Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think slow cookers use a lot of electricity?

101 replies

maa1992 · 06/03/2020 09:33

Hi,

DH pays gas and electric (currently on meters waiting to be taken onto monthly pay) I'm on maternity leave.

I use my slow cooker 1-2 times per week (smallest slow cooker ever) and it makes plenty of food for me for the week and so handy with having a baby to look after.

DH doesn't like food from the slow cooker, due to his work schedule we usually have to eat tea at different times etc.

Today DH says it's costing too much and it's ridiculous and it's pointless, he thinks it's using all our electricity and costing him a fortune.

I'm struggling on my maternity pay, I still our mortgage and council tax though DH contributes some, my outgoings leave me with next to nothing.

I've been enjoying cooking, I then got upset because I don't do much else and I use hardly any electric and I'm mindful of it because I feel bad I can't contribute more.

Blah idk Im probably being unreasonable getting so upset but I didn't think they cost a lot to run and I feel like it was some stupid little thing I enjoyed and now I feel bad for even doing that.

Sorry for the moan, I'm emotional and extremely fed up of relying on him financially for the gas and electric and I just want to use my bloody slow cooker.

Now I'm sat upstairs fuming, while he plays his PlayStation that I'm sure uses just as much electricity Hmm

Ahhhh one of those days!!!

OP posts:
Michaelbaubles · 06/03/2020 10:26

You say you’re not high maintenance- well maybe you should start being! You’re the mother of his child, you’re not working because of the child, he bloody well should be maintaining you and he should be proud of doing it. What man is he that expects you to live on air, to pay for things with no income, so scrimp and save while he lives it up? Don’t be proud of demanding little, stop trying to take up no space, you’re important, you’re everything to your child, get what you deserve.

TooTrueToBeGood · 06/03/2020 10:29

I made my mind up when I got to this bit in your OP:

he thinks it's using all our electricity and costing him a fortune.

Costing HIM a fortune? You are meant to be a unit, a partnership. You are on maternity leave, not because you have a baby but because you both have a baby. The money he earns is not HIS money, it is family money. If he sees it any other way then you have a serious problem on your hands and if you don't nip it in the bud right now it will only get worse.

This is not about his ignorance about how much different appliances cost to run. It is about his attitude to finances and relationships.

Devlesko · 06/03/2020 10:30

It's advertised as using as much as a light bulb.
Even I know that and we don't have one Grin

Why isn't he paying the bills? Your financial set up is all kinds of wrong. You really can't have his and her money when married with a family, it's all family money, you should be able to take what you want not wait for a handout.
Glad he's yours Grin I couldn't have lived with such a skin flint.

AnotherMurkyDay · 06/03/2020 10:33

Does he begrudge you using HIS electric to boil the kettle for the babies bottles or to run the washing machine for the babies clothes, or is it just you who's meant to be watching every penny?

AndwhenyougetthereFoffsomemore · 06/03/2020 10:35

So, wait: despite the fact that your income has taken a massive hit, you're still paying for as much as you always had. And he's complaining about the element that goes towards his bills? And earns 4 x what you do, but keeps you short having promised to give you more spending money? I think you need to have a chat about how you manage your finances. Different things work for different families, but at the moment this is all in is favour financially, and leaving you having to feel like you have to go begging for 'his' money, whilst providing free childcare, cleaning and cooking services!

Trees2905 · 06/03/2020 10:35

I earn 4 times as much as my DP. Since we had children we split everything equally, so all money in family pot and same spends left over. It makes me feel sick that in so many couples the woman pays for all baby stuff and bloke sends a little bit of cash her way. The child is half each of you - all income goes in family pot! You’ve chosen to be a family! Anything less is disgusting.

WhateverHappenedToBathPearls · 06/03/2020 10:36

Yep agree with pp you have 2 issues:

He may well not like slow cooked food. Plenty of people don't - there are threads full of them on MN. If you can't eat together then I don't see why he is policing what you eat though? What does he have for dinner? How often do you get to eat together?

The bigger issue is you need to get a joint account to pay bills out of. While you are on mat pay your DH should be making most if not all the contributions to keep the account topped up. It should be at least proportional to the money you are each bringing in. You don't need to contribute more financially, because you are off work to raise your child.

2020newme · 06/03/2020 10:38

This needs sorting out sharpish. You are being financially abused here.

Joint account or you pay proportionally to your income. If you are earning 25% of what he does, then he pays 75% of the mortgage and you pay 25% etc. You should also have the same amount of "spending money" available each month too.

Good luck Flowers

Toria70 · 06/03/2020 10:39

Start eating your main meal of the day at lunchtime, and feed him sandwiches for tea.

Nothing less attractive than a miser.

It's often when you're vulnerable that men shown their true colours. This could be the tip of the iceberg if you don't tell him now to pack it in and you'll cost him far more divorced, don't allow him to make you feel bad for raising his child ..... be wary Flowers

Becles · 06/03/2020 10:42

If he won't set a time to meet childminders, you need to get on with it on your own.

