To not find ‘useless men’ funny?

[usuredo]

Keep seeing stuff on Facebook about useless husbands/dads and how hilarious it all is.

A few friends shared the same post on FB which was one of those parenting story things by a blogger about a fictional ‘mummy’ and ‘daddy’ about how mummy just gets on with things without being told anything but daddy needs to be asked to ‘watch the kids’ and given lists about basic things like washing and feeding and bedtime, that daddy gets home from work to a clean house and kids in bed whilst mummy always comes in from her part-time job to chaos and has to run round tidying up and re-sorting out the kids. It was all laughter reaction emojis and thousands of comments along the lines of ‘Hahaa this is so true!’ crying laughing emojis.

I’m also on a few cleaning groups on FB (‘hinching’ and similar) and it’s a regular fixture to see the ‘Lol men are so useless!’ posts where women talk about coming in from work and having to do 100% of all the housework along with eye roll and laughing crying emojis. I see it constantly in relation to different things, even ‘oh I’ve been bed-ridden with flu for a few days and now I’m better the house is completely upside down because my partner was off work and taking care of the kids/running everything hahaha! Any tips on how to do a massive deep tidy and clean in one day?’

It may be a massive sense of humour failure because it’s all lighthearted I suppose but I’ve been through that kind of set-up and it’s actually completely shit and depressing, and I feel like these kinds of posts just normalise it and make it humour and acceptable?

I think there is also an element that women seek to validate their own situation and lack of involvement of their partner by sharing these memes in the hope that other women will be like "my DP/H is like this too". It might make them feel less of a mug and happier with their lot if they can ascertain agreement from enough people that this is just the way it has to be.

I don't think they would be ecstatic if people started to respond back with comments about how their relationship is more equal and how the useless DP was actually just a poor excuse for a father. Not only would this force them to re-evaluate their own situation as women that are enabling a useless man, but also it raises questions about why they have allowed such a situation to arise and the kind of example this is setting their children.

As soon as it becomes apparent that men aren't just inherently useless shit parents then it becomes difficult for anybody to justify why men are being allowed to behave like this.

It’s the stereotypical opposite of a woman being unable to open jars or fill up on petrol isn’t it? If I were a man I’d be pissed to be cast as a dickhead but too many are happy with the side effect of being able to be a lazy arse.

I always call it out whenever I hear it. I hate the ‘that’s men for you’ retort to complaints about house keeping/parenting. Bullshit these men (who generally don’t shut up about how important they are at work or their hobby) can’t figure out basic life tasks because they’ve got testicles.

Funny how the woman are saying it's not childcare when looking after the children but whe relationships breakdown it's well how much have I saved you in childcare etc. Cake and eat it.

@TheBusDriver

I don’t think I understand your point? The savings in childcare apply when one parent works and the other doesn’t (often because the finances are better for it after allowing for childcare).

Outside of working hours is generally referred to as ‘parenting’.

TheBusDriver

Come again?

I always worry about what would happen to these men if the women in their lives just got fed up and walked out. Would they starve to death after trapping themselves under a giant pile of unwashed laundry?

@TheBusDriver well it’s not childcare, it’s parenting but having a SAHP saves money on childcare. Having one parent that does everything all the time confers even more advantage on the non-parenting parent.

So many TV shows have this dynamic too. Highly strung mum and laid-back useless manchild dad.

Don’t judge anything by thickbook. Some women also nudge this thinking by the “look at me” martyrdom, of doing it all.
No saying some men aren’t incompetent but the best way to combat it is to teach all children independence and not baby them.

My husband does all the laundry from start to finish. Yesterday he processed four loads of laundry.

I do all the cooking and I online order the groceries.

He washes up or I do.

He can tidy up after a meal.

I sometimes wonder how some people 'cop' for a bone idle lazy partner.

For the record, we both work full time.

My friend is always sharing things like this on our mums WhatsApp group. Like "mum and dad get ready for an evening out" where the mum gets the kids and herself ready, while the dad watches TV and sprays a bit of aftershave on the way out.

Everyone responds with laughing emojis but I really want to say "maybe your husband is useless but mine actually did more to get the kids ready than me".

I also so a fb post where a woman pointed out the difference between her lay in and his lay in.

Difference?

He actually got a lay in whereas she didn’t and ever to be thought it was hilarious

I was

Everyone thought it was hilarious**

I agree with you. It also annoys me the way some female presenters on breakfast time TV (BBC) talk to/about the male presenter.

got it

And yet there was a thread recently saying you're not properly committed if you don't live with your partner.

Plenty of women like me realise they lose out in these situations so decide never to get into them and would rather live alone. My partner is a kind and loving man but not domesticated to my standards and I could not cope living with him.

I always worry about what would happen to these men if the women if their lives just got fed up and walked out.

Well, I can tell you what happen to my exh when I ended the marriage. He bought himself a flat, got himself a cleaner and for years lived on expensive takeaways.

Over the last few years he's learned how to put a bit of fish in the oven, although I think he still buys in his salads and precooked vegetables. Although, he does leave all his washing up for his cleaner to do when she comes.

His cleaner does all his washing and ironing, bed changing and so on, even does a bit of sewing on of buttons when required.

Basically, as soon as I was no longer on the scene he replaced me with a cleaner/substitute mother; which, I suspect, I was to a great extent.

I’ve had people heaping praise on Dh recently. Including his parents who “can’t believe” he’s been doing all the housework and looking after the children. His dad even said I’d better watch out incase he leaves.

I’m pregnant and suffering with HG. I’ve been sick for almost two months now. Really fucking sick. Dh is doing everything because a) he’s a grown adult b) he’s the only functioning adult in the house at the the moment and c) he loves me and doesn’t want to see me struggle.

It’s no big deal to him. He just gets on with it as I would if he was too ill to get out of bed without fainting. But still, people are in awe. It’s pissing me off.

I must live in a parallel universe because I can't remember the last time I cooked anything or mopped the kitchen floor or even cleaned the kharzi,. Neither have I ever done any DIY or attacked the garden. And my husband works shift patterns and longer hours. In fact when he gets in from a night duty he'll punish the Hoover something wicked. He's also anal about the cooker. Has to be spotless. But he gets rewarded so he's not complaining.

Nah, I couldn't cope with a useless partner, and it is decidely not funny. DH works longer hours than I do, and I work from home, so I do more in the house than he does, but that doesn't stop him chucking in some wash, cleaning the kitchen after I've made tea, or parenting our children. He once had a real go at some women with whom I was planning a dinner out when they asked him if he would 'babysit' while I went out. He was insulted, as well he should be!

My mother used to say that my brother didn’t need to learn house work tasks and if he did anything, however small in the house it was like he had cured cancer and achieved world peace. He was born in 1983 yet my mother who was a martyr to my lazy and incompetent father but who moaned and moaned about how useless he was, actually raised another useless and incompetent man child.

I still don’t understand why she thought this was ok and it still makes me angry, but he still lives at home and just as useless 🙄

Thankfully my MIL although older had very different ideas and both DH and BIL are both fully functioning adults who can tackle pretty much anything that is thrown at them from work, DIY, cooking, baking, parenting, etc.

The only time I have ever seen DH struggle with is getting trousers taken up and he will pay someone for that. We tend to factor in everything that isn’t leisure or downtime and then just get in with whatever needs doing most and split chores so we have equal downtime, we don’t have set tasks although he loves cleaning and cooking but hates dusting.

@Soubriquet yes I’ve seen that one too! What it’s describing is basically selfish and lazy behaviour from a bloke who has no respect for his partner and can’t function as a competent adult, depressing rather than remotely funny.

A very timely post for me. I had an argument with DH just this morning, as he 'helps' me apparently, by giving kids breakfast and making their packed lunches! He works from home. I asked why it was helping me when they are his children too. For context I do all the washing, cleaning, school runs, most of the cooking and I work. He does do stuff round the house when asked but why should I have to, surely he can see the bin needs emptying as well as I can. It does piss me off and he's not even half as useless as some men.

Who is the main point of contact when your child is ill at school?

Who takes time off work to collect said children or do the school run?

I see this attitude a lot on a mums' Facebook page I'm on. But the depressing thing is they aren't even laughing about it, they complain but just accept it, like it's the natural order of things. Lots of "oh I know, they're all useless" and advice to make lists for their partners to follow.