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Original poster

To not find ‘useless men’ funny?

80 replies

usuredo · 08/03/2020 12:06

Keep seeing stuff on Facebook about useless husbands/dads and how hilarious it all is.

A few friends shared the same post on FB which was one of those parenting story things by a blogger about a fictional ‘mummy’ and ‘daddy’ about how mummy just gets on with things without being told anything but daddy needs to be asked to ‘watch the kids’ and given lists about basic things like washing and feeding and bedtime, that daddy gets home from work to a clean house and kids in bed whilst mummy always comes in from her part-time job to chaos and has to run round tidying up and re-sorting out the kids. It was all laughter reaction emojis and thousands of comments along the lines of ‘Hahaa this is so true!’ crying laughing emojis.

I’m also on a few cleaning groups on FB (‘hinching’ and similar) and it’s a regular fixture to see the ‘Lol men are so useless!’ posts where women talk about coming in from work and having to do 100% of all the housework along with eye roll and laughing crying emojis. I see it constantly in relation to different things, even ‘oh I’ve been bed-ridden with flu for a few days and now I’m better the house is completely upside down because my partner was off work and taking care of the kids/running everything hahaha! Any tips on how to do a massive deep tidy and clean in one day?’

It may be a massive sense of humour failure because it’s all lighthearted I suppose but I’ve been through that kind of set-up and it’s actually completely shit and depressing, and I feel like these kinds of posts just normalise it and make it humour and acceptable?

OP posts:
Original poster
usuredo · 09/03/2020 12:15

@Thurmanmurman someone shared a really good feminist comic strip type thing on here about the whole ‘oh but I’ll do it if you ask me to’ attitude some men have, I’ll have to see if I can find it!

OP posts:
datasgingercatspot · 09/03/2020 12:16

And yet there was a thread recently saying you're not properly committed if you don't live with your partner.

Oh, yeah, that was straight out of 1950s, but without the marriage part. Surprising when every other thread in Relationships features a woman living with a caveman.

AryaStarkWolf · 09/03/2020 12:19

I wouldn't find it fucking funny if I was married to one of those useless arseholes. I wouldn't have though, women need to raise the bar

NaviSprite · 09/03/2020 13:17

I have heard this when I’ve braved toddler groups - the mums all chat about how awful it is to have to look after their DH’s as well as the children. It struck me more as being a little like gallows humour. I’m not comfortable with it though.

I don’t get angry that so many women joke about this - I think that’s a coping mechanism for those who genuinely don’t know how to change the power dynamic in their own relationships. I’m angry that we’re in 2020 now and some men still take the view that raising children and looking after a house is all women’s work.

JustInCaseCakeHappens · 09/03/2020 13:54

I don't find it funny at all.

It's insulting to men, most of them are just as able and willing as any woman.

it's insulting to women who pretend it's a badge of honour to be the only one who can clean a loo or tidy up the tea towels properly. they are the one who are pissing on the efforts of others to be treated as equal.

Splurgle · 09/03/2020 14:10

I was set upon on the TOMM Facebook group by lots of women calling me "bitter" and "jealous" Hmm because I couldn't understand why a man on there said he "helped" his wife around the house and got so much praise from everyone. I said to him thst most women I know do that all day every day and don't expect or get a pat on the back.
I left the group after that and often scoff when I read how "friendly" it is Confused, they were really horrid to me!

PardonWhat · 09/03/2020 14:25

Splurgle

Only friendly if you’re a ‘hun’ it seems!

Northernsoullover · 09/03/2020 14:31

I had a fabulous role model with my dad. Even now at 75 he and my mum still share the housework. It meant I'd never stand for anything less than equal input into the running of the home.

itslateimsleeping · 09/03/2020 21:27

I left a mums group on Facebook because I got so tired of the responses of 'men don't get it', 'men are useless', 'men aren't good with babies', 'you need to ask them specifically'. The posts were about husbands not doing their share, not looking after their own babies once born, using their paternity leave playing xbox and abusive men. It was so depressing.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 10/03/2020 05:13

Men are only useless if you let them be from the get go...just don't move in with them if there is ANY hint of this nonsense.

A few men just don't see it as anything to do with them.... Their own kids, their own mess....

Some just take the position, ill do x, but only if she asks me/written in semaphore...

Luckily, for me, I don't have either of these... He's done much more than his share for years as my health is rubbish.

Kubo · 10/03/2020 05:50

I’m pretty sure I failed to bond with my antenatal group because the meetups turned into complaining about DHs sessions. It was like that scene in Mean Girls when Lindsay Lohan doesn’t understand that she’s supposed to hate her body in some way.

StormBaby · 10/03/2020 05:54

Totally agree, the amount of men who can't be left alone with their kids, can't be trusted to food shop, cannot clean up... God it gives me the rage! My ex husband was like this and ultimately, it broke us. I was always his last consideration, always bottom of the pile, always carrying the load. It was exhausting.
Thank god I've got a real partnership with my 2nd DH.

TomPinch · 10/03/2020 06:04

I'm surrounded by men who work hard for their families and don't expect any praise.

