To be sad that I've NEVER felt good about my body and never will now?

[SadThing]

I'm 34 and have never felt sexy or confident. I've never put an outfit on and felt good.

I have a pretty face but my body has always been awful.

Well not always. From my older teenage years to 19 I had a lovely figure but I was a shy reserved teenager so wore baggy clothes and even at that point, a size 12, I thought I was fat next to my size 8 friends.

Then at 19 I got pregnant with DS1 I immediately ballooned to a 16/18 and have stayed there my whole life. Well gone from 14 to 22.

Im a 22 now.

From my first pregnancy (I had 2 more) I got horrendous stretch marks. Not the kind that women moan about then show you little silver slithers. The kind you see on social media posts and think 'isn't she brave' for showing them as they are so pronounced.

My breasts went from non existant to a D cup. Up to an E in subsequent pregnancies and then deflated.

They look like the breasts of a pensioner.

I'm now a size 22 with a massive belly. Overhangs and gets sore underneath.

Honestly I'm just a mess.

Even if I lost weight I would have excess skin. Saggy breasts. Stretch marks.

My parter hasn't seen me naked in 10 years. We don't make love much. If we do I am wearing a vest or something.

I'm just sad. I'll never be able to stand in front of the mirror and think anything positivei wish I just at least had memories of feeling that way :(

Maybe if you lost a few stone, but stopped around size 16? That would help with the loose skin issue and if you got out more, running (couch to 5 K etc) it would help with the mental health issue.

I'm sorry but my personal opinion is its rubbish to say your size 22 body is wonderful. It's not, it's unhealthy and uncomfortable and you know it or you wouldn't be posting here. You can do something about it. Look at slimming clubs, a diet that suits you, husbands support and so on. You need to feel better about yourself, and losing weight will help that, along with some counselling.

I've no doubt I will be slaughtered, but obesity isn't attractive, healthy or helping with OPs confidence issues. Doing something about it will help her confidence.

I've never been obese for long but have loose skin since I'm 41 it goes with the territory. You'll have maybe a bit more but it really isn't that bad. I saw a fit young man with an obvious 'pooch' where his FUPA was once but I didn't think that was gross - it was a battle scar and a sign of victory - He must have once been very obese in the past.
Rather than focus on looks what about fitness? Think about 'I want to walk continously for an hour' or 'I want to do chin-ups'. When you get your body to do things then you can think of it as an awesome thing and not just something to look at.

I had a boob job recently and I'm older than you.It boosted my confidence no end as I hated my boobs post pregnancy but this approach isnt for everyone I know.Your partner loves your body I bet and I'm sure he doesnt see the "flaws" that you do.

I can't afford surgery

I'd get it all if I could.

You don't know if you'd need surgery, until you lost the weight and toned up.

The solutions are in your hands.

I was a size 24 about three years ago and now I'm a 12-14 through sheer hard work and lots of exercise. Is my body perfect? Absolutely not, but I'm a damn site happier with it now.
Never give up.

@Makingmyownhappinessnow can I ask if you have found you have skin issues following your amazing weight loss?

I'm a size 22 currently 8lb down with lots and lots to go. I'm dry body brushing and moisturising and also trying to lose weight sensibly rather than crash dieting but do have a fear that I'm going to just have a massive load of loose skin.

I need surgery already. Breast surgery for sure

I don’t know what you’re expecting from the post when you don’t feel like you can do anything about it or want loose skin.
You could download my fitness pal if you didn’t want to go to a weight loss group and aim to loose 1-2lb a week.i think loose skin is worse if you loose it quickly.

I don't know either.

I can't lose the weight and keep it off.

I've been in this cycle 15 years and never come close to breaking it.

Guess I just felt Linley and wanted to put the word on paper so to speak

Lonely*

op Have you sought some form of medical help in terms of counselling or via your gp?

Your attitude is very much this is it for the rest of my life, but it’s not something you’re happy with. Which is very sad.

Clearly there are plenty of solutions available to you that don’t include surgery and that would improve your quality of life, health and appearance in your eyes.

But you’re totally and utterly unwilling to even contemplate it. Which indicates this is not about the physicality more then mental process. Maybe you should see your gp for help through this as this seems more psychological than physical. You can loose weight and tone up. That’s a given. But your mind won’t let you. So that’s where you need to focus.

