To be sad that I've NEVER felt good about my body and never will now?

[SadThing]

I'm 34 and have never felt sexy or confident. I've never put an outfit on and felt good.

I have a pretty face but my body has always been awful.

Well not always. From my older teenage years to 19 I had a lovely figure but I was a shy reserved teenager so wore baggy clothes and even at that point, a size 12, I thought I was fat next to my size 8 friends.

Then at 19 I got pregnant with DS1 I immediately ballooned to a 16/18 and have stayed there my whole life. Well gone from 14 to 22.

Im a 22 now.

From my first pregnancy (I had 2 more) I got horrendous stretch marks. Not the kind that women moan about then show you little silver slithers. The kind you see on social media posts and think 'isn't she brave' for showing them as they are so pronounced.

My breasts went from non existant to a D cup. Up to an E in subsequent pregnancies and then deflated.

They look like the breasts of a pensioner.

I'm now a size 22 with a massive belly. Overhangs and gets sore underneath.

Honestly I'm just a mess.

Even if I lost weight I would have excess skin. Saggy breasts. Stretch marks.

My parter hasn't seen me naked in 10 years. We don't make love much. If we do I am wearing a vest or something.

I'm just sad. I'll never be able to stand in front of the mirror and think anything positivei wish I just at least had memories of feeling that way :(

I really feel for you OP, but the fact you don't feel confident about your body is a mental thing, not a physical one. I have a friend who is a lot bigger than you, and she is incredibly confident about her looks.

If you really want to start addressing some of the issues, I would suggest listening to a series of podcasts called Feel Better, Live More. They're really, really helpful in terms of getting you into a healthier state of mind, and also making healthy changes to your lifestyle.

I'm sure if you did lose weight you could tone up to a certain extent too. I think that you probably need to get healthier, which in turn would improve your mental image of yourself.

Also, try wearing some all-in-one underwear in the bedroom, as it's great for holding you in and up and will give you more confidence.

I could ha e written this post ten years ago, but I feel okay about my body now. I have recently lost a fair bit of weight (thanks Low Carb boot amp ) and am doing some exercise and my body looks so much better than it did. The stretch marks will never go away but I got used to them and my breasts look fine in a good bra... Am hoping I can feel good with a high waist bikini come the summer. Will be my first ever bikini 😁

Do you exercise OP?

I’m not saying it’s a quick fix to weight loss, more that it’s a great mood enhancer. Even just a brisk walk if you feel too heavy to do much else. Getting into the fresh air makes a world of difference to my mood. Moving my body makes me feel fitter (I’m not a skinny gym bunny by ANY means), makes me breathe better and take an awareness of my body. You might find that thinking about your fitness a bit more makes you less inclined to want to eat a lot of junk.

Try it?

You have to count your blessings

This is so sad. Society is telling you your body is wrong. It’s not wrong, it’s fucking amazing. You’re alive, your body has given you your babies, you have performed the most amazing human feat! Stop hating on it! Seriously. It’s absolute nonsense to only revere thin, young bodies. We’re not all thin and we don’t stay young. Does that mean we are meaningless or obsolete? All your achievements aren’t worth a damn because your body isn’t right? Feeling this way about your body is preventing you from being loved by your partner, it’s madness.

You're a young lady size doesn't equal beauty, it truly radiates from the inside.
You need to raise your confidence do something outside the normal to make yourself feel proud.
There is many women bigger than you who feel beautiful. Take 20 minutes 3 times a week pluck eyebrows, paint nails, little things will help create big change, try some CBT videos on YouTube, praise yourself daily even if it feels silly, you'll start believing in yourself.

I'm still chasing the bikini OP. I'm 41 now and have never ever felt good about my body, but always dreamt that one day a diet will work and I'll make it into a bikini! It's not happening, but I'm not giving up. Maybe join weight watchers or something so you have support to reach your ideal weight. Or, perhaps betters still (I also need to take my own advice here) see a therapist who can help you realise you are beautiful as you are and need to stop chasing an illusion

I'll never be able to stand in front of the mirror and think anything positivei wish I just at least had memories of feeling that way :(

You're a size 22. It is within your reach to change this if you want it badly enough. I did. It was hard work and I certainly haven't been left with an amazing body but it is much better and I feel a lot better. Don't give up, you are worth more than you think!

Hi Sadthing,

I relate to a lot of you have mentioned. I am heavy with floppy cup size Fs and a BMI of 33. I'm 31 and do worry that even if I lose weight I won't look great. However I've not had kids and I'm worried that I might never do so. As much as possible do think about the fact that yours (body) has given you three kids and seen you through life well.

A supportive bra, some weight loss and make-up can make a big difference so you won't necessarily always feel as you do now. Also remember that most people are struggling with similar issues- they might not be overweight but they're probably worried about the shape of their nose or their undereye circles and feel similar to you.

Who told you that you had to look perfect?

I agree that losing weight should be on your to do list, as should the walking. Without cutting calories could you make small changes about what you eat?

You'd be surprised later on how weights can change your body. Do things gradually and it would minimise excess skin. There's new treatments to tighten up skin coming out all the time. Likewise overhang.

But you're jumping too far ahead. Start with small goals.

I feel like I don't want to loose weight because then I'll have loose skin and I cnat get rid of it. I feel like that would be worse than being fat

If you lose weight slowly and exercise at the same time I don’t think loose skin would be a major issue at 34 there is plenty of time to do something if you really want to .

If you lose weight very gradually (e.g. 1lb a week) then you might not have a huge amount of loose skin, even if you have some stomach-overhang at the moment.

I really relate to your post OP, as I was in the same boat. Still am, really, because I will always have lose skin and sagging breasts because I can't afford the surgery to fix that.

But I was a size 22 at the start of 2019 and now I'm a size 14-16 (another faithful follower of the low carb high fat lifestyle) and I go to the gym 3 times a week. I can run and I lift weights and I walk everywhere I can.

It is possible to turn yourself around but I truly believe you have to have that light bulb moment where it just makes sense.

I used to hate my body, be absolutely repulsed by it, but after losing 6 and a half stone (another 2 and a half to go) I've come to appreciate how truly amazing it actually is. No I won't ever be walking the Victoria Secret catwalk, but my body created, carried and birthed 2 healthy children. It fed them for 2 and a half years and through running and exercise its getting stronger and I'm able to do so much more than I thought I could. I used to be in pain getting myself off the settee but that pain has gone now.

I started with the low carb diet and I started walking with the pram everyday. My phone counts my steps so I would aim for over 10,000 a day and kept a diary to track my steps and just generally keep a note of my feelings and achievements. After a few months I took the plunge and joined my local YMCA gym and started C25K. It was terrifying at first but now it's my "me" time away from the hectic routine at home.

I really hope in time you come to realise how amazing you are, and whether you decide to lose weight or love the amazing body you're in, that you start to go easy on yourself and build up your self esteem 😊

I've found plenty of amazing company and support on the weightloss boards on MN over the years, if you think you might be at the stage where you want to start a healthier way of life maybe make a thread over there? That's what I did and just having other people in the same boat really helped me!

They look like the breasts of a pensioner.

Lost my sympathy with that comment.

Also sorry for the lack of paragraphs in that essay, I did put them in bug my MN app seems to intensively dislike them

It's so strange that people don't want to lose weight because of the loose skin. People with loose skin still look bloody amazing in their clothes once they get to grips with dressing for their new body.

You already won't let your husband see you naked so what difference does it make? You will be healthier, have more energy and probably feel better in your clothes.

YABU - you may well develop self confidence and body confidemce in the future but you'll have to work for it. Change is hard, especially changing your mindset.

And you are definitely not too old to lose weight and ave perfectly normal skin. 50, 60, yes, the elasticity's gone. 34? You have plenty of time to make changes successfully.

Do you do anything active, OP? Doesn’t have to be a big thing- I just always feel so much more positive about my body when I’m exercising- it changes the focus for me from how I look, to what my body is capable of. I’m proud of my body for the first time ever because of what it can do (and trust me, I’m no athlete!)

Regarding the prey about losing weight and gaining saggy skin- try it gradually and see what happens. Losing weight will perhaps be of benefit to your health, too?

*worry, not prey 🙄

I feel like I don't want to loose weight because then I'll have loose skin and I cnat get rid of it. I feel like that would be worse than being fat It won't be. Your body will be healthier, it is best to try while you are young, leave it another decade it will be harder, skin will lose more elasticity, your size will also increase, your knees and back will give in by then, you won't be able to move to lose the weight.
Use this as a light bulb moment.

I don't do anything.

I have bad mental health issues. I border on agoraphobic. I go out maybe once or twice a week.

It's bad.

Try do something at home personal care and an exercise video on YouTube. How is your personal grooming improving it can give you a lift.
Are you getting any professional help.

Op you’re only 34. You don’t need to live your life like this. There is no reason you can’t feel positive about your body.

With the right diet and exercise you can tone it all up at the same time as you lose it. loose skin is about the individual, not everyone gets it, and at your age you might not. but it’s amazing what exercise and muscle definition can do, if you do it at the same time as dieting.

I’ve been up to close to an eighteen. I’m a ten now. And have been between that and a twelve, for quite a long time, I go to the gym most days. My body looks fine in clothes, but early last year I stood in my friends bright sunny en suite after showering, and noticed my body looked my age, I had the shape but I still had that kinda droopy thing that happens to skin as we age, I stood in the same bathroom two weeks ago and I don’t have it any more. Everything looks tighter and more defined. I’m fifty one. The gym did that.

If I can do it at my age, you definetly can at yours. Saying you don’t want to because of the risk of loose skin is just an excuse.

This time next year you can be looking at a very different woman. You only get one crack at life, you may as well spend it happy. Thirty four is far to young to be saying this is it.