I can't park

[Jocasta2018]

I'm not entirely sure if this is in the correct section but I hope it gets some attention. I'm using the App so hopefully the voting won't come on.
I can't park. Not 'oh I'm crap at parking ha ha' but I can't park. When I did my test 30 years ago at 17, I had to learn how to reverse around a corner as part of the test and that was it. I passed first time and my lessons ended. It didn't even occur to anyone that I should learn how to park.
I lived rurally, people had big drives, there were fewer cars on the road. It was was easy to drive into a space as cars were smaller & spaces were bigger.
6 months after my test, I moved to London. I was there for 12 years and didn't need to drive once! Illness then meant I surrendered my licence to the DVLA due to certain medications. I now have my licence back and am driving again but I'm finding it difficult.
I don't drink so am often the designated driver. When we get to a place, I'll swap with friends who then park the car. If I'm on my own, I admit that I've driven up to a place and left if I can't find a space I can get into.
My friends thinks it's hilarious. Some of them learnt to drive a few years after me when you had to park as part of the test and refuse to believe that I only had to reverse around a corner. Others can't believe I learnt to drive but didn't learn how to park.
It's now a big deal. I'm 48 and I'm not even sure I'm of an age when I can learn it even with lessons. After all, you can't teach an old dog new tricks. I've tried YouTube videos but I find them really confusing.
Has anyone reached this age and learnt how to park?
I'm sorry to burble on but I had to get someone to park last night and it was as embarrassing as usual.

Two of my friends can’t park - and they both had to do it when they sat their tests!!! They just didn’t like doing that, preferring to drive into spaces rather than reverse park, snd would drive around until they found a suitable one rather than take a reverse park one outside the venue we were going to, and because they didn’t practice they lost the skill to do it.

So you are not alone. The driving lesson will sort you out.

You could also get an update on other things in the driving lesson too, as not driving for many years you may have lost your confidence in other things? Night driving, motorway driving, rural, urban, parking, towing - if any of that is something you would like to practice in the safety of the driving instructors car go for it. Driving can be a joy when you are confident.

PS A small car is great to fit in small spaces. Large cars not so much. I enjoy my small car more than my larger previous cars.

I live in a area where there is a quite a lot of 1hour only kerbside parking outside shops. Approaching a parade of shops from a distance I could see a driver repeatedly fail to get into a reasonable size space. (In a layby so not having to deal with other cars trying to drive past). By the time I crossed over to walk past, I could see the driver was a young (and therefore likely inexperienced) woman who was getting flustered and upset.
I tapped the window and passed on the invaluable tip of using the plate glass window of the shop as a mirror to see where the front and back of her car was in relation to the other parked cars.
When I emerged from the shop a couple of minutes later, her car was perfectly parked in the middle of the space.

Second the book a parking lesson with a driving instructor .

I passed my test in 1988 but thankfully as my Dad retrained as a driving instructor when he retired ( to keep himself occupied ) he taught me to parallel park - even though I say so myself I'm damn good at it and take delight in my ability to parallel park into a tight space especially if males are watching - just to debunk the women cant park myth . Thankfully I have a very reliable old car , a manual , without any of these fancy gadgets for reversing/ parking etc as I like to be in control .

I find it very hard to understand that in all this time you’ve never tried to learn.

I find it very hard to understand why you don’t understand!

Buy a car with a 360 parking camera! OMG it’s changed my life. I’ve always been shut at parallel parking but now I can do it perfectly! The camera has changed my life 😂

You can buy a reversing camera to install in any car, no need to change your car.

Then book yourself some lessons and see if you can find an empty car park to practice in (use cones, not other cars!).

I took my test in 1972, no red flag comments please, and I am convinced that reversing round a corner, staying the same distance from the kerb all the time, is far harder that reverse parking or parallel parking!

*I find it very hard to understand that in all this time you’ve never tried to learn.

I find it very hard to understand why you don’t understand!*

It seems to be the norm to ignore problems rather than make the effort to solve them.

