To not cook meat for partner

[Spoppit]

I know it may seem silly but friends are having such a debate about this 'issue' at the minute I've started to feel bad...

I've been vegetarian for 14 years both my children have been brought up vegetarian too, the texture of meat cooked or uncooked makes me feel sick, I can't stand the smell etc.
My partner eats meat and its not an issue for me that he does, if we order take out or go out to eat he has meat, I'd never expect him to stop...But I don't want to cook it, am I being unreasonable/unfair?

YANBU. I am not a vegetarian and I can cook things I won’t eat for others. That’s my choice. If I had an aversion to something I would not prepare it.

Your DP eats what he wants when you aren’t cooking, so you are not controlling what he can/can’t eat. No one else’s business.

@PersephoneandHades OP doesn't eat meat because she doesn't like the taste or texture, nothing to do with her morals

That was a fair read 😂

I love cooking so I choose to do most of it. He does cook and cooks his own meat if he wants it, but what we agreed on to start is I'll cook veggie and if he doesn't like it he can grab something else for himself.

I am vegetarian for moral/ethical reasons too but I didn't really want that to be the focus. Because I'm not forcing any of my feelings or beliefs onto him

My children are still young 5 and 2, they aren't his children, he's never had much involvement with their diets.
The children have always been vegetarian and my 5yo sees it as a very alien thing to eat meat, walking in the supermarket she asks why there's fish, I told her that people eat fish sometimes in a potato or with potatoes, she told me "penguins eat fish not people" 🤷🏻‍♀️

A lot with the friends is the 'well I couldn't..' but I'm not asking them to do anything so I don't see the real issue, it just made me question if I'm being fair enough

And I’ve just remembered I don’t cook liver for DH because it makes me 🤢but I do it in buy ready meals for him.

I never really understand this. If my DP doesnt want to eat what I have cooked (which he never does as I follow a strict no sugar no seed oils etc way of eating) then he cooks for himself. It's never been an issue.
I dont personally agree in my relationship for banning items of food like meat firm the house as another pp said because it would mean in our house that one person's view was more important and valid than another's and that's simply not how we roll. This is everyone's home and everyone's view is valid.

It's not unreasonable not to cook separately for him at all unless he cant cook due to some form of disability and then yes compromises would need to be made.

The point I was trying to make to friends is that he has the choice to cook for himself, we have separate pans and he cleans up the stuff he's used to prepare and cook meat himself. It's not banned in the house everything is just kept separate. My friends don't seem to understand why I can't just fry up a bit of chicken separate and put it on whatever I've made if I'm already cooking, they see it as too much hassle and say they wouldn't be able to cope with the set up but he doesn't seem to mind

YANBU at all. I’ve been veggie for years and there’s no way I’d cook meat, I’ve never done it so wouldn’t know where to start tbh. I couldn’t touch it and I detest the smell and sight of it.

Well your friends don't have to do it, so win win!

So you're fine with it, your partner is fine with it but some other entirely unaffected people think you're doing it wrong? Odd.

@motherheroic there is a fantastic chef whose name escapes me but she is on TV a lot who has a shellfish allergy. She still cooks it and does very well. I realise it's not the same argument but the principle is the same.

I'm torn on this one, if he is an avid meat eater and wants meat at every meal then you are incompatible. I couldn't commit to a life of eating a different meal to DH every day that just seems daft and like hard work.

I just don't believe that nobody else has any restrictions they put on a partner based purely on preference or morals. Lots of women object morally to pornography and won't live with someone who watches it. Do you think that's controlling? Or maybe you have a problem with certain religious ideas and wouldn't live with someone who practised them. Is that controlling? Clearly not! No one has to live or stay together. If your values don't align you either compromise, or one party concedes completely, or you break up. In our case we chose to compromise, and that's fine. Others have said "I'd leave if you told me no meat", and that's fine. And others have said "I'd never date someone who ate any meat at all" and that's fine too. Every one has their own line on it. I just don't understand why this is different to any other issue that most couples deal with. For some reason when it comes to veganism/vegetarianism everyone acts like compromising over different values is a crazy and unusual event.

Is it a problem for your partner? If not, then I can't see what it has to do with anyone else. Actually, even if it is then it's still something for the two of you to work out, not for other people to comment on.

I've been vegetarian for 35+ years and with my husband for over 20. I've cooked meat for him and his children for most of that time with no issues, until he decided not to eat meat at home for environmental reasons.

If your partner is fine with it, no need for this thread, should be closed

I'm mostly veggie and I don't want to cook or handle meat. Virtually the only thing that DH and I ever argued about was cooking. One day I snapped, and now he shops and cooks for himself and I cook for myself, mostly..(I will put on baked potatoes and ask if he wants one, and vice versa, then he will cook meat to go with it.) He likes buying bargains and he likes cooking. Some of my friends have been funny about this arrangement but, tough! Make it work for you. He works longer hours than me so I clear up more than he does, which makes cooking easier for him.

Nope, not unreasonable. My wife is veggie, I cook food for her and separate meat dish for me.
When wife cooks I eat veggie. Works for us.

Surely there’s no being or not being unreasonable 🤷🏻‍♀️ It’s very personal to you, and your families.

I’ve been veggie for 10+ years but still cook my husband/friends meat and fish. I do the majority of the cooking so it’d be a nightmare and to be honest I see my reasons as my own for being veggie and I’m flexible to others food choices as they are to mine.

I don’t enjoy cooking it or the smell etc but for me personally I see it as we all have different choices on what we eat/cook.

I don't eat meat or cook it. If my partner wants meat he makes himself dinner –simple!

And to your friends who suggest frying a chicken breast and serving it with whatever veggie meal you're having, do they mean as is, without any seasoning or marinade? Because I'm only a recent vegetarian and that sounds vile. A vegetarian meal is a complete meal.

Are they older? Having meat with every meal strikes me as something my grandparents would think necessary, not people with young kids.

I’m a staunch carnivore, but if you’re cooking, you can cook what you like!

YANBU.

You've met him at an entirely reasonable compromise. If he wants to make himself something with meat he can do. If he doesn't want to cook it he won't be eating it. Nobody needs to eat meat with any and every meal anyway.

I am vegan and cook meat for my partner. Personally I think it’s his choice to eat it and why should I stop him (he works so I cook the meals). Question is would he cook vegetarian meals for you? I guess my situation is slightly different as my children eat meat too so I am the one and only veggie!

@GiveHerHellFromUs I think those are the reasons OP gives for not wanting to cook meat for her DH, not for why she is vegetarian

@GiveHerHellFromUs op doesn’t say that is the reason for being vegetarian at any point, just the reason she doesn’t want to cook meat etc. I have been vegetarian for 25 years for ethical reasons, at first I actually missed the taste of meat on occasion but now just the thought of it makes me feel queasy, doesn’t alter the reason I became vegetarian in the first place.

YANBU, why on earth would you?

My DH is a vegetarian but will cook meat for me and the kids because he is bloody lovely.

He makes himself something else when he does that.

I am happy to cook and eat vegetarian meals for him because we are a team and I like vegetarian food.