To think slow cookers use a lot of electricity?

[maa1992]

Hi,

DH pays gas and electric (currently on meters waiting to be taken onto monthly pay) I'm on maternity leave.

I use my slow cooker 1-2 times per week (smallest slow cooker ever) and it makes plenty of food for me for the week and so handy with having a baby to look after.

DH doesn't like food from the slow cooker, due to his work schedule we usually have to eat tea at different times etc.

Today DH says it's costing too much and it's ridiculous and it's pointless, he thinks it's using all our electricity and costing him a fortune.

I'm struggling on my maternity pay, I still our mortgage and council tax though DH contributes some, my outgoings leave me with next to nothing.

I've been enjoying cooking, I then got upset because I don't do much else and I use hardly any electric and I'm mindful of it because I feel bad I can't contribute more.

Blah idk Im probably being unreasonable getting so upset but I didn't think they cost a lot to run and I feel like it was some stupid little thing I enjoyed and now I feel bad for even doing that.

Sorry for the moan, I'm emotional and extremely fed up of relying on him financially for the gas and electric and I just want to use my bloody slow cooker.

Now I'm sat upstairs fuming, while he plays his PlayStation that I'm sure uses just as much electricity

Ahhhh one of those days!!!

@Sn0tnose this is why I feel so upset!! But I'm too emotional to talk to him about it now because I look unreasonable because I can't properly put my point across, he's selfish

I think I've overreacted slightly because of bigger issues over hating relying on someone else

I think you've underreacted. I had two maternity leaves in quick succession and not once did I feel, nor did my DH make me feel, as though I was relying on him. All money (maternity pay, child benefit, his pay) went into one pot and all bills and equal spends came out of it.

What was he like with money before you went on maternity leave?

You shouldn't be struggling. You're meant to be a family, mum dad and children. Who pays what should be a matter of convenience. I get that people like to have their money to spend but really the priority is that the family has money to pay for their life together, individual money comes after family costs. (Mum and dad's allowances I found came last after treats for he kids and even the pets).

Your OH needs to focus on his family's comfort.

Or does he mean that it’s ridiculous and pointless because it’s not him who benefits from it?

That was my first thought! Whereas playing on the PlayStation is essential to him, so nothing to complain about there.

This isn't about the slow cooker. You are struggling to get by while so called husband earns 4 or 5 x your maternity pay and he begrudges you using 'his' electricity.

21p to power eight hours of cooking – that's less that 1p per hour

MAFFS 😆

Sounds like he just doesn't like the slow cooker food so he's staging a protest to make it about something else. He could be trying to punish you as well because you are 'costing him a fortune' and he resents the change in the family dynamic. Eg. the baby getting a lot of attention.
Why are you 'relying on him' for the gas and electricity?
Do you not have a joint account that each of you put some of your pay into, and then all the household bills come out of that?
A percentage of both person's pay goes into it. It's soul destroying having to run to him like asking Dad can you have a tenner for the school disco.

the 21p was for a 3.5kw cooker, op's appears to be much small. But yes, that is the lkeast of her issues.

@MsVestibule we've always kept separate bank accounts and we split everything, one paid x amount of bills and the other paid the mortgage and it all equalled the same amount.

We never had any financial issues over the 4 years before DS was born.

I just wasn't expecting to feel so bad for being on less money, I'm not high maintenance so these little comments here and there have started to build up to the point where the slow cooker comment made me flip!!

He's wrong about a few things, but won't listen to reason.

My DM is babysitting DS tomorrow so I can have a serious talk about stuff, because at the minute I feel uncomfortable in my own life and home

Tell him you need a joint account where everything goes in and out so that it’s a joint family income.

Separate accounts doesn’t work when you are on maternity leave.

I would send him this thread.

My husband went through a stage of telling me that using the washing machine is very expensive. However we do need clean clothes

Stop whining wumman and get yourself down to the nearest river and bash your clothes off a few flat stones life a proper wife!

.