Don't get trapped because you've left it too late or went part time with someone who won't see his role as an equal parent.

Get a childminder in place now. Even though you should be paying in proportion of earnings, if he won't do that at least make him pay exactly 50% of those costs; and tot up baby nappy, clothing and food costs each month so you can ask for 50% or deduct that from the payments you make each month.

Seriously this is how financial abuse starts and you need to take steps to safeguard your future emotional wellbeing.

CaMePlaitPas · 06/03/2020 10:43

You don't have a slow cooker problem, you have a husband problem.

A grown man who's incredibly fussy foodwise and plays on his playstation? You've got to be kidding me.

I'd be out. Even with a teething five month old.

ZaZathecat · 06/03/2020 10:44

I struggle to understand a marriage where one partner is poor and the other managing just fine. You a a family and whatever income comes in is for the family. OK he'd maybe have a point of there was no baby you you just refused to work, but you do have a baby, which both of you wanted.

MereDintofPandiculation · 06/03/2020 10:49

It's advertised as using as much as a light bulb. Even I know that and we don't have one To be fair, I think they're referring to a 100w incandescent bulb, not a LED.

But even so, slow cookers on the lower heat that you use for the bulk of the cooking use less than 100w. A unit of electricity is 1 kilowatt (1000 watts) for 1 hour. So 100w for 1hour is 1/10 unit per hour, or 1 unit in 10 hours It's easy to find out what any appliance is costing you - somewhere on it it will have a label giving the number of watts, so you can easily work out how many units an hour it's using.

Devlesko · 06/03/2020 10:50

You need to show him this thread, and wtf is he playing on a games console when you have baby. He sounds no older than a toddler himself.
Sort out a childminder if he doesn't like it he should have stepped up.
You are in charge, you are your babies mother, get a joint account and share what's left equally. No way should he have more money than you, I don't know any decent man who would tbh.

HoppingPavlova · 06/03/2020 10:55

Today DH says it's costing too much and it's ridiculous and it's pointless, he thinks it's using all our electricity and costing him a fortune.

Tell him he is an idiot AND to fuck off. Problem solved.

Quartz2208 · 06/03/2020 11:00

Your financial situation needs to be resolved - he isnt contributing to help you he is contributing to his family

Plus slow cookers use a lot less electricity than a playstation

SpillTheTea · 06/03/2020 11:04

You're still paying half of the bills on maternity pay, have no money and he's moaning about you using a slow cooker? He's an absolute twat who has no idea what he's on about.

FFSFFSFFS · 06/03/2020 11:04

Have you told him its costing you a fortune to look after his child?

Thinkingabout1t · 06/03/2020 11:06

OP, he has to be aware that life changes when you have a child. He agreed to IVF so he can't pretend you've sprung this on him.

You shouldn't be struggling to pay bills while you're looking after a baby! Most couples I know have a joint account for all household expenses, with the higher earner putting in most, and a SAHP puts in little or nothing as their FT job is childcare. It's the only way of doing things fairly.

Others have pointed out that your husband uses a lot more electricity for his toys than you use for feeding the family.

CatherineTheNotSoGreat · 06/03/2020 11:14

I'd be tempted to get really thick and present him with a childcare bill.

Your original pay - mat pay ÷ 2 = his share of childcare per month.
Multiplied by your child's age in months.
If I really wanted to be stubborn I would minus the 21p x 2 (uses per week).
Of course I know this is a far too cheap childcare payment but it is some kind of measure.
He's being a tight git and I'd be furious.

okiedokieme · 06/03/2020 11:16

What makes me cross is why men seem to think there's his and hers money after kids - surely it's family money, nobody should have to ask for housekeeping in this day and age .... joint account is the way to go for household expenses then if you prefer a set amount of spending money goes to each of you for individual items like clothes, leisure etc. I am getting divorced and we still have a joint account for the house and kids! People (well men) can be so weird with money

TreestumpsAndTrampolines · 06/03/2020 11:17

OP you have bigger problems than the slow cooker.

In this circumstance, I would show this to him by adding up the childcare hours you provide, dividing it in two and presenting him with a bill at the childminder's rates, for his half of the childcare you're providing.

it's win-win - either he'll start doing some childcare, or he'll give you more money, or he'll start actually looking into the childminder in preparation.

I mean though, it's going to be a drag with him no matter what if this is his attitude.

GreyishDays · 06/03/2020 11:17

So if you are looking at childcare, are you aiming to go back to work? This sounds like a good idea.

I think you should be planning to be self sufficient, if he isn’t going to contribute properly.

mumwon · 06/03/2020 11:20

don't cook for him, or provide him food, or wash his clothes or provide (ahem) & don't tell him your doing this
send him a bill for:
carry his dc for 9mths
childcare
(breast feeding?)
any cost for baby (you could charge half for this if your feeling kind)

I think we are going backward this kind of attitude & control sounds Victorian

Zaphodsotherhead · 06/03/2020 11:21

Nothing less attractive than a miser

A fussy, picky eater who only really likes junk food runs it a close second though.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread