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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not go out for lunch tomorrow in case we miss DD’s first steps.

112 replies

MrsWolf2 · 04/03/2020 20:20

She’ll be 16 months on the 11th.

She rolled pretty early, both ways, and was commando crawling like a pro before she was 6 months old. When she started pulling up and cruising at 8 months I thought she’d be walking soon. But no. Almost double her lifetime later and still not walking. Or talking either, but that’s a whole other thread.

Anyway, in the last couple of days she’s seemed way more adventurous than normal, is doing a weird downward dog type thing, trying to climb over impossible obstacles that and never has before, shifting her weight from side to side, other little signs that Mr Google tells me are all common before a baby’s first steps.

I really don’t want to miss her first steps! But DH and I are supposed to be going out for lunch together tomorrow just us, it’s a rare opportunity that we haven’t had for ages and won’t get for another few months at least.

Also it’s my mum and dad who are going to look after her while we go out. If she does take her first steps while we’re gone I will never ever hear the end of it. And not in a fun, teasing way. An irritating, ‘she did it with us because she prefers us’ will you please shut the fuck up and let me forget about it way.

On the other hand, one of the reasons I think she’s close is that she’s been in a right grump for a few days and I wouldn’t hate to get away from that for a few hours.

AIBU to not go?

YABU - don’t be ridiculous, go and have lunch
YANBU - no stay home don’t miss those first steps

OP posts:

WhereDidMyEyebrowsGo · 04/03/2020 21:02

Go out OP!

My DS is 32 and quite honestly I cannot remember what he did and when. It's probably written down in his book in the loft but he isn't interested. He once asked me if I had recorded the date he passed his first solid poo, no longer needed his potty or the first time he used a swear word. Which are pretty good questions! And no I can't answer those questions.

Go out and have a lovely time.

MingVase · 04/03/2020 21:08

Go out, you loon, in the nicest possible way. She will have loads and loads of firsts and in a few years you’ll be telling her about them. DS (7) is most amused that his first action in the world, on being handed to his father (CS), was to wee all over half the medical personnel in the room.

And tell your parents she can tap dance and knows all the words to ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’.

Palavah · 04/03/2020 21:09

Also, your relationship with your DH is really important too, so go to lunch and be totally present when you're there.

deste · 04/03/2020 21:14

M’y 18 month old DD took her first steps a month ago and is still not walking. She took three steps last week and two today. If she is anything like her you will be waiting in for weeks.

Pixie2015 · 04/03/2020 21:17

Go for lunch and if they say anything when you return say she’s been doing it for a few days and you wanted to surprise them!

1forsorrow · 04/03/2020 21:19

I agree with FlintstoneFred, lie through your teeth it is justified if they are going to be so stupid. I was thinking don't worry your parents just won't say she did it and you'd never know but if they want to be stupid beat them at their own game.

Samtsirch · 04/03/2020 21:21

You really can’t stay in for the rest of her childhood in case you miss one of the many milestones.
I agree with the others , enjoy your lunch and if your parents tell you she walked, tell them she’s already done it a couple of times.Once your parents have left, enjoy your own first time of seeing her walk and celebrate this with your husband.
Your parents may even lie to you that she’s walked, just to guilt trip you or to big themselves up, they sound irrational enough.

nildesparandum · 04/03/2020 21:23

My DS2 was very late in starting to walk I thought he never would.At 20 months I left him with my MIL one afternoon to pay a bill or something.
When I came back to collect him he came toddling to the door to meet me!
MIL commented that he had been walking all afternoon and proceeded to make tea.

hellywelly3 · 04/03/2020 21:25

Go out and have a lovely lunch, worst case scenario you miss it there is going to be so many other things you’ll do with your child. I’ve got three kids youngest is 10 and couldn’t even tell you how old they were when they walked.

mummyh2016 · 04/03/2020 21:28

I found out on my birthday last year that DD hadn't taken her first steps with me and DH. Instead she'd taken them with my DM and MIL. My mom never said anything, for some reason MIL thought it was a brilliant idea to drop it in conversation with my mom in front of me on my birthday, she's always been a selfish cow. You know what though, the fact she walked in front of them before us doesn't matter. DD won't remember it, and my and DH always said we wouldn't class DD as doing something until we'd both seen her do it together. I'm still pissed off at MIL but that's only because it feels like she tried to piss me off on my birthday.
Go out and enjoy your lunch!