Most people learn when they need to. It’s not a problem, not all of us have unlimited time to learn something we can easily avoid, and I did for 28 years! When I HAD to learn, I YouTubed it, asked my husband and voila, job done. Stop being so judgy.

@DameXanaduBramble it is a problem if people who can't park delay others or take up multiple spaces meaning others can't park. I was stuck behind a woman the other day who took at least 15 goes at getting in a space you could fit a bus in.

Get lessons as others have advised but have them in your own car. I could park my driving instructors car with no problems but struggled in my first car.

You don't need an instructor. There are good video tutorials on youtube.

The OP has said she finds videos confusing. The advantage with an instructor is that she'll get specific feedback about what she's doing right and what she's getting wrong as she does it. It's also great practising in a car with L plates and a big box on the top as people give you loads of room. They're not all sympathetic but it does feel safer.

I passed my test in 2015 and because there was nowhere on the test route to reverse into a bay, my instructor didn't teach me how to. I know I should practice but for now I either drive into a bay or, my personal favourite, driving straight through two spaces so I can drive straight out when I leave.

I can parallel park but I haven't needed to so I'm very rusty. I get flustered very easily and I'm scared that I'll balls it up and have a queue of people behind me.

I wasn't tested on reverse parking either and was terrible at it for ages. Two things have made me better. 1. living in London and having no choice if I want to park the bastard at all. 2. POWER STEERING!I feel like you must be so nervous you haven't even really given it a bash, because most cars have power steering now and THAT means you can often correct yourself as you go along. It was always the idea that if you go in at the wrong angle you're fucked which paralysed me with the fear of some interfering old man coming to 'help'

Why on earth haven't you done something about it?

Book a lesson.

Ask a friend to show you.

Practice.

This is 'learned helplessness' and there is absolutely no need for it.

@KnifeAngel

-Well, how do you want it? The poor person having a go at it or not? How do you know she hadn’t been teaching herself, had lessons etc? Answer: you don’t.

@DameXanaduBramble what I do know is she held up me and the twenty or so cars behind me. It should be practiced in a quiet car park or similar not on a main road in rush hour traffic.

@knifeangel - diddums.

Learn to park FFS. It isn’t hilarious that after driving 30 years you haven’t bothered to learn.

Also ridiculous to suggest that at 48 you are incapable of learning.

Stop making excuses.

@DameXanaduBramble diddums to you not being able to park for 28 years .

If you can reverse round a corner you’re half way there already

I agree though, have a couple of lessons with a driving instructor focusing on manoeuvres. You’ll be fine in no time.

Practice. Practice. Practice. That is all you need. Find a quiet residential street and practice until you 'get it'. That is what I did with my daughter in the run up to her test. Yes you can be 'taught' it enough to pass the test, but you will only get confident at it with practice.

I can reverse park a trailer with a horse in it. I do not have any special skills, I just practiced and practiced in farm yard with an empty trailer until I became good at it. A penis does not help, so I am bemused by how many women ask a man to park their trailer.

My mum cannot park and always wants to act super impressed and praise me for my parking. It just annoys me. I took time to practice. She hasn't. She could, but she prefers to say 'she can't' and get someone else to do it. Learned helplessness - the liberated woman's enemy.

@knifeangel

That the best you can do?!

I think you need to YouTube empathy, understanding and patience, you’ll learn in no time. You were that parker once, remember?

Absolutely. Practice practice practice. I can park on a sixpence now, i learnt quickly. It was only the thought of inpatient twats behind me stopping me from trying.

I can't park either. I hate driving but it's a necessary evil sometimes.
I tend to drive into a space and drive out at the supermarket and that tends to work for me.
I don't drive much though but when I do I get a real knot of anxiety about it. Luckily I have a drive big enough to negotiate without too much hassle. I would hate to live on a narrow road without much parking!
I agree that maybe you could book some lessons up to learn again? It is a good idea.