I can't park

[Jocasta2018]

I'm not entirely sure if this is in the correct section but I hope it gets some attention. I'm using the App so hopefully the voting won't come on.
I can't park. Not 'oh I'm crap at parking ha ha' but I can't park. When I did my test 30 years ago at 17, I had to learn how to reverse around a corner as part of the test and that was it. I passed first time and my lessons ended. It didn't even occur to anyone that I should learn how to park.
I lived rurally, people had big drives, there were fewer cars on the road. It was was easy to drive into a space as cars were smaller & spaces were bigger.
6 months after my test, I moved to London. I was there for 12 years and didn't need to drive once! Illness then meant I surrendered my licence to the DVLA due to certain medications. I now have my licence back and am driving again but I'm finding it difficult.
I don't drink so am often the designated driver. When we get to a place, I'll swap with friends who then park the car. If I'm on my own, I admit that I've driven up to a place and left if I can't find a space I can get into.
My friends thinks it's hilarious. Some of them learnt to drive a few years after me when you had to park as part of the test and refuse to believe that I only had to reverse around a corner. Others can't believe I learnt to drive but didn't learn how to park.
It's now a big deal. I'm 48 and I'm not even sure I'm of an age when I can learn it even with lessons. After all, you can't teach an old dog new tricks. I've tried YouTube videos but I find them really confusing.
Has anyone reached this age and learnt how to park?
I'm sorry to burble on but I had to get someone to park last night and it was as embarrassing as usual.

I can’t park either. I don’t care though just find a big enough space. And if your mates don’t like it or laugh at you don’t give them lifts.

@Kazzyhoward - your instructor may have thought it useful to teach you how to parallel park, but it wasn't part of the test until 1991. I took my test in 1983 and had a couple of sessions of parallel parking with my instructor, but in the test I just did reverse round the corner, hill start and three-point turn.

Several suggestions

1. Go to an empty car park and practice, if your husband is calm and patient get him to talk you through ( if not leave him at home)
2. Driving lessons
3. In the longer term - my car has a camera and reversing guides - once I got the hang of it it makes it loads simpler - the lines superimposed on the screen tell you exactly where you’ll end up .

I learned to parallel park in my lessons but never really got it, the whole ‘line up your wing mirror with their hub cap, turn the wheel thrice whiddershins’ thing never really took for me and although I could do it it was a struggle.

The absolute best thing I did was just do it over and over again. Now I can whizz into really tight spots without thinking much about it. It’s one of those things, I find, that if you think too hard about it it all falls apart.

your instructor may have thought it useful to teach you how to parallel park, but it wasn't part of the test until 1991. I took my test in 1983 and had a couple of sessions of parallel parking with my instructor, but in the test I just did reverse round the corner, hill start and three-point turn.

Like teachers/schools etc., I think back then there was a tendency to teach things to be comprehensive rather than the modern trend of only teaching to test.

If all of the above fails you can now buy cars which park for you.

Mine was before 1991

I feel your pain, I am not a parking fan. I can do it though, because I don’t have a choice, I had to learn. You can do it too!

Not all cars are equal when it comes to parking. We have two cars - a Micra and a Scenic. The Micra is wonderful to park - it’s little, manoeuvrable and you can see where the front end is because the headlights have little bumps on them, a bit like frog eyes. I can stick that more or less anywhere. The Scenic is more difficult as it’s bigger and less nimble, and the front end drops away so you can’t actually see the end of the car - this makes me very nervous. It does have rear parking sensors though, which I recommend - they aren’t a substitute for looking of course, but they are a big help. I generally find it easier to reverse it into a space than to drive it in, these days. So think about the car you’re driving, obviously you may not be able to get a new one (how many of us could?!) but when the time comes for a replacement, make parking ease one of your criteria. And you can retrofit parking sensors too, in the meantime.

But then it’s a question of practice and gritting your teeth and taking as long as you need to get into a space. I find it much easier when I’m alone in the car as I can eff and jeff as much as I want without anyone getting alarmed Head for a quiet, safe car park and practice reversing into a bay, with no audience or time pressure. And definitely consider a lesson, when I was taught to parallel park there was a specific formula to it - reverse to this point, turn the wheel this far, go back to the next point, turn again. I’ve forgotten it now and park by feel and eye, but it was very useful when I was learning.

my car has a camera and reversing guides

You still have to look over your shoulders to watch for the things the cameras/sensors can't see. I've watched a couple of collisions now where people have been parked in a herringbone type of parking space (i.e. 45 degree to the road), and then both reversed out at the same time and collided their rear wings. In 40+ years of driving never seen it before, but now I've seen it twice in the last few months - all with new/high end cars, (BMW and Audi the last one) due to reliance on tech rather than their own eyes!

Go and do 2 or 3 lessons with a driving instructor (ideally in your car) and they'll teach you techniques on how to park.

My instructor broke the maneuvers down so they were almost like a digital process that if you did them in order you would be parked - which helped me get over the "it's all about skill or awareness" type feeling.