Good luck.

Please seek help for your mental health. This is no way to live.

Okay I feel your pain. I’m not in exactly the same situation, but I have had body hang ups and I have put on a lot of weight and my breasts are just flaps of skin after extended breastfeeding. Plus I am older now. However I honestly have never felt better about my body. I had to literally train myself to not care ! It was hard to start with. But after a day of sitting on the beach all covered up and missing out on the fun with my children while others ran around having a great time, I simply decided to make myself not care. Sheer will power.

So now I put on my bikini with my c section over hang and saggy boobs and stretch marks and loose pasty skin whatever and run around and just don’t care. And after a while you realise no one else does. Seriously no one on the beach cares a jot. It helps that I am of an age where women become ‘invisible’ . But even so I find it kind of liberating. I have an mental cloak over myself if you like. So now my beauty regime consists of me being clean and fresh and healthy, and wearing comfortable clothes that I like, rather than what hides the bad bits or what’s in fashion. It’s been so liberating I can’t tell you. And strangely I have had some male attention even, and I’m sure it’s because I am confident in who and what I am now, and I can radiate that, rather than trying to be what I am not, and the sadness seeing out of me.

I am sad I wasted all those years of not loving my body, which has served me and my children well. I now celebrate the efficiency with which my body works and look after it like a car being serviced. But I don’t worry about the cosmetics.

I’m not saying it was easy, but I have found that acceptance was the way forward. Xxx

It really isn't too late. I was 20 stone a year and half ago, I've lost 8 stone and look fantastic, there is a bit of loose skin in places but barely noticeable. It is so worth losing it and feeling good in clothes. I feel good having sex naked too.

I've been on antidepressants 15 years. Th GPs really don't care.
I went back the other day and they tried to put me on mirtazapine which makes you GAIN weight. They don't care

Have you spoken to them and requested help for your weight though? Yes your depression will need to come first in terms of treatment, depending on severity and I imagine they wish to try to tackle that without the complexity of weight loss.

I remember meeting this girl when I was 14? She was a big girl. But the guys literally fell at her feet. She was very pretty. But it was schooldays. But this girl exuded confidence. I meant she just had this beam around her. I realised from that day. It wasn't about body size. Wasn't about being pretty. It was all about confidence. I worked hard to find confidence. Trust me OP. It works. Men love a co rodent woman. As do women actually.

You don't know it though. Till you have it. I wish I could give you. For one hour. The confidence That girl had. It changes lives.

Mirtazapine is awful for weight gain. You were wise to turn it down.

Without being too harsh OP you need to help yourself a bit , even if your GP refers you for bariatric surgery they will expect you to do some ground work before they will operate . I’d advise that you see a different GP , if necessary change practice and speak to them about your mental health and your weight as you’ve got a lot of years ahead of you .

Do you want to lose weight OP or do you want to feel good about yourself? Because, despite what MN tells you, they are not inextricably intertwined.

You can be fat and feel good about yourself, and even beautiful, and you can be skinny and miserable.

I do recommend counseling for your self esteem but not weight loss. All the weight loss in the world won't help you if you hate yourself.

Youth is limited. Good looks are transient. These things aren’t important. One day, we and all of our peers will be old and grey and wrinkled... if we are lucky.
I place much more emphasis on my personality. I can never look better than I do now. But I can be kinder, funnier, more intelligent. Those things are almost limitless when you put your mind to them. So I learn. I learn as much as I can about as many topics as I can do I can hold (hopefully) interesting conversations with people. That’s how I connect - not with a size 10 arse.

Oh OP you sound really low - sorry to hear you don’t get out of the house much. I like Bodiposipanda on instagram for avoiding slef hatred - our bodies keep us alive, we are lucky to have them (whatever the size).

I'd be a bit wary of some aspects of the body positive movement - it has been hijacked by fat acceptance which says you can be healthy at any size - physics will differ with that.
Having said that, accepting where you are now is a start but don't fall into the trap of fat acceptance = fat givenup. You might see many nice Instagram pictures but none of them are 'action' shots.

I'm with PPs you should consider swapping GPs mind.

They won't do bariatric. My BMI is just belown

I've been several times. They tell me to joing slimming World.

Or tell me to lose a stone then they'll prescribe Alli

I'm an emotional eater with severe depression

I'm sick of begging for therapy