To think slow cookers use a lot of electricity?

[maa1992]

Hi,

DH pays gas and electric (currently on meters waiting to be taken onto monthly pay) I'm on maternity leave.

I use my slow cooker 1-2 times per week (smallest slow cooker ever) and it makes plenty of food for me for the week and so handy with having a baby to look after.

DH doesn't like food from the slow cooker, due to his work schedule we usually have to eat tea at different times etc.

Today DH says it's costing too much and it's ridiculous and it's pointless, he thinks it's using all our electricity and costing him a fortune.

I'm struggling on my maternity pay, I still our mortgage and council tax though DH contributes some, my outgoings leave me with next to nothing.

I've been enjoying cooking, I then got upset because I don't do much else and I use hardly any electric and I'm mindful of it because I feel bad I can't contribute more.

Blah idk Im probably being unreasonable getting so upset but I didn't think they cost a lot to run and I feel like it was some stupid little thing I enjoyed and now I feel bad for even doing that.

Sorry for the moan, I'm emotional and extremely fed up of relying on him financially for the gas and electric and I just want to use my bloody slow cooker.

Now I'm sat upstairs fuming, while he plays his PlayStation that I'm sure uses just as much electricity

Ahhhh one of those days!!!

Why, when you were earning, were your contributions virtually the same?
He earns more than you!

You need to get this sorted out or it will only get much worse.

You'll be scrimping and he'll be spending what he likes

Electric costs will have gone up because you and baby are at home all day, lighting, heating, boiling the kettle etc. Nothing to do with slow cooking at all. It’s the only thing he pays for and he begrudges it so much you are trying to watch every penny spent on it, Does this sound a normal family set up to you?
Is he going to make you and baby sit in the dark til he comes home to save on the pence it costs?
He’s fixated on the slow cooker as a way to financially control you, because he knows you enjoy using it.
Your baby is not your hobby that you have to cover all the expenses for, having your baby was a joint decision, being honest they do cost money and this should be a shared family expense.
You cannot keep paying half the costs on a reduced income it’s not possible, or logical.
You need to get this sorted out otherwise if you go back to work you will end up paying all the bills you currently do plus childcare costs.
There is one thing in your house that is ridiculous, and it’s your DH not the slow cooker.

Good god, I’ve read it all now. What a horrible petty abusive little man. He’s only trying to stop you because you like it. You know that don’t you?

He's hard to cook for lol
So he can cook for himself.

he thinks it's using all our electricity and costing him a fortune.
costing him a fortune? You're meant to be a team.

TBH the slow cooker is the least of your worries.

If you have a DC together and you're on maternity leave then surely he should be covering more of the bills, no questions asked. If he isn't doing that and you're stressing about how much gas and electric you're using then that is just crazy and you need to have a conversation with him. You're doing the childcare. That is invaluable. Who quibbles with their partner over a bit of gas and electric? That's crazy.

He is financially abusing you.

Look into sorting childcare and getting back to work.

Sign up to do The Freedom Programme.

You don't have a slow cooker problem, you have a husband problem

This

OP, you are very upset and angry because YOU know that you are in a financially abusive relationship.

Your gut is screaming at you that he is selfish, difficult and a bit of a bully.

Please tell your mother what is going on.

You need to find the strength to stand up to him.

He does not sound like a good kind man.

How awful for him to bully you about literally pennies while you are minding his child.

What a prick.
Get support in real life from friends and family.

You are a victim of abuse.

He needs to be told you will no longer put up with it.
Let him know you have gone public.
Shame him.

He is a disgrace.

Unfortunately this would be a deal breaker.

He has shown you a very ugly side to him.

In your own interest....don't forget it.

Does he not like the slow cooker food ? We use ours a lot ,and I find it a godsend TBH. Can prep for the whole day and forget about it all in 6/8 hours ! Playstations use a lot more electric!

