To get irritated by none payers that say they will pay?

[Franklymydearidontgiveadam]

Long story short--friends and family members that have offered payment if I help them but never actually pay even though I helped out!

I got made redundant at Xmas too so money has been so tight.

Examples-

Close friend - "if you can take me to the airport (20 miles away) I'll cover you for petrol and a coffee". never paid, zero hot beverage.

Dsd, "can you add 2gb mobile data I'll transfer you the extra" - never transfered.

Sister "will you bake a cake for dd and ill give you the cash for the ingredients" - never happened despite the cost to make a 2tier cake.

Sick to absolute CF's knowing things are tighter etc. Yes I should say no but it's something I struggle with but why offer to pay if you genuinely don't want to?

Does anyone else experience this?

Thanks for letting me rant xx

Ever heard of 'give an inch and they'll take a mile OP? That's what CF do but you have to keep giving the inches. Get firmer. Text them all now and no more favours without money upfront.

YABU to not ask. Ask in advance. "Great idea, but I need to fill the car up so send me the money first"

With something like the cake (it didn't have bears on did it?!) she probably was waiting for you to tell her how much ingredients cost.

You are the common denominator here. If you can't speak up to your family and friends what hope have you in the outside world? Practice on them. Send three texts now "Hi CF, just going through my bills and realised that you never paid me XX for XXXX. Could you send that over now please as I'm a bit short. TTFN"

You need to get over your awkwardness and just remind them, or say no next time. It might be a bit weird if its months later, but if you just send a breezy text a few days after the event nobody would be offended. "Hi friend, I hope your daughter liked her cake. If you could send the £25 that we agreed on that would be great - my paypal is xxx". Not awkward at all.

No it doesn't happen to me because I don't let it,

Chase them up today and in future it's go to the petrol station first and put fuel in and friend pays. Make sure you tell them this. Cake is get money upfront for the ingredients. No ingredients then no cake.

When I stopped being a pushover, I lost friends. But they were never really friends in the first place.

No it was a princess cake haha. I told ss how much ingredients cost.

They all know. I've just been a mug yet again x

It doesn't sound like you've said to any of them 'well that cost £x for the ingredients/petrol/whatever' and you're expecting them to pay up without knowing your costs. Personally I think I would prob wait for confirmation from the person I was paying before I paid them. Apart from the dsd thing. If I buy something for my kids I don't usually chase the money back lol.

So you paid petrol money and in exactly the same situation they just ignored to pay you. In my experience it is not really the amount but the feeling of being taken for a mug. I agree with pp that you should specifically ask for it with a set time. I don't agree you need to justify why you are asking for it by saying you are short or others reasons.

Well I'll ask them today in a text

If someone asks for a favour, and it involves money, i either say no, or, 'well i'm going to need the money upfront as things are bit tight just now, sorry!' And it is absolutely fine to say that.

Yabu because you never asked them for it when they 'forgot'

Text:

Hi, really sorry for having to ask but as you know my circumstances are leaving me a little short of cash at the moment. Would you mind transferring the petrol/cake/data money over please? Account details are: XXXX Thank you

I don’t think you’ve been a mug, or that these people have done anything wrong, I think you just need to specify how much they should be paying.

You need to calculate petrol costs and then let the person know, it would vary from car to car.

How old is your step daughter? Is she young enough that her Dad would usually pay for things?

Send them a text with details of what they owe you & a note to the effect 'as you know, I'm really short of money right now , can you please transfer ASAP to (account number & sort code) , thank you'

It really doesn't matter now. I've text them, and we'll see.

I'm not interested in getting into politics, ages of people, duties of parental roles. It's now spiralling and before long, if I go into the dsd situation it will out me

but thanks for all the different views on it.

I'll leave it at that thank you.

Oh good step up with thectexts - please do pop back just to update us - no intimare details needed - can I suggest that you use each response to update your future favours list x

I’ve had this with a few people so what I do now in ANY instance like this is I will say, “no
problem, priced it up and to make the cake will be £20, when you’ve transferred the money I’ll go beg the ingredients.” Or “no problem ofcourse I don’t mind taking you to the airport, I’ve googled it and mileage means it’ll cost £15 in petrol, if you transfer it now I’ll fill up the car on my way round” if anyone says oh can I give it to you after literally just say, no sorry I’ve budgeted for the month and don’t have it.

A phrase I've used, when asked a favour, is "Oh the extra money would be useful" (I do a bit of fancy baking as a hobby, but ingredients don't come free) and if excuses are made about not being able to pay just yet, "Well I'm happy to help, just let me know when you can afford the ingredients."
When asked for a second favour (I used to be a bit more gullible/over-willing to please) "Ooh thank you for jogging my memory; can we settle up for that lift to the airport before we go any further?"
The reaction will tell you all you need to know; if they'd genuinely forgotten, fulsome apologies and a quick settling up. Sulky face and muttering - annoyance that another mug has shut up shop, and they now have the unbearable hassle of tracking down another sucker.

Definately ask up front, I also won't lend unless I am willing to lose that amount, as the stress of getting something paid back is not worth it to me, however I am very selective about who I "lend" to and I'm quite happy refusing

The fact that they’re offering to pay you to do the favour suggests they realise that it’s unreasonable to expect you to do it for free.

You need to stop worrying about being seen to be ‘nice’ and directly ask for payment. Honestly, once you’ve done it a few times, it will get easier to ask and you’ll feel much less stressed when asked to do something for a small fee.

Don’t make a big issue and go on about your financial circumstances. You just need to say something like;

“Please pay me the ££ you offered for doing Y for you. Cash is best but I can give you my account details if you’d prefer to transfer the money directly? Thanks.”

Op. I sympathise but you could have simply said, you'd need the cash first before proceeding. It's not a favour when they are meant to be paying. Period. You realised too late. If it were me, I'd be pushing for payment and reminding them every time but people know not to mess with me. I still have a great life and great relationships so it's done me no harm.

What responses did you get to your texts OP?

Dsd said "oh yeah I forgot."
Sis said "oh sorry I thought I sent it you"
No text back from airport buddy.

Now you have reminded them, have DSD and SiL actually paid up?

No not yet xx

Hi. Can you put it in my account today as I've got a bill going out tomorrow