to not see the point in getting married?

[MasterMargarita]

The situation is that we are financially independent from each other, will not be having any children (actually unable), are not home owners and most likely never will be, no savings, basically nothing to divide in the event of separation. Both late 30s with a child each from previous relationship, both work FT with approx equal salaries.

Am I right in thinking that marriage will not be benefiting either of us under these circumstances? Very happy to be told otherwise.

For context, my DP has very romantic view of marriage and wants to be married whilst I see it as nothing more than a legally binding contract to share assets which is unnecessary in our case, in my opinion.

Go for a civil partnership?

Marriage (or CP) is beneficial if either of you is ill, but also in the case of death.

You can each inherit a pension from the other, if you have joint property, not a house but maybe a car, or something worth a few £K.

What if one of you won the lottery? Or inherited some money?

A great friend of mine lived happily with her partner for 20 years. Didn't get married as they didn't see the point.
He was involved in a car crash and in hospital in a coma - his next of kin were his parents who took over, basically, and when he died, didn't consult her about anything, funeral, service, headstone, nothing. She was devastated, as if their relationship had counted for nothing. But that was the legal position and unfortunately his parents chose to leave her out of it as she was - legally - just someone who was living in the same house as him.

@sashh there is potential for inheritance sometime down the line, on my DP's side. I wouldn't want to claim any rights to that.

You do have to document next of kin well before either of you is ill, or has an accident. If you have an accident and end up in ITU and can't speak, for example, the hospital will deal with the legal NOK as the default, unless there is something in writing nominating someone else.

That can also go very wrong if there is any question of switching off life support.

Things change...one of your current/future employers could have life assurance for employees that only cover spouses, for example. Bereavement grants/welfare payments eg if one of you were to get ill or worse.

If you want to be with your partner for life, I don't see why you wouldn't make it a legal contract.

Who would bring up your children if anything happened to one of you?

English law doesn't contain anything about "next of kin" for medical care, married or not. There's no such thing and it confers no powers.

If that particular issue concerns you then you could make health and welfare Lasting Power of Attorneys to each appoint the other to make decisions about medical care in the event you can't.

Cross posted with Tighnabruaich .
I am so sorry to read that, it isn't uncommon.

@Tighnabruaich sounds terrible! I certainly wouldn't want to be in this position.

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/living-together-marriage-and-civil-partnership/living-together-and-marriage-legal-differences/

I’d be more wary of getting married if you both have children. I’m not saying I wouldn’t do it but I’d get a will drawn up straight away after following a consultation with a good solicitor regarding what will be left to both children.

That case fairly recently where a married couple were found dead having both left everything to each other and then on to their individual children is in my head, so the child of the one who died first got nothing. In that case a judge had to decide who died first.

If I had existing children protecting them financially would be the most important thing.

If you don't want to get married, making wills and POAs would be a sensible thing to do.
I am married, but we have made wills and registered POA so that our DC will have as little to deal with once we become incapacitated/die. It is about making things as uncomplicated as possible for those left behind if anything happens.

Who would bring up your children if anything happened to one of you?

They would go to their respective other parents I imagine. I must admit I am not very clued up on this particular matter. Both other parents are around albeit not very nice people from where my DP and I are standing. In the ideal world if something happened to my DP I'd be more that happy to raise his child but the other biological parent would not willingly agree to that I don't think. Same with my child and my child's other bio parent.

If you make a will, you can nominate a guardian.

@endofthelinefinally so in my will I could insist my child stays with DP in the event of my death even though the other bio parent has full parental responsibility?

There is no such thing as Next of Kin in English Law so please ignore all the posters who are telling you that there is.

I think personally that life is a bit easier if you are married .If God forbid ,you or DP became ill ,you would have no rights over his care or vice versa. If either of you died (again God forbid!) then you would have no rights over his assets (which would probably include half of your home)! This aside if he wants to marry you ,thats nice surely ? Most posts on here are about wanting to marry DP but him not keen !

If you are not married then you need to see a solicitor and get wills and legal agreements drawn up so that if anything should happen you have documented your wishes. I am married but still have a will as i own half of my mother’s house, in the event of my death that half will revert to my brother if he outlives me and DH knows and us happy with this. Everything else is DH’s if my clogs pop and vice versa. It means any money, property, funeral decisions, medical care if not cognitive go to the other partner. If we split we get half of everything each which is fair.

This is depressing

@MasterMargarita
I don't know, but I would definitely take legal advice on it.

@EmmaGrundyForPM thank you for pointing that out, I guessed by Next of Kin PPs were actually meaning being able to make legal decisions in bad situations

@tallah what makes you say it's depressing?

Maybe there isn't anything in English law re next of kin, but in practical terms, especially in hospitals, that seems to be the way things are managed.
It certainly seems to be a legal status if someone dies intestate.
I have heard and experienced so many awful stories.
My own mother was not considered next of kin to her own father. He didn't update his will when he remarried his 2nd (gold digger) wife late in life. Wife got everything when he died suddenly, all his assets, pension, family home, all my grandmother's personal effects and property.

It's not a good point about next of kin, that's not really a concept in English law. You could also get power of attorney for each other whether married or not.

Honestly this is a question you would be best discussing with a solicitor. There are aspects of marriage or CP you can't get without entering into one of them. They're relevant and beneficial for some people, not others. It also sounds like you don't have wills either, so make an appointment to discuss your affairs.

You can't decide your partner is having your child if you die and your ex with PR just has to accept it. That's not in your gift. You can state your wishes, but ex would have every right to make an application to the court.

It certainly seems to be a legal status if someone dies intestate.

Yes, it makes a difference there and is very relevant. This is one of the difficult things about marriage and cohabitation, the significance varies depending on what aspect of life we're talking about. Odds are that a cohabiting and a married partner will be treated the same by medical staff these days, they will be by the benefits system too but they most certainly won't under the intestacy provisions. To take three examples.

Next of kin is not a legal concept. Dying intestate is another thing entirely.

Here are my experiences as next of kin. No one batted an eyelid when I made medical decisions on my partners behalf in hospital. I was accepted absolutely as capable based purely on my word that I was his partner. I could have said wife if I wanted, I doubt they’d have asked to see a marriage certificate.

No one batted an eyelid when I made medical decisions on my mother’s behalf in hospital. Even though she was married. All it took was to explain they were estranged and I was the daughter. End of conversation.

No one was bothered when I stepped up to administrate a death of a grandparent intestate. Even though I was not an executor (obviously, as no will) and there was a child rather than grandchild living. I was able to close bank accounts, remove funds, access property, arrange funeral, deal with personal effects and all of the usual. No problem with just explaining I was the granddaughter and providing death certificate.

At no time did anyone challenge my ability or relevance, nor did anyone ask me to prove who i was. I think the next of kin argument/perception is a really strange one. Honestly, in my experience medical staff/organisations/banks/etc are just happy someone is sorting it out.

Do NOT get married. I say that as a divorced woman. Marriage was the worst mistake I ever made.

I was the higher earner in our relationship - also a mum and I honestly can say I contributed a huge amount more both financially and at home. On splitting he got 55% of joint assets. If I had not been married I would have kept all my savings and my pension - although I would have still lost out by the amount he subsidised me.

My children will actually lost out and get less as he has taken it.

If you want to leave money to someone when you die write a will. Unfortunately that would be subject to inheritance tax whereas there is none between married partners. This is where the state favours marriage - it doesn’t make it the right choice, though.

Romantics may think they are in love and it will last forever but this is a legal contract and a particularly bad one for working women.