I'm struggling on my maternity pay, I still our mortgage and council tax though DH contributes some, my outgoings leave me with next to nothing.

do you not have pooled finances?

He does contribute and I couldn't financially function without his help, but I'm also aware he earns in a week, what I get in a month so I know it's not crippling him.

What

Sadly yet another financially abusive relationship, I really despair reading threads like this. This isn't about slow cookers either. What kind of decent human being would operate like this, ask yourself that, who would be happy to be much better off than their partner and watch them struggle, especially when they share a child? I don't get it.

I see financial abuse here, and coercive control.

Probably more with a few careful questions.

Did this behaviour start/escalate when you became pregnant?

He sounds like he has an issue with you not contributing the same money as you used to ,and is being horribly abusive to you .Your baby comes first not him! Why are some men like this ? Possibly jealous and immature by the sounds of it ! Tell him he needs to put more money in the pot otherwise you cant manage .He is being a no 1 arsehole ATM!

Oh and the food issues suggests HFA to me.
As does difficulty with routine change (using slow cooker).

Have you ever wondered if he's on the spectrum? What field does he work in?

That wouldn't be an excuse btw. If anything, IME it can make the situation more intractable.

And how can he not like ANY slow cooker food, when you can make everything from porridge to cakes and bread in one? It's not just casseroles and soups, does he know that?

Thanks for replies guys, we spoke in depth.

He says he genuinely never realised how upset I was or how much I'm struggling.

We've never really got involved with each other's finances (we split our mutual bills 50/50) he has a few more bills than me that he accumulated from poor money management with his ex partner. They are all coming to ahead now, he had been paying a lot more off so he could free up extra money - I wasn't aware to the full extent of how much he actually had to pay back.

We're opening a joint account for all bills, mortgage and will be left with an equal amount each to spend through the month.

He seems very remorseful and genuinely quite shocked at some of the stuff I brought up.

He is also aware he that he came across very controlling and I felt worthless. He is mortified, he sat with me to do a budget plan (I've been nagging to do this for ages) and we have three childminders to meet and will be splitting the cost.

He said his head has been in the clouds and he needed a good kick up the arse.

It was good to openly discuss our finances, I hadn't realised he had as many outgoings and he sure didn't realise how much I had cut down.

He says he genuinely never realised how upset I was or how much I'm struggling.

Hmmm.

he has a few more bills than me that he accumulated from poor money management with his ex partner.

Hmmm. 🤔

That's a good plan.

And I hope he feels bloody ashamed of himself.

But I'll be honest, you shouldn't have had to point this out to him. He should have known you are on restricted income.

And his attitude now doesn't excuse his resentment to you using a slow cooker.

Don't let this slide OP. Make sure he keeps to the deal and be ready to address it the second he shows any reluctance to support his family.

Indeed.

Well done OP for spelling it out to him.

Hang on to you nerve because you may well need it again.

I find it hard to believe he could be that obtuse.
Why would he want to make shitty comments to you?
To see what he could get away with?

We teach people how they can treat us.

He has shown you an ugly part of his personality.
Be ready for it next time OP.

Mind yourself and your baby.
Wishing you well.

I think I've overreacted slightly because of bigger issues over hating relying on someone else. I'm also just peeved that I use a slow cooker, it's not as though I'm going out spending valuable money on things I shouldn't be, but I blew up and look like a crazy person

Your (miserly) old man has made you feel like shit for feeding (and enjoying) yourself, you have hardly overreacted ffs! And I find it quite worrying that you think that

Hope it sorts itself out. Nothing like talking to each other about your problems rather than just assuming the worst (default MN practice)

@PicsInRed we're talking about it, it's a start. I can go from here knowing I've aired my concerns. If changes aren't made after this then I'll know exactly where I stand

@BigFatLiar we needed a good talk tbh! Feels a lot better, less tension and we seem to be on the same wave length

Why why why is this such a recurring theme?

It's his baby, too, right?