysitter to call in. I'm scared, but am trying to just concentrate on ds and getting him better. Though the last doc said viral illnesses can last 10-16 days so he's still within that I guess...

OP posts:
FlockofGulls · 10/03/2020 12:50

Sounds exactly like how I felt when I had glandular fever.

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 10/03/2020 12:52

Have you booked him into the doctor again for bloods OP?

Because I can’t help but think you’re peeing your pants about the complete wrong thing here.

Sarah510 · 10/03/2020 12:56

Yeah I know what you mean PaulHollywoodsSexGut! Yeah have telephone 'triage' with doc at 5pm today, and will be forceful about him/her seeing ds again today and tests organised. Not be fobbed off with viral illness taking 10-16 days

OP posts:
Skysblue · 10/03/2020 13:15

Don’t let the school bully you into allowing them to collect him, that’s totally inappropriate. If he’s too ill to get to school then he’s too ill to be in school. Also, could infect others!

Their statistics don’t matter (and what with covid19, absence stats are about to go crazy anyway, and schools will probably be shut in a month anyway, we’re just a couple of weeks behind Italy in the virus spread).

Chase the doctors and if you can, see a private GP or specialist. Private doctors can suggest tests that the nhs don’t even tell you exist.

Really hope he feels better soon.

missnevermind · 10/03/2020 13:33

Same he 13yo DS was ill for 6 weeks with Glandular Fever then took over a year to recover properly. Doctor was really concerned and talked me through infections as well as leukaemia but his bet was on GF.
When he returned to school no pe for a WHILE. But definitely no swimming for the rest of the year as it was too exhausting

Zombiemum1946 · 10/03/2020 14:07

Use the school attendance woman pressuring you to push the gp. If the teacher was nice, would the head teacher give you a written letter of support and concern ? Would you be able to change surgeries or go private ? As for leaving your son while you go to work, I had to do the same at one point. My mother and father had to do the same with me . Some people have no idea or forget how difficult it can be.

Piffle11 · 10/03/2020 14:22

I have no advice regarding your DS's illness, but I say let the Head visit - chances are it's more of a safeguarding issue and nothing at all to worry about. My DC's school does it as soon as they hit 5 days.

MyDcAreMarvel · 10/03/2020 14:25

@Sarah510 Do not let them collect your ds, how dare they! You are his advocate, he is too ill to go to study support. They can send work home which he will complete if he is well enough.

Didkdt · 10/03/2020 14:29

See what the GP says at 5.
I think blood tests would be the norm at this stage.
If you're not happy with the Gp ask to see a partner at the practice or take your son to paediatric A&E
The school can probably support him being at school and if he isn't well enough they will send him home again.
My experience is GPs don't like being told what go do by schools

MummyNWife · 10/03/2020 14:30

If he iss that ill, where he cannot get out of bed, he shouldn't be made to go o school. Thats terrible. I hope. you get some answers soon.

cabbageking · 10/03/2020 14:36

If he is genuinely ill there is no issue with how long he is off.

If he is home alone and safe then you commit no offense.

How is she qualified to know he is well enough to go to school?
Is she a nurse and the EWO or what?

What does study support entail? Who is checking on him throughout the day? If he is ill and you are at work they can not send him home alone. Whilst he may benefit from study support perhaps, have they given you enough details to ensure he is appropriately supported?

Nat6999 · 10/03/2020 14:40

Attendance officers have a mentality that they don't care if a child is unwell, mentally or physically, they just want them in school to keep their numbers up. When ds was moving up to secondary school, I had the attendance officer for his new school knocking on my door during the summer holidays, she was like a pitbull threatening me that if ds attendance was like it was at primary school she would see I was prosecuted. Ds is autistic with severe anxiety & depression, he also has PTSD due to being sexually assaulted by one of his dad's carers. I sent her off with a flea in her ear, she knew nothing about our circumstances, she only had the numbers. Don't let them bully you in to allowing him to be collected & taken to school, because once they get him there they will bully him to attend lessons, that is what they did when ds was off sick after self harming & threatening suicide.

Glittercandle · 10/03/2020 14:42

Tell the GP the school is pushing you to send your DS in - if he has glandular fever (my DD has it last year and didn’t have a fever but was wiped out for weeks) you don’t want him in school passing it on to others.

Graphista · 10/03/2020 16:53

Bloody sick of reading of schools & associated staff forcing sick children into school!

I'm thankfully past that stage now but my own dd has the disability she was born with finally diagnosed the summer before she started high school. She didn't have low attendance rate at that point from primary as it hadn't affected her badly but it flared badly that summer (not unusual for puberty to cause flares with her condition) which is what led to us getting a dx at last!

Upon starting high school I informed the school backed up by both gp & consultants letters and spoke with the head.

For her whole high school career she and I and her drs were dismissed, ignored and mocked!

It was a nightmare!

Dd was a good student, high achieving to the point she was taking some exams a year early, but with some absence issues.

When she got an infection that landed in her in hospital on a drip for weeks and saw her lose nearly 2 stone that she could ill afford to lose the school were initially sympathetic but the DAY she was discharged they were on our backs about her returning to school - at this point she wasn't even able to eat solids or walk to the loo alone! We'd been sent home with prescription of fortisips and strict instructions to REST for at least another 10 days.

The schools attitude was absolutely appalling and in the end resulted in dd leaving school earlier than she or I had planned and completely putting her off education, my even raising the subject of part time college caused her to get a panic attack a year later.

She has fortunately found herself a good job and almost FOUR YEARS later is tentatively considering college/uni

Schools really need to back the fuck off and remember they are NOT medical professionals.

Our children's health (mental and physical) is FAR more important than their bloody attendance stats!

But it's not just the schools to blame,this govt has far too rigid an attitude to education and how schools should be run.

Graphista · 10/03/2020 16:54

@Nat6999 sorry meant to say that I'm so sorry for all you and your family have been through and I hope things are better for you now?

itsgettingweird · 10/03/2020 21:31

If you feel there are replies now and you want clarification email both who attended.

Confirm discussion and that attendance woman's solution to child is to be collected and take to school.

Ask them how they feel that's any difference to you taking him in - which you would if he was well enough!

Tolleshunt · 10/03/2020 22:17

Their attendance stats are a problem for them, not you. There’s no need for you to give two hoots about their stats, regardless of how much they might imply otherwise.

He’s too ill to be in school, and them
collecting him doesn’t change that. You can bet your bottom dollar they wouldn’t send him home if he wasn’t feeling up to it while there.

Stick to your guns and keep him off as long as he needs to be off for. Don’t take the risk of this turning into ME. Then they really will have something to complain about!.

They can send him work home for him to do as when when he is able - but only when he is able. If their real concern is his educational welfare, that will satisfy them. If not, they are just confirming that they are thinking only of themselves, and are quite prepared to throw your DS under the bus for their own benefit. Don’t let them.

I hope he’s better, and genuinely fit to go back to school, very soon.

DoTheNextRightThing · 10/03/2020 22:24

Ignore the attendance lady. I got swine flu back when that was a thing, and then got another bout of flu two months later, and the school did the same thing to me. But at the end of the day, if you're ill there's nothing you can do about it - and no child can be expected to concentrate when they feel so horrible. If he can't even play his PlayStation then how is he going to do school work?! Take him back to the docs and explain that the school are nagging you to bring him back and you need a proper diagnosis because he is not getting better.

Sarah510 · 11/03/2020 10:21

so saw the doc last night - a different one! - and he said it could be an underlying chest infection. Definitely not glandular fever he said... So FINALLY have antibiotics. Hopefully they will help. I know docs have to be careful about giving out antibiotics but I cant help thinking DS should have gotten them last week at the 2nd visit. I think you 'know' your own child and when something is definitely wrong. DS is never sick, and I could just tell there was something "there", that it wasn't just 'viral'. Anyway, hopefully he will improve now, and I have a letter for a chest xray and blood test on Friday if he still isn't getting better. So fingers crossed.

OP posts:
2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney · 11/03/2020 10:46

Sarah good that he now has antibiotics. Did you know that these give a severe rash if it is GV? Assuming he doesn't have an allergy to the antibiotic.

I know this because I had strep when I was about 22. The prescribed penicillin gave me a severe hive rash. They immediately stopped the medicine and did a GV blood test. That was negative so they assumed an allergy.

I am not suggesting any allergy for someone reading this and getting the wrong end of the stick just that a rash can be a sign of GV which was one of the possibilities suggested before you saw the third doctor.

WaterOffADucksCrack · 11/03/2020 10:57

Who the hell does the attendance officer think they are?! You're not telling me if she's ever ill she would be happy for her employer to forcibly drag her to work! Absolutely inappropriate and I'd have told her so.

WaterOffADucksCrack · 11/03/2020 10:59

I would have asked her to leave my home too. I wouldn't be happy being checked up on like that by an employer so I don't think school should be invading people's homes either.

Graphista · 11/03/2020 13:29

Glad you're finally being listened to op. Hope he's feeling and doing much better soon.