@RedRed9 I think I will, he'd be mortified lol

If i was you id be putting the slow cooker in back of cupboard and start using oven and taking 5 showers a day, thatl teach the miserable gitgrin and why are you paying anything when you are only getting maternity pay...honestly..does he squeak when he walks?

I second all of this - and if you are one of this women who doesn't normally put the oven on to warm up, and just bings stuff in (like me) then I would start warming it up, too. It can take a surprisingly long time to come up to even a fairly modest temperature, and it's eating Mr Scrooge's precious electric every single second . . .

Have you got one of those thingies that tell you how much your appliances are gobbling when they are in use? If not, get one and let him see how his beloved playstation and TV are putting you in the poorhouse.

I agree with Seaweed, I think because he's not benefitting he's making an issue.
I'm on maternity now but still getting full pay, when this drops to the smp, me and my bf have agreed and accepted that he will be having to pay the majority of bills and we will both need to make cuts. It sounds to me like you've already started doing this and your DH hasn't come to terms that cuts need to be made. Also, you're at home more, so your bills may increase a bit more, it's just a given and can't be helped.
You definitely shouldn't feel guilty at all for not being able to contribute more.
Also regarding slow cooker, I don't understand there's nothing he can eat from it? Curry, stews, pastas, chilli, meats, surely he can eat any of them and reheat it later?

I also think he should be contributing proportionately to the household. ie he earns 4x as much, then he contributes 4x as much as you do.

If he earns 4x what you earn then he needs to be putting more in the “pot”. It’s not fair that you’re struggling whilst he’s financially fine.

@Ticklemelmo honestly I've tried all kinds he's so fussy!! He eats a lot of processed chicken burgers, chips etc. He hates stew, he did enjoy my slow cooker chilli but each time I've suggested it he's not been in the mood for it. He's incredibly fussy, won't eat any fish or meat other than chicken (sometimes beef mince if it's a chilli). He's hard to cook for lol

Is he paying you for his half of the childcare you are providing?

@maa1992 don’t send him this thread. He’ll be able to read all your other posts and threads by looking up your username.

Your husband is financially abusing you. He’s deliberately delaying getting a childminder because he may want you trapped. Or at least he may want to control you and the finances. Tell him the two of you need to pool money immediately in order to get back on an even keel.

I’d also cut your maternity leave short and return to work. I have a feeling he’ll only vaguely respect you if you’re bringing in income. Even if that’s not true, at least you’ll have a job to support yourself in case you need to leave him. A lot of abuse starts either when a woman is pregnant or after birth of a child. Don’t let yourself become trapped.

The way your organise your finances is the problem here.

He earns 4x what you do, so he needs to contribute 4x as much money to the family pot. And that should cover everything - mortgage, council tax, bills, food and ALL child-related costs. Why should you be left to struggle while he "contributes"?

DH far out-earns me and we split the bills proportionately. He would never leave me to struggle while lived the life of Riley. Isn't the point of being married that you have the support of your partner when you're earning is limited for whatever reason?

@maa1992 stop focusing on the slow cooker. This isn’t about the slow cooker or him being a supposed fussy eater. Those are symptoms, not the illness.

Don't send him the thread - just tell him to Fucking Google It.

Any man who throws around shit like this without even the facts at his fingertips is a Grade A Cunt anyway.

You could surprise him by saying 'do you feel that I give the baby more attention that you sometimes'. And then see that that hits home in a way that surprises him.
It's usually about that. It's the jealous sibling not wanting to share his sweets anymore with his sister (you), because she went out and played with other people (the new baby) and didn't include him.
When a baby moves into a family, there is a re-ordering of the roles. Family dynamics that people carry from their own childhood will then re-surface in a way that didn't happen when it was just two adults sharing a house. You will get parental stuff and you will get sibling rivalry resurfacing. This is why things change after a baby. Some adult are more flexible to changes than others.

When I say Google It I mean the power usage of a slow cooker obvs, not this thread!