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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex has been to a concert board this week and now a weekend away

55 replies

butsandpieces · 06/03/2020 23:19

My kids ex posted on FB to say he was attending a rock concert earlier this week in Berlin.

Then he is tagged in another post to show he has gone skiing in the Alps this weekend.

I had no idea about either but that's not the AIBU.

He has voluntarily taken two trips this week, so he will have been on four planes in a few days, and he also mixed with thousands of people at the concert. He will be in close proximity with lots of people over the next few days in the chalet or hotel and on ski lifts, in bars etc.

He will want to see the children as arranged next weekend, if he picks up the Coronavirus, they will become infected and give it to me. I have incurable cancer, am on chemotherapy and have reduced immunity. My estimated death rate if I catch it is between 6 and 15% depending on what you read.

Would IBU to tell him he can't see the kids until he's been back for 14 days symptom free?

OP posts:
Emmelina · 06/03/2020 23:22

Not unreasonable at all.

TerrorWig · 06/03/2020 23:26

YANBU.

Minnildn · 06/03/2020 23:27

Very reasonable IMO

Shouldbedoing · 06/03/2020 23:29

Yes he should stay away from the children for 2weeks as he's at high risk of contracting the virus and it could be fatal to you.

TeeniefaeTroon · 06/03/2020 23:31

YANBU

Original poster
butsandpieces · 06/03/2020 23:33

He will hit the roof and throw his toys massively out of the pram.

OP posts:
JasonBrun · 06/03/2020 23:33

Of course YANBU. Hopefully he will understand and not be a dick about it.

JasonBrun · 06/03/2020 23:34

Shit crossposted. Can you afford legal advice? Do you think he would get really nasty?

Original poster
butsandpieces · 06/03/2020 23:37

What will happen is that he will decide that I've been so unreasonable he will now be throughly uncooperative with other things. He barely talks to me as it is. Yes have had legal advice, they say he's abusive but legal advice in this particular issue won't be of much help.

OP posts:
maddy68 · 06/03/2020 23:37

I don't think you can stop him and (understandably ) you are being over paranoid.

He has as much chance if catching the virus there as he does in work

Yabu (but I understand why)

geekone · 06/03/2020 23:39

How about he keeps the DC for 2 weeks? Would he do that?

Honeyroar · 06/03/2020 23:40

I agree with Maddy but I can see why you’re scared and annoyed. I fly for a living and I’d stay away from anyone that has cancer.

JuanSheetIsPlenty · 06/03/2020 23:41

I’m so sorry OP.

YANBU at all.

I don't think you can stop him

Unless there is a court order stipulating contact then she can.

nosleepp · 06/03/2020 23:43

YANBU at all

Original poster
butsandpieces · 06/03/2020 23:43

I don't think you can stop him and (understandably ) you are being over paranoid.

He has as much chance if catching the virus there as he does in work

Yabu (but I understand why)

Not true. He has mixed with thousands of people at a concert and been on four planes this week. They don't clean planes in between journeys. He will now be mixing with random strangers on ski lifts and ski queues and in bars all week. So about 1000 times the exposure risk than if he'd stayed at home.

If you had a 6-15% chance of dying if you caught this virus would you think you were being paranoid? That's a one in seven chance. I haven't fought cancer for all this time to be finished off because my twat of an ex decides to go swanning off on voluntary trips, making him a high risk to catch it.....and giving it to me.

OP posts:
Grumpos · 06/03/2020 23:46

Not unreasonable at all, perhaps let it pan out a few days as it’s already had a large jump in numbers today then say that considering everything going on and your extremely serious health situation, you absolutely need him to give 14 days before having contact with the kids.
Let him hit the roof. He’s clearly gone a couple of weeks already without seeing them at his own choice.
It’s unfortunate but it’s hardly a regular occurrence. Let him go off it, it’s not more important to your health. It’s not more important than your kids having their mum fit and well.

Original poster
butsandpieces · 06/03/2020 23:46

Unless there is a court order stipulating contact then she can.

Nice idea in theory, thank you but sadly unrealistic in the time frame , which is by the end of the week. And very expensive.

OP posts:
Original poster
butsandpieces · 06/03/2020 23:47

Not unreasonable at all, perhaps let it pan out a few days as it’s already had a large jump in numbers today then say that considering everything going on and your extremely serious health situation, you absolutely need him to give 14 days before having contact with the kids.
Let him hit the roof. He’s clearly gone a couple of weeks already without seeing them at his own choice.
It’s unfortunate but it’s hardly a regular occurrence. Let him go off it, it’s not more important to your health. It’s not more important than your kids having their mum fit and well.

Perhaps I should offer him additional time with them after the 14 days instead, eg extra weekends and extra time in Easter holidays.

OP posts:
june2007 · 06/03/2020 23:48

I think YABU. REasons already mentioned by others.

JuanSheetIsPlenty · 06/03/2020 23:49

Nice idea in theory, thank you but sadly unrealistic in the time frame , which is by the end of the week. And very expensive

No- I meant, unless there is a court order stipulating the contact he has then you can stop him seeing the DC. I wasn’t saying you need a court order to prevent him seeing them. I’m saying you can stop him seeing them because there is no order in place.

JuanSheetIsPlenty · 06/03/2020 23:51

Perhaps I should offer him additional time with them after the 14 days instead, eg extra weekends and extra time in Easter holidays.

Yes do this.

When is he back from his ski trip?

StillCoughingandLaughing · 06/03/2020 23:53

I think in your circumstances, you have to put yourself first.

Olawisk · 06/03/2020 23:53

Can he have the kids for 14 days when he’s back ? Instead of him staying away from them for 14 days ?

Original poster
butsandpieces · 06/03/2020 23:54

No- I meant, unless there is a court order stipulating the contact he has then you can stop him seeing the DC. I wasn’t saying you need a court order to prevent him seeing them. I’m saying you can stop him seeing them because there is no order in place.

Oh I see! Can I? There is no court order in place.

I have no idea when he is back as I had no idea that he was even going in the first place, he barely talks to me and has a habit of lying about...we'll just about everything really and being uncooperative if I dare to stand up to him.

Someone please help me to word an email that will make him feel like he is control, that's the way to handle him.

OP posts:
Emmelina · 06/03/2020 23:55

Olawisk - that would risk the kids getting sick, and potentially bringing it home before their symptoms show.

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