I suspect that at least some of these FB women have equally capable husbands and they're hamming things up just a little to be 'in'.

alwayscrashinginthesamecar1 · 10/03/2020 06:31

But why TomPinch? Why would you want to exaggerate your partner's uselessness for laughs? I just feel sorry for woman who are stuck with men like this, I certainly don't think its funny. My husband and teenage son as just as able to cook, clean etc as I am.

itgetsthehoseagain · 10/03/2020 06:33

My husband once put my DD (a toddler at the time) into her car seat, commenting on how her clothes were a bit damp. Turned out he had forgotten to put a nappy on her. Even the dampness didn't lead him to that discovery - joining dots is not his skill! I didn't get angry at him - but you're right, this is because I've set the bar so low for him with anything to do with organisation. However, when it comes to socially engaging with people, delivering information to large crowds etc, there is no-one better than him - and my bar rests on the floor. Different skills require different bar heights!

Somebodystired · 10/03/2020 06:41

I'm with you OP.

On a similar note, I manage a man in his 40s who works flexible to pick his kids up from school every day. He's in an admin support role, nice guy but not particularly good at his job with no real potential for promotion. I had a colleague gush about him the other day how AMAZING it was that he has put his career on hold to allow his wife to climb the ladder Hmm

MamaFlintstone · 10/03/2020 06:42

It’s both demeaning to men and perpetuating the problem of emotional labour falling overwhelmingly on women. YANBU.

missinginactiongeorge · 10/03/2020 06:43

They now banned ads that show the 'hopeless' male parent under the sexism rules that have been brought in.
I don't think it's funny when friends talk about having to work and do most of the house/kids stuff, half of them have divorced over it. Maybe those FB women are in a 'laugh or cry' position.

slipperywhensparticus · 10/03/2020 06:55

My ex sends me pictures of the children while in his care (around 8 hours a week no overnight school runs etc) I dont know why he is seeking my approval for taking them to a park? He brings them back early too after giving them cereal and sweets in the back of his car for lunch I feel like sending him 👏👏👏👏 but this week I started sending back pictures of my cats (who he has never met) because it's so random

Gre8scott · 10/03/2020 07:06

When our daughter was born my husband was treated like shit by the midwifes and health visitors like really crap. He was helping me get her latched on and was removed from the room by the midwife he had kept me alive for 2weeks by feeding me and keeping the house going as I was so I'll after a big blood lose and the hv came in and said let's give he a form to fill in till give him something to do. He is my rock he worked 60hrs a week and makes sure he is back for tea with our girl he does has fair share of all the chores and we are a team.
I was sat ina toddler group once where everyone was slagging their men and I was like no my husbands does xyz and the looks of shock were amazing
We need to except more or just balance out the jobs I do more in the house as I work less and he brings in more money to our lifes fair balance

FrippEnos · 10/03/2020 07:14

alwayscrashinginthesamecar1
But why TomPinch? Why would you want to exaggerate your partner's uselessness for laughs?

Because they can big themselves up and at the same time start conversations about how useless men are.

MinnieMountain · 10/03/2020 08:00

MIL left FIL because he was useless round the house and only did the fun bits of parenting.
She's another woman in her 60's who doesn't want a partner now as she says most men of her generation expect to be waited on.
It's sad that so many men born in the 1970's and later still don't get it.

pollysproggle · 10/03/2020 08:16

I agree OP, I don't find them funny but definitely truth in them.
I love my husband very much, works very hard, cares for the children equally although im around more so inevitably do more care but when it comes to the house I'm always telling him what needs doing.
I refuse to make the man excuse, I just say he's lazy in that aspect, I can be lazy too after all.
I also think the term 'hands on dad' should be banished!! Who invented that shit anyway???
You never hear of a hands on mum do you?

SmallChickBilly · 10/03/2020 08:44

Not only would this force them to re-evaluate their own situation as women that are enabling a useless man, but also it raises questions about why they have allowed such a situation to arise and the kind of example this is setting their children.

I think that part of the reason women 'laugh' about this stuff, is because complaints are often met with this kind of thing. It's not enough that they pick up the slack where their husbands are concerned, but in doing so, they are blamed for 'enabling' their laziness. As though they should bear responsibility for another adult's behaviour as well as doing everything else!

SilverySurfer · 10/03/2020 12:43

I couldn't agree more, there are countless threads on here from women complaining their DH/partner does nothing or they are professional incompetents so the woman has to redo the task. Since it's unlikely these men have ever been any different, it's pointless living with them, have a number of children by them and then deciding to complain. If they don't complain they find their incompetence amusing and metaphorically pat them on the head, poor dears. They can't shop or clean or do the washing or parent their own children - fucking useless.

I hate it when people mention the 1950s as being a time when men were expected and did nothing. I was a child of the 40s/50s and although my DF worked six days a week, he still did his share of housework and parenting (not babysitting).

It comes down to some women would rather have useless lazy slobs than no man in their lives. It's not surprising that those who live the longest are single women and married men.