AIBU to be quite clinical about this?

[redwinefine]

Basically, my husband bought a house before we met. His name, he paid the deposit, he pays the mortgage (I pay other stuff so it all works out fairly equally). I bought a car before we met. I use it every day to commute, he uses it once a week, so I pay for fuel, etc while he contributes to the insurance once a year. Both happy about this arrangement. I'm looking into getting a new car and commented that I would pay for it again because 'if we broke up it would be easier as then it's just mine. Just like this house is yours.' He was very upset about the 'if we broke up', saying it's my house too as I pay bills, etc and why would I even think like that. I didn't mean to upset him, I just think it's prudent to be prepared and to actually talk about these things. AIBU? (btw, we have no problems, issues, breaking up isn't on the cards in any way, I just said it as I've seen other couples having bitter rows after break-ups about houses, cars, etc)

I’m with you op. I never promise to dc that we won’t divorce either-I say we don’t intend to and love each other very much but if ever we do split up we will make sure dc are loved and looked after. Much better to be realistic!

Do your kids ask you if you intend to divorce, Haggis? I’d see that as a problem if it were my kids. It doesn’t tend to come up in conversation without a reason.

It sounds like you’re not really sure about your relationship.

People who are truly in love usually feel pretty sure. So I believe.

I understand being realistic but if you're anticipating a divorce while a new car is still worth a decent amount of money (so in the next 5 or so years) then I'd call that pessimistic and it would probably upset me if my husband thought like that

You can be as clinical as you like, but since you are married, the law says everything is an asset of that marriage, and now belongs to both of you.

And it certainly sounds like you think the marriage has a life-expectancy. A shorter one than the car, so I'd feel hurt too.

If it's your house too, then why isn't your name on the deeds for his your house?

Is your husband really upset with you or is he just bottom lip wobbling to divert you from having a conversation about your unequal finances?

Are your alarm bells ringing that something is wrong here?

I'm speaking from similar and very bitter personal experience here. Be clinical and get your name onto the deeds of his your house.

I'm like this in my relationship. I love dp and we've been together a long time, but no one can know what will happen in the future.

As we've chosen to remain unmarried we have done a fair amount of planning to ensure we will both be ok in the case of us breaking up (and that assets are shared fairly).

For me, it's just like planning for what would happen if one of us died or became seriously ill. I show love for my family by ensuring they will be ok in all situations.

People are wrong to assume the house is 50/50 it depends on several factors not least length of time married and if you have children - if a marriage breaks down in a relatively short period of time the judge will usually restore people to the situation prior to marriage and that would mean the house would be his entirely

Where a marriage has been short and there are no children, a financial clean break order may be required by the court. In the case, for example, of a two-year marriage with no children, the court is more likely to conclude that the parties should be financially self-supporting either immediately or within a defined period of time than if the parties had been together for several decades.

If the parties have been together for many years, the court is going to be very reluctant to look in detail at the source of the parties' assets following the pooling of financial resources over a lengthy relationship. If the relationship is of short duration, the only 'fair' way to proceed may be to look at what the parties brought to the marriage in terms of financial contributions and reflect this in the financial settlement

Why would you marry someone if you are that concerned about divorcing them that you don’t want to share a car?

I’m all for being financially prudent but quibbling over who owns a car seems very mercenary!

The house thing really doesn't bother me and I'm not going through the house putting labels on things that are MINE and I'll take with me or anything. It's more being realistic but if there are others who would prefer to live in la-la land and be blindsided when the claws come out if you get divorced, that's up to you.