Not sure if it's a standard thing or just him, but to parallel park behind a car you had to reverse straight back until your passenger wing mirror was in line with the other car's drivers wing mirror and do one full wheel turn to the left, then when the kerb was in line with the top of your wheel in your passenger mirror do one full turn to the right, then when your passenger mirror was in line with the badge on the boot of the other car do one full turn to the right, and hey presto - parked!

Making it a process like that made it much easier to learn than just 'practicing' without a starting point.

I'm 29 and I've been driving 7 years on and off. I can't park to save my life- I'm worse at bay parking, too, I'm ok in places that aren't marked out and cope about 8/10 with a couple of very tricky drives at my flat and at my parents house, parking pretty well. I got quite good at parking a Nissan Micra in bays and then had to stop driving and scrap my car. Back behind the wheel in a slightly bigger car now and the driving has come back fine but the parking is a struggle. I only park in car parks and well away from people! Weirdly I learnt it's actually easier to park between two other cars as you have "sides" to keep you straight but I won't risk it in my current car until I've stopped parking hard to one side. I also got hounded by the bully behind me the last time I tried to street park (in my micra) so I am too frightened to do it at all now. It is bad enough that I will rebook lessons but I've just moved house so don't have the cash for that right now.

I have dyspraxia that really shows up as serious spatial awareness difficulties so I have genuine worries about it as well as a slow learning process and needing the right instructor with a technique that works for me. I haven't parallel parked or reversed round a corner since I passed my test either, and I don't really intend to do either again if possible!

I learned 30 years ago and you were taught reverse round a corner, reverse into a space and 3 point turn, you didn’t do them all in the test. I find it very hard to understand that in all this time you’ve never tried to learn.
It sounds like you have no special
awareness or a very nervous driver, you definitely need lessons.

I took my test in another country where they actually measure the car you're taking your test in and then line up poles not much bigger than the length of your car for you to park between! It's a great idea and means that it's not possible to get a licence unless you know how to park.

When I moved to the UK I had to re-take my test, and was astonished to discover that the closest I had to come to parallel parking was to reverse behind an already parked vehicle (that had nothing else further behind it) - it seemed to be all about how close you got to the pavement rather than the ability to parallel park...

I also shared a house with someone who couldn't park, and used to abandon her car in the middle of the road (in London) and come and get me to park it for her

Yes, get a lesson or two - or like a pp suggested, find a quiet car park on a weekend and practice...

I took my test in1993 and parallel parking was just being introduced. I got taught how to do it (I was crap) but as it happened, on (both) my tests, I was asked to reverse around a corner. It was random which manoeuvre you’d get on the test.

I can park a bit better now, but can only reverse park into a parking space on my left. If the space is in the right, I’m hopeless.

I’m a 1990 passer too and believe me, when you're alone and you HAVE to park you soon learn. I was like you, now I’m a demon parker!

I agree some lessons or practical help would be good. Practising is ok but if you don't know what you are practising it may not help.

And it's something spatial which is really hard to explain in words- "Aim the back of the car to the centre of the space..." etc.

if you can't take lessons or afford it - there must be some youtube videos which at least would show you what to look for, the tricks of what you're aiming to line up with what.

Assuming you mean parallel parking? I hate that too and will avoid doing it at all costs. Can you plan ahead and look for places with carparks with spaces you can drive straight into. In the mean time book some lessons?

I have a car with park assist. It will parallel and bay park for you.

I passed my test in 2014 and even then bay parking wasn't part of the learning syllabus. The first time I bay parked was when I turned up at the test centre.

I was taught to parallel park but my instructor said reversing round corners basically covers bay parking (which obviously is ridiculous really - reversing around a corner is not the same as trying to squeeze into a ridiculous space in Sainsbury's because two knobheads with 4x4s have parked on the lines either side of the only available space).

Oh I cannot parallel park but after getting stuck in a space when I stupidly went in forwards and having to ask a man to get me out😂I almost always reverse in now and practised loads.

I learnt to drive early 80s & did parallel parking in lessons, but obvs not test.

Anyway, I no longer have the confidence to drive, so hats off to you, Op.

I agree with the other posters - find a quiet car park and practice as much as you can, book a few refresher lessons with an instructor and if you can, get a car with a reversing camera - I’m a much better parker with one as I’m crap at judging how much further I can get into a space!

Book in for a few lessons solely for parking or if you have a patient/trusted family member or friend go to a car park when it's quiet and just do lots of practicing. Go slowly, don't panic, look all around you and just keep trying.

I'm exactly the same (age 39). I had refreshed lessons about 6 years ago and managed to park the instructor's small car into a double space (parallel parking) but just can't do it with my car. I arrive at places really early to allow time to search for a space or to park miles away.

Just book some lessons! There's a whole industry of trained professionals ready to help you. You could sort this out for less than 100 quid.
Google fixed vs growth mindset.