To think hanging around with self-proclaimed introverts isn’t great for your self-esteem sometimes

[UpsideRoundDown]

Firstly, I don’t think I’d describe myself as introvert or extrovert as I have tendencies towards both. Whilst I hate anything like performing or being the focus of attention, I also do get lonely without company after a bit and I enjoy social chit-chat. I’m happy in my own company, but like to get out too. That one at school who was never ‘popular’, bit always had a little group of friends.

I have a few friends/ parents of kids’ friends who identify as introverts, and they can make you feel a bit small at times. Like if you post on social media light-heartedly they might make a small dig or comment about people who do. They’ll share, in your company, about how they love alone time so you wonder if it’s a hint. They’re pretty quick to cancel things for no reason, leaving your kids let down. In general they can be quite superior towards ‘loud’ people, I do find it easier with the friends from similar backgrounds as I can do a loud laugh or get excited without judgement. They do things like post on Facebook after a day out how good it is to be finally alone with a cuppa. They tend to have very close friends, lots of family and actually have no problems wit company. They tend to ignore text messages too (I really rarely message, and certainly not for a chat, more like ‘X left their bag at yours, could we collect later if you’re in’. I’ve learnt not to be chatty)

I’m not lumping them in with friends with MH histories that affect their interaction, just to be clear. They don’t tend to get superior or talk about things like being on social media too much, being loud etc. I’m talking about confident introverts, who state they are and pick and choose interaction.

Aibu to move on from some of the kids friendships because I can’t deal with the introvert rules? I feel like it’s always on their terms...

Your 'friends' are not introverts. They're just obnoxious. Dump them.

I mean, I would call myself fairly introverted but I wouldn’t do any of those things. Well, maybe I’m a bit tardy responding to group chats sometimes, but that’s about it.

Maybe these people are just not very nice?

They aren't doing that because they are introverts. They are doing it because they are knobs.

Making small digs at you - not ok
Saying they love alone time - perfectly ok

I'm an introvert, and it sounds like you may need new friends but also you are guilty of judging them as much as you think they are you

Yanbu I'm an introvert I do not behave in a way that makes people feel small. But I also do not have close friendships with loud people as loud laughing and behaviour tends to make me feel uncomfortable. That's my issues not theirs, I suspect extroverts find me boring.

I rather doubt that these people are actual introverts. Rather they are the sorts that think claiming to be something different makes them special. It’s basically “look at meeeee” in adult form.

Even if they are actual introverts, it doesn’t give them the right to be rude and critical of you.

It would appear you are confusing introverts with dickheads.

I'm baffled that you have a whole group of such people in your network of 'friends'

I'm very introverted but I absolutely hate the whole "introverts are so special and superior" thing. I've seen people basically posting about how much it costs thrn their energy to socialise and therefore what a precious gift it is. Get over yourselves ffs.

They sound like bad friends.

Whilst I hate anything like performing or being the focus of attention
This has nothing to do with extrovert/introvert.

I'm outgoing and could often be described as loud, but get 'peopled out' very very easily. I do have lifelong MH issues though, and have been struggling with seasonal depression for the past few months - I have zero spare energy, it all goes on work, study and the kids.

I'm also shit with group chats, as I find constant babble and always being contactable too much sometimes. I'll always respond to a friend who needs help or comfort though.

Being 'introverted' seems to be a trend at the moment, and yes, some people use it as an excuse to be rude.

Exactly what 31BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz said

Nope, they're just not very nice people! I love my alone time, but I also love my friends, and would never put them down for being extrovert. I also wouldn't bail last minute unless it was a true emergency. These are not friends, OP.

I think the underlying issue is people being arses on SM.

I love getting home from a big day out to a cup of tea and some peace and quiet (but then, who doesn’t?). The idea of posting that as a piece of news on Facebook is just beyond me. This is hugely attention seeking behaviour.

I would drop that lot and reduce your exposure to SM.

I am a massive introvert by the way. And I would not tolerate that tedious crap.

YANBU. I am an introvert and I try SO HARD to function normally a a civil human being in social situations. It's really important to me. Yes, I prefer my own time and space, but I also don't want to be isolated for the rest of my life, so I have to "play the game".

Those stupid memes about "hating people" and gravitating towards the pets at a party are frankly cringeworthy.

They’re not introverts they’re just bad friends. I’m an introvert but I don’t cancel at short notice, ignore texts or make my friends feel their company is unwelcome.

My best friend is an introvert, but she’s nothing like your “friends”. Yes, she’s slow to respond to emails / texts - but neither is she on any social media at all. She needs the time out.

For me (extrovert) I just make sure I have plenty other people to hang out with when she retreats for a bit.

Honestly? Bin the social media and spend real life time with people who value your company.

Tbf hanging around with ‘self proclaimed’ anything is tedious. You don’t have to loudly tell everyone your personality type and likes and dislikes. You can just ‘be’ instead.

Introversion really isn’t about doing those things. It means that you are fueled up by your interior world rather than by being with people. It doesn’t mean being quiet or loud. You can have quiet extroverts.

They’re not introverts they’re just rude.

Desperately trying to find something interesting about themselves they’ve plumped for this.
Makes a change from cleaning I guess.

Between myself and DH/DC I’m realising just how many blurred lines there are between the classic introvert and extrovert labels. It doesn’t matter what these people are, they don’t sound very nice and spending time with people who you can’t be yourself with is damaging to your mental health. Find ‘your people’ and move on.

Oh, it’s more of a mixed bag response than I expected.

Yes, I know 3 people like this. Posting introvert meme types.

I know performing isn’t so much an extrovert trait, I just am struggling to explain how I don’t feel I fit either label. All five of my children are a mix too. I relate to being peopled out, plan days at home... yet I can be very social. Hard to describe.

I do try to stay off SM a lot; it’s more over time you notice and as part of the whole picture. Rather than forming an experience solely through SM. Actually SM bothers me little, it’s the face to face stuff that is actually really awkward. Like literally stopping mid conversation, in one they’ve initiated, and looking over your shoulder!

It does feel like an act tbh, about being special. Maybe I shouldn’t link it to true introverts, but more to the fashion of being special/ different and the ways people express it

Abraid- I would honestly say I find fuel/ pleasure/ reason for being both internally and externally. To use an analogy, like a steam engine would not work without both water and coal. Without one it wouldn’t function. I can’t relate to the idea of being extrovert or being introvert, through through phases of my life I have swing more towards one than the other.

I was talking about this the other day, with one of my 20 something DDs, and we had both noticed a sort of fetishing of introvert behaviour amongst her age group on social media. Not amongst her friends but on things like Instagram She has some MH issues and is very shy but doesn't relate to the sort of memes that are posted - ones that make positive or sociable behaviours seem morally 'lesser'.

I'll try and find and example.

I think your friends are enjoy feeling special about themselves. That’s what it is about, not being introvert or extrovert. I would spend time with people less self-involved if I were you.

I think this is a good explanation of introverts.

I don't think your friends behavior is anything to do with being an introvert - being rude would be better description and yes I think focuisng on others would probably be good idea.