To be sad that I've NEVER felt good about my body and never will now?

[SadThing]

I'm 34 and have never felt sexy or confident. I've never put an outfit on and felt good.

I have a pretty face but my body has always been awful.

Well not always. From my older teenage years to 19 I had a lovely figure but I was a shy reserved teenager so wore baggy clothes and even at that point, a size 12, I thought I was fat next to my size 8 friends.

Then at 19 I got pregnant with DS1 I immediately ballooned to a 16/18 and have stayed there my whole life. Well gone from 14 to 22.

Im a 22 now.

From my first pregnancy (I had 2 more) I got horrendous stretch marks. Not the kind that women moan about then show you little silver slithers. The kind you see on social media posts and think 'isn't she brave' for showing them as they are so pronounced.

My breasts went from non existant to a D cup. Up to an E in subsequent pregnancies and then deflated.

They look like the breasts of a pensioner.

I'm now a size 22 with a massive belly. Overhangs and gets sore underneath.

Honestly I'm just a mess.

Even if I lost weight I would have excess skin. Saggy breasts. Stretch marks.

My parter hasn't seen me naked in 10 years. We don't make love much. If we do I am wearing a vest or something.

I'm just sad. I'll never be able to stand in front of the mirror and think anything positivei wish I just at least had memories of feeling that way :(

Are there non-food activities you could do when you are down? Ideally manually dextrous things. Doesn't matter if you aren't good at them you will getter better at them when you do.
I find being outside for a short while just walking is a good way to focus on the now, the thissness of things - moving your body and being with the environment.

I sew. I like to make things. Draw.

I haven't done any of it in so long. I just sleep all day.

I need to make changes. I know I do.

It's just the fear of failure. Because I go back to my old ways every. Single. Time.

@SadThing Try to improve your MH firstly if possible the rest will follow.
How are you sleeping all day? Is your partner at home, little steps get up early for a week, set yourself a task of 5 thing's you enjoy the first week and increase from there. Are you taking the correct medication. Your stuck in a rotten cycle.

I'm a size 20. I've lost just a stone since I decided enough was enough. (6 months)
BUT I've been going to the gym and the changes are astounding. I'm actually toning up, despite being so big, my skin is smoother, my arse is rounded rather than blobby, my tummy is tightening (yes, I have overhang) my boobs are perkier.
I'm so much more confident.
Unfortunately it's taken me until my 40s to realise that it takes work.
I don't buy into the mental health issues I'm afraid. I've had very rough time mentally over the past decade. Only one person can change it. (I'm not minimising. I've contemplated some very drastic things. So no "good for you, not everyone is that lucky" please)
Deal with it or don't. It's up to you.

I'm an emotional eater with severe depression

I'm sick of begging for therapy
When you find there is no help, self help is needed. I know services are shit but nothing comes easy, once you start achieving you'll become more confident.
Daily exercise is the best therapy for body and mind, only you can achieve the balance. I promise it will work.

I agree that self help is needed now.
There’s so much you can look up and read on line, YouTube videos for everything from exercise videos, healthy eating meal prep ideas and food addiction info.
Tap in to your inner resource and see if you can find something that works for you.
Most forms of therapy rely on inner resources too. There’s no magic wand unfortunately.
Keep trying though.

I'm so sad to hear how you're feeling. can you try a gentle walk, is there any nice countryside nearby? Focus on the things you like about yourself, maybe treat yourself to some of you favourite makeup or lotion

I've lost six stone so far and have no loose skin.

I've taken a somewhat scenic route (about 3st a year), and am building muscle all the time, and have sprints of 20-30lb losses over a few months and stable periods. Even my boobs are staying fairly perky even though I've gone from a 38K to a 32J.

What helps me is the mindset that I am rewarding my body, spoiling it even, by giving it what it needs (exercise and good nutritious food) not what my emotions want (shit food).

My honest recommendation is to take it sloooooooow. I've seen so many crash dieters keep a diet kick going (mostly, tbh, until their weddings). My loss has been much steadier but much more sustainable habits and attitudes. I wouldn't even look at my first weigh in slip, now I'm happy on weigh in day.

I was 21st. Now I have the resting heart rate of an athlete, a waist less than half my height and can run a 5 or 10k with ease. And no. Loose. Skin.

If you have 3 DC they must be still young if you're 34 focus for them.
DC feed off the environment they are in, they learn only what we show them.
I bet you don't want them to mirror your life do it for them.

I can relate. Even when I was slim (a size 10), I was enormous compared to my friends at the time who were all a size 6 or 8 with long slim legs.

I would KILL to be able to put a pair of shorts on and a t-shirt and just go outside in the summer. I dread it getting warmer as I can't put a long coat on to cover up.

I'm trying to lose weight (I'm a size 16 at the minute) but irrespective of that, I don't believe I will ever ever like the way I look.