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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think my friend was incredibly unfair?

589 replies

Refreshed · 06/03/2020 20:32

I look after a friend's 2 primary school DC's when they've finished school, every Monday. They often have swimming lessons so I take them to that, whilst I have a short swim with my DS and then get ready to get them.

They are on a small break from it so we did a fun swim instead. Their mum asked me to take them to Pizza Express for dinner. The one she was thinking of is no longer there so I took them to Pizza Hut style place instead.

My own DS was asleep and wasn't having anything. We got a huge pizza with bottomless drinks for all of us. The kids had an ice cream each. This all came to £16 so a fairly good deal. Loads of pizza was left over so I packed it up for the kids.

When we got to their house I handed over the change (the mum had given me £40 for their food). The receipt for it all was coincidentally in there to.

I've just received a text from friend saying ''Hi, was your drink at the pizza place paid for by you? Just wondered as the money was for [NAME REMOVED] and [NAME REMOVED]. The pizza was obviously huge so not bothered at that being shared! "

In truth I didn't pay for my own drunk, no. It was £2.70. Yet I don't charge if I've ever picked something up for the boys quickly. I don't charge for petrol going to and from their school or swimming.

Was I really being that cheeky or is she rude? Blush

[Edited by MNHQ to remove RL names]

OP posts:
Oldraver · 07/03/2020 16:47

Yes to £2.70 through the door

I would be making sure it was in silver coins x 30

iklboo · 07/03/2020 16:50

The OP has spent her own money on the friend's children without asking for it back or even mentioning it. The amount of favours OP has done she probably didn't even think £2.70 was that massive a deal in the greater scheme of things. She 'take it upon herself' or do it as some kind of revenge. Friend is unreasonable. It's bitten her on the arse now. I doubt she'll find another mug like the OP.

Dipi79 · 07/03/2020 17:03

Dear CF,

I am SOOOO sorry for my temerity in purchasing a £2.70 drink whilst looking after your children for you. If you msg me your bank details, I'll transfer the owed amount forthwith.
If you could also msg me an e-mail address, I'll send you the invoice for everything I have spent on your children whilst they have been in my (heretofore unpaid) care.

All the best,

OP 🖕🖕🖕🖕

😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 07/03/2020 17:04

But would you check the receipt, and make a huge fuss over £2.70 for a friend who had been looking after your children for free, and taking them to swimming, and who wouldn’t even have been in the Pizza Express if she hadn’t been taking your children there, @Cohle? Would you really begrudge such a helpful friend a Diet Coke?

Windyatthebeach · 07/03/2020 17:17

Post it on pennies along side your invoice..

LouiseCollina · 07/03/2020 17:27

I’m fascinated as to why you’re looking straight past the financial pisstaking the OP has endured for six straight weeks and focusing on the price of a soft drink?

Because, as I've said already, I think that's a separate issue that should be addressed separately. If OP was unhappy with that arrangement (as she has every right to be) she should have raised that with the friend. Not just taken it upon herself to treat herself out of money the friend intended to be spend on the kids. If my babysitter thinks I'm underpaying him I wouldn't be happy with him just helping himself to cash I'd left around the cash.

Except that the world doesn't work like that Cohle, and nor do the majority of the people in it. The ways that we treat each other impact on the ways we respond in kind. It is perfectly reasonable, since the OP's 'friend' was significantly treating herself to the OP's resources, that the OP would, without even thinking about it, treat herself to the price of a soft drink. This is a lesson the children's mother is set to discover, to her cost, and good enough for her, in my view.

Derbee · 07/03/2020 17:30

I’d send a cheque 😂

Mittens030869 · 07/03/2020 17:32

I have to admire @Cohle for her persistence in flogging a dead horse. She surely must know that she isn't convincing anyone that she has a genuine point.

What the rest of us see is that the OP has been massively taken advantage of by her so-called 'friend', who pays her a paltry £10 per month and then begrudges her spending £2:70 for a Diet Coke for herself when taking her DC to Pizza Hut on her request. If it was me, I would expect my friend to pay for a meal for herself not just a soft drink. It would be only right to pay for her and her DS as well, if she was only going there because I asked her to go there.

Once again, the OP is a friend doing her a favour, not her servant, (And even servants should be fairly treated.)

Bringringbring12 · 07/03/2020 17:40

I’m with @Cohle

Actually read one of her earliest posts

* If a friend gave me a sum for money for a specific purpose I wouldn't blithely assume it was ok to spend some of that money on myself without their permission. *

The sum of money involved makes it petty, but I think OP's behaviour was a little off that's all.

Of course I'd buy a friend a drink. But if a friend unilaterally bought themselves a drink on my card and left me to find out later when I looked at my bank statement, I'd be slightly taken aback.

I don't think doing someone a favour magically entitles you to help yourself to their cash if you feel like they're being cheeky. Talk to them about it or stop doing the favour - surely you don't just help yourself to what you feel like you deserve without telling them

I can’t see how that is anything but reasonable.

Cohle · 07/03/2020 17:41

I'm not trying to flog a dead horse, just reply to the comments people keep tagging me in Confused.

I only posted because I was surprised so many people thought it was ok to just help yourself to your friend's cash because you were doing them a favour. Two wrongs and all that...

People seem bizarrely defensive about it though. I didn't realise my opinion would hit such a nerve for some posters.

LoonyLunaLoo · 07/03/2020 17:43

Never mind the rest of the CFery, I can’t believe she’d be so cheeky as to ask you to take her children out for tea, and tell you where to take them and expect you to pay for your own drink that you wouldn’t have had if you hadn’t have been there.

LouiseCollina · 07/03/2020 17:45

People seem bizarrely defensive about it though. I didn't realise my opinion would hit such a nerve for some posters.

I don't think your points have hit any kind of nerve Cohle. I think people are just fascinated that anyone could look past such extremes of shoddy behaviour to focus on the price of a soft drink.

StoneofDestiny · 07/03/2020 17:46

I’d give her £3 and see if you get the change back!
Woman is an imbecile.

Bananabixfloof · 07/03/2020 17:51

If OP had spent £5 of the £40 would that be ok? Or £15, buying herself a different pizza and drink
Yes, jesus yes. this would be fine in my book. Someone is happy taking my kids to a activity and taking them for food, I wouldn't expect them to share a pizza. Kids are horrible little germ ridden monsters. I wouldn't expect anyone to share.
Also i would be happy if my friend only spent 2.70.

Mittens030869 · 07/03/2020 17:53

I just can't imagine being so tight about £2:70 for a soft drink if a friend was willing to do so much for my DDs as a favour to me. I'd be offering to pay for her and her DS as well as my DDs. It would be only right.

TheLowry · 07/03/2020 17:53

OP - do you know how your friend decided £2.50 for several hours child

SisterAgatha · 07/03/2020 17:55

I think Cohles position is entirely reasonable in a business arrangement. But OP doesn’t work for her mate. She’s a friend not a childminder, she was sitting there watching those kids eat on her own free time.

Cohle · 07/03/2020 17:58

I just can't imagine being so tight about £2:70 for a soft drink if a friend was willing to do so much for my DDs as a favour to me. I'd be offering to pay for her and her DS as well as my DDs. It would be only right.

No, neither can I and in the friend's shoes I'd have offered to pay for them both.

But given the friend didn't, I just don't think the right thing for the OP to do was to help herself anyway.

I don't think two wrongs make a right. Yes the friend has obviously behaved badly, but that doesn't give OP the right to help herself to someone else's money.

JudyCoolibar · 07/03/2020 18:00

If OP had spent £5 of the £40 would that be ok? Or £15, buying herself a different pizza and drink

Yup. OP is looking after friend's two children for up to around three hours a night for all of £2.50 a time - spending an extra £15 would still make it a good bargain.

Kittykat93 · 07/03/2020 18:00

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Toomuchtooyoung01 · 07/03/2020 18:00

Outrageous!!!! Even if it was a one off meal out i wouldnt dream of mentioning a £3 drink to my friend. But a friend who provides free childcare every week? What a dick.

Sneezer · 07/03/2020 18:04

OP, I'm desperate for an update. selfish Grin

MelAndShoe · 07/03/2020 18:06

Wtf

Bexyp45 · 07/03/2020 18:10

I would feel really upset by this. She trusts you to take care of her children, take them to a club she is unable to attend, pays you a token £10 a month and yet questions a £2.70 drink. I would give her the £2.70 back and never take her children to swim club again. In fact I wouldn't reply to texts or calls and certainly wouldn't talk to her if your paths cross. Saying nothing pretty much says it all. She has shown herself to be a Cheeky Fuck of the highest order.

Someonesayroadtrip · 07/03/2020 18:10

Any update OP?