MrsNoah2020 · 04/03/2020 21:28

I know this is a big deal now but, trust me, a few DC and years down the line, you'll be struggling to remember which of them had the emergency surgery or ate the hamster, let alone exactly when they walked

I wouldn't say anything to your parents. If she does walk when she's with them, turn the tables on them and say, "Yeah, she did that yesterday but we didn't tell you because we didn't want to spoil the surprise - we were hoping she'd do it for you too".

midwestspring · 04/03/2020 21:31

Go for lunch and if they say anything when you return say she’s been doing it for a few days and you wanted to surprise them!

I would also do this.
I honestly cannot remember which twin walked first, when, where or if I saw it.
These things are super important at the time and totally irrelevant later on.

Lightofthephoenix · 04/03/2020 21:33

My granddaughter took her first steps in my house, while I was babysitting for a few hours. Her parents still don't know and I never will tell them. As far as they are concerned, she took her first steps with them, the following afternoon.

NeverGotMyPuppy · 04/03/2020 21:34

Your parents sound like twats
You sound lovely. Enjoy your lunch, dont mention it to your parents unless they say something..

MollysMummy2010 · 04/03/2020 21:42

My daughter took her first steps at home on Mother’s Day when she was thirteen months old....except I am sure she already walked at the childminders who she was with 9 hours a day five days a week, but had the grace not to tell me.

MaryShelley1818 · 04/03/2020 21:47

Absolutely bonkers.

Acidrain · 04/03/2020 21:47

My son took his first steps at nursery at 18 months old. His first steps I seen where that evening and to me that will always be his first steps!
YABU, go and enjoy your lunch!

SunshineCake · 04/03/2020 21:51

I think keeping quiet then saying oh she walked with me is just as knobbish tbh. It didn't need to be said.

friendineed · 04/03/2020 21:53

Go out and enjoy yourself.

If she takes her first steps for parents, just say, 'oh she started walking last week. Didn't I mention it?'

LynseyLou1982 · 04/03/2020 21:59

I missed my DS's 1st steps he did it at nursery whilst I was working. I picked him up that night and just sauntered over to me. I was like "Oh right we're walking now are we"

QuixoticQuokka · 04/03/2020 22:00

The first time you see her take steps is the special time isn't it? Why does it matter if she's done it before, when you weren't watching, at the childminder, or with family?

MintyMabel · 04/03/2020 22:03

Regardless of when or where she does it first, there will still be the first time you see it and that’s going to be an amazing thing.

DD crawled late (2 and a half years old) I was out at a meeting one evening and DD caught it on camera. He sent it to me and I cried. I cried again when I saw her do it in person. It was amazing.

Go and enjoy your time together. When your parents say she did it there because she prefers them, just suggest she only did it because she wanted to get away......

MintyMabel · 04/03/2020 22:04

*DH caught it on camera.....that would have been astounding if she filmed herself 😂

Sophiesdog2020 · 04/03/2020 22:10

My almost 20yo DD was born early and with some health problems - she was late doing everything compared to her older brother!

When she was 16.5 months, my dad died after a short illness, I dashed to his hospital bedside along with my mum the day before, as he started to deteriorate.

My PIL were due to go to SILs house for MIL birthday weekend, we were supposed to join them for the day. Instead, they picked DC up and took them off to SILs so that DH could join me at my mums. They thought that DD would take her first steps that weekend, she was so so close, and were extremely concerned that we’d miss them!

Fortunately she hung on until the following weekend, we were both back home ahead of my dads funeral. But....I can only remember when she walked because of it being that particular weekend.

DS (22) was almost walking at his second Xmas, at 13 moths, then got a virus which stopped him, so I guess he walked just after that but I have no idea exactly when 😂😂

As for first words and when, they may be written in a book somewhere, but I have no memory! DD was late talking too, she had hearing problems, wore hearing aids all through primary, but can talk for England now!

Whilst milestones seem significant at this stage, they will have so many, as others have said, but (unless there are specific issues) do remember that they all end up walking, talking, being toilet trained, learning to read, write, swim etc.

Go for your lunch!

Mads123 · 04/03/2020 22:20

My DS is 16 months old to and I thought he'd be walking properly for months now, if I'd cancelled everything waiting I'd be very frustrated by now. Enjoy your lunch!!

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