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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get irritated by none payers that say they will pay?

55 replies

Franklymydearidontgiveadam · 06/03/2020 20:16

Long story short--friends and family members that have offered payment if I help them but never actually pay even though I helped out!

I got made redundant at Xmas too so money has been so tight.

Examples-

Close friend - "if you can take me to the airport (20 miles away) I'll cover you for petrol and a coffee". never paid, zero hot beverage.

Dsd, "can you add 2gb mobile data I'll transfer you the extra" - never transfered.

Sister "will you bake a cake for dd and ill give you the cash for the ingredients" - never happened despite the cost to make a 2tier cake.

Sick to absolute CF's knowing things are tighter etc. Yes I should say no but it's something I struggle with but why offer to pay if you genuinely don't want to?

Does anyone else experience this?

Thanks for letting me rant xx

OP posts:
applepineapple · 06/03/2020 20:17

Why don't you remind them? Don't agree to favours in the future until they have paid you for precious ones!

applepineapple · 06/03/2020 20:17

*previous

Hercwasonaroll · 06/03/2020 20:18

Remind them! Especially cake CF

FinallyHere · 06/03/2020 20:18

It's horrid, isn't it.

How would you feel about asking them to pay up front. So, if someone asks for a cake say that will be £x. Give me the cash if you would like me to able it, I'll need it by latest .

Shinycat · 06/03/2020 20:20

YANBU. I have had a bellyful of people in my life borrowing money (and various items) and then NEVER giving it back/returning the item(s.)

I stopped lending anyone ANYthing, around 5 years ago. I just say 'no I need it/can't let it go right now etc....'

Why people borrow stuff and don't give it back I don't know. I would never do that!

MadeForThis · 06/03/2020 20:20

Text and ask for the money. People sometimes forget. Others are cheeky fuckers until they are actually asked for the cash.

If they still don't pay never do them a favour again. "Hell No, you never paid me the last time"

LagunaBubbles · 06/03/2020 20:23

I'm not being funny but people are only like this if you let them. You ask for money up front for a start. And you ask and remind the people about the money they owe you!

Symbollove · 06/03/2020 20:28

I absolutely hate when people do this, it just makes me not want to do anything for them next time as I know them saying they will pay means nothing. And the thing is when you don't ask them for the money they said they will pay, they take that as you don't want the money and so will just say it for the sake of saying it.
If you make a issue about it, they will say you should've asked, but why would you need to ask, it's awks, they should keep to their word or not say it all. Op you need to just say no next time. I know how awkward it would be to ask for the money.

forrestgreen · 06/03/2020 20:31

But if you've never asked you never know.

"Hi df, I just remembered you said you'd pay petrol and a brew for that airport trip, can't believe we both forgot. But I could definitely do with it now. Please ping it over."

Don't accept people giving it you next time, won't happen!

"Oh no, please can you ping it straight in, it'll help towards a bill going out tomorrow "

WatchingFromTheWings · 06/03/2020 20:34

Money up front in future!

missmouse101 · 06/03/2020 20:38

NON payers you mean, not none? I don't know how anyone could say you're being unreasonable! That's awful behaviour and you need to just ask for the payment as soon as you've given the lift etc. What a bunch of cheeky buggers.

MaggieFS · 06/03/2020 20:42

Be open about calling in the IOUs and put a deadline on it. 'please can I have the £20 for xx by Monday'

And then never ever so anything without the money first again.

AmIbeingtoomean · 06/03/2020 20:43

Have you told them the cost? Petrol and cake ingredients arw unquantified unless you spell it out.

Original poster
Franklymydearidontgiveadam · 06/03/2020 20:59

I know but it's just the principle.
I hate chasing as it makes me feel awkward...
I'm going to have to learm start just saying no.

OP posts:
sonjadog · 06/03/2020 21:04

I think you have to swallow your pride at tell them you need the money. I had to do this a while back with my friends. It was a hard thing to say, but people understood and got an awful lot better at paying me back promptly for things!

Toogramtogiveadamn · 06/03/2020 21:34

So what did they say when you said have you got that money for the lift/cake etc?

Just message to remind them and if they still don’t do it just say no the next time because you can’t afford to be out of pocket doing people favours . Don’t be embarrassed, they should be embarrassed

Original poster
Franklymydearidontgiveadam · 07/03/2020 07:41

I know,

I'm going to have to message them today, they know I've not had a job for 3months and my next wage won't be for 3weeks.

OP posts:
lynzpynz · 07/03/2020 07:50

Its always harder to chase money after the event, but that's the situation youre in for these so unfortunately the only way to get it is to send reminders! CFs never care about upsetting or offending you, they rely on your embarrassment to pull them up to get away with it! So in return never care about offending them to bluntly chase.

Going forward remind yourself to be more forthright about doing anything without getting payment etc. up front, sure I'll happily do that for you - just transfer the cash and then I'll start on the cake etc.

Rockbird · 07/03/2020 07:52

It's worse when it's your business. DH is waiting for a couple of payments which are overdue and we have £10 to last till next week because of it. It's really shit.

I wouldn't do anything for anyone unless they paid upfront, business or favour. People suck!

KatherineJaneway · 07/03/2020 07:52

I hate chasing as it makes me feel awkward...

That's what they bank on.

pinkyredrose · 07/03/2020 07:55

You need to start practicing saying no. Also remember that we teach people how to treat us. They're in the wrong totally but they're treating you like a mug because you're acting like one.

GinDrinker00 · 07/03/2020 08:04

Just send them all a text saying: hi remember you said you’d pay me for driving/making a cake/extra data can you transfer that over today please as I need the money. If they don’t then simply say no to anything else they ask or remind them when they ask for something else you’re still owed money from last time.

Original poster
Franklymydearidontgiveadam · 07/03/2020 08:14

So basically people do it to us so they hope we forget, don't want to ask etc.

@rockbird that's awful. I'm so sorry. So inconsiderate when they know it's your lively hood. Dp has a business too and he often gets friends or even fam trying to dodge paying.

OP posts:
elessar · 07/03/2020 08:22

When they say this, do you specify an amount?

As in 'no problem, I've checked the mileage and it will cost about £10 - here's my bank details' or 'ingredients came to £20, cash or bank transfer is fine'?

Of course they should ask, but I'm just wondering if you don't follow up with a specific amount if they are assuming that you're not bothered about it?

Original poster
Franklymydearidontgiveadam · 07/03/2020 08:39

Well dsd said she'll transfer, never did and she knows how much an extra 2gb data is.

I've done an airport lift in Aug last year with same mate before around a similar time in the day, I handed her a 10r for petrol and got a Starbucks for her on the way

And I've told sis in person how much these cakes cost on average to make over the years she knows I'm a hobby Baker and only do it for family however I always ask for money towards ingredients.

OP posts: