Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go out for lunch tomorrow in case we miss DD’s first steps.

112 replies

MrsWolf2 · 04/03/2020 20:20

She’ll be 16 months on the 11th.

She rolled pretty early, both ways, and was commando crawling like a pro before she was 6 months old. When she started pulling up and cruising at 8 months I thought she’d be walking soon. But no. Almost double her lifetime later and still not walking. Or talking either, but that’s a whole other thread.

Anyway, in the last couple of days she’s seemed way more adventurous than normal, is doing a weird downward dog type thing, trying to climb over impossible obstacles that and never has before, shifting her weight from side to side, other little signs that Mr Google tells me are all common before a baby’s first steps.

I really don’t want to miss her first steps! But DH and I are supposed to be going out for lunch together tomorrow just us, it’s a rare opportunity that we haven’t had for ages and won’t get for another few months at least.

Also it’s my mum and dad who are going to look after her while we go out. If she does take her first steps while we’re gone I will never ever hear the end of it. And not in a fun, teasing way. An irritating, ‘she did it with us because she prefers us’ will you please shut the fuck up and let me forget about it way.

On the other hand, one of the reasons I think she’s close is that she’s been in a right grump for a few days and I wouldn’t hate to get away from that for a few hours.

AIBU to not go?

YABU - don’t be ridiculous, go and have lunch
YANBU - no stay home don’t miss those first steps

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsWolf2 · 04/03/2020 20:32

I’m going, and I’ll have a word with the more reasonable parent about maybe not telling us if she does. The suggestions about lying that she’s done it before are also good but I would really rather not know if they can possibly manage to keep it to themselves.

She’ll probably wait to do it next week when my MIL is here and I’ve just gone to the loo or something anyway 🤣

Thank you to the people who don’t think I’m mad for considering it. And for those that do think I am - mad but at least in a nice way right?!

OP posts:
NoParticularPattern · 04/03/2020 20:33

Good lord. Your parents sound like utter knobs who really shouldn’t be your first choice of child care. My daughter took her first steps properly with my mum and you know what she said? Nothing. Not until I text her saying she had just taken her first steps did she say “oh well actually she walked here the other day but I didn’t want to take that away from you so didn’t tell you at the time”. Because she’s not a knob. Tell them she’s already walked round the block and is in training for her first 10K. Then tell them it’s because she has prefers you (duh!) and don’t leave her with them again

Lazypuppy · 04/03/2020 20:34

The first time you see your child walk is the first time...honestly!

WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles · 04/03/2020 20:35

This is so PFB I love it Grin Your parents dont sound that nice though, do you have any other childcare options?

Recently my DM (who occasionally looked after my DC whilst I worked when they were young) confessed my DD1 took her first steps when my mum was watching her. My mother never mentioned it to me and obviously (with hindsight) pretended to be amazed when DD took her first steps the day after with me at home.

The occasion that promoted my mother to confess this secret? My DD's eighteenth birthday. 18. My mother knows how to keep a secret and be a good mother Smile

PS I can't even remember the day when the subsequent DCs started walking Blush Or any of the "firsts" that were so amazing when DD1 did them all originally Grin

GertiMJN · 04/03/2020 20:36

“oh well actually she walked here the other day but I didn’t want to take that away from you so didn’t tell you at the time”.

Because she’s not a knob

I'm sorry NoParticularPattern but if your DM was not a knob, she would never have said a word.

HomerSimpsonSmilingPolitely · 04/03/2020 20:37

If you're really bothered you could time the lunch for nap time. But I would just forget about it and enjoy lunch

Original poster
MrsWolf2 · 04/03/2020 20:39

And also yes one parent in particular is the issue but I don’t have anyone else to provide free childcare, they only see her about once a month and they are great with her and in many other ways so I will appeal to the reasonable one as best I can and carrying on gritting my teeth also as best as I can.

OP posts:
Midlifeargh · 04/03/2020 20:39

Your parents don’t sound nice!

Go for lunch - maybe take DD somewhere absolutely exhausting in the morning (swimming always used to do the trick with mine!) so she’ll nap while you’re gone the whole time! Grin

Midlifeargh · 04/03/2020 20:41

Sorry I read the full thread. One of them. Glad your mum is reasonable!

KTCluck · 04/03/2020 20:44

YABU (but yes, in a nice way Grin). I get it - my DD didn’t walk until 17 months and I thought I’d be gutted to miss it. I’m 99% sure her first steps were at nursery but they kept it quiet and when it came to it I really didn’t care. It seemed like such a big deal at the time, and it was exciting when she finally did it, but to be honest I struggle to remember the detail now Blush and the novelty soon wore off. Go and have a lovely lunch with your DH!

Dozer · 04/03/2020 20:44

It doesn’t matter if you miss the first steps, and your parents crowing about it wouldn’t either. Just enjoy your time alone with DH.

SnowyPetals · 04/03/2020 20:44

I couldn't properly say what was a "step" with mine anyway. The transition is gradual so there is so little difference between the last supported step and the first unsupported one you may struggle to see it anyway.

TheGreatWave · 04/03/2020 20:45

You are mad but in an absolutely lovely way.

My dd1 took her first steps at the cm's, she didn't really cruise, had done a wobbly step the day before, but that was it. However when I picked her up she toddler down the hall to me. I won't forget that.

However she was PFB, the other two I can barely remember. (Though I think they cruised more so it wasn't such a contrast as it had been with her)

Go, ignore your parents.

Valkarie · 04/03/2020 20:46

DS1 learnt to roll with me in the house, but would only roll when I wasn't looking. Took me ages to catch him! Missed the walking too as I was at work.

DS2 is a climber. Too mobile for my liking.

AliceLutherNeeMorgan · 04/03/2020 20:46

I can’t actually remember whether I witnessed the first steps Blush

Enjoy your lunch!

Cookit · 04/03/2020 20:47

If she does it for them and they say something just say oh yeah she’s been taking one of two steps for us the last few days too but she’s not really properly walking yet so I didn’t say anything.

I’m not sure if I’d go out for lunch and leave her with your parents though since it doesn’t sound like you like them very much.

DesLynamsMoustache · 04/03/2020 20:51

Ha, I just had this discussion with DD about her starting nursery and he suggested that I just tell them not to tell me if she takes any steps so ignorance will be bliss. I might just do that Grin I would actually be upset to miss them so I do understand OP, but I think the problem is more that your parents sound a bit horrible!

Eastie77 · 04/03/2020 20:52

DP saw DD's first steps (I was out) and our childminder saw DS take his first little step.
I wasn't bothered on either occasion. I now feel like a bad mum!

lakeswimmer · 04/03/2020 20:54

OP is this your first child and their first grandchild? There will be lots of milestones and you probably wont remember half of them. I don't mean that in a nasty way but by the time they're 18 there will be a lot of stuff they've done for the first time.

I've got three children and can't remember any of their "firsts". I may have noted them down in a baby book for DC1 but I'm pretty sure that by the time DC3 arrived we'd given up Grin

Rosesarere · 04/03/2020 20:55

Oh god I'm going to go totally against the grain here, I loved watching mine rake their first steps, it's one of the only firsts I actually remember, I wiuld be devestated to miss it!

help1653 · 04/03/2020 20:56

I don't remember DS2's first steps. I'm sure I was there I just don't remember. However I remember his first words and I don't remember his brother's. In 5 years time you won't care either way. But your parents sound mean and that is a problem.

fabulous01 · 04/03/2020 20:57

We thought one of mine took her first steps on my birthday...
A year later I was given all the diary stuff from nursery.... she took her first steps there .... it was about a month earlier.
Go and enjoy your lunch. And yes tell the babysitters she had already taken them

MsVestibule · 04/03/2020 20:58

@NoParticularPattern but why did your mum then tell you 'actually, you didn't see her first steps, we did' Confused. She might as well have told you at the time! If she had to tell you at all, your DC's 18th birthday is the first time it should be mentioned.

OP, given what your parents are like, I'd just say, 'she took a few steps earlier this morning, so keep on encouraging her!'. So if she does do some while they're babysitting they can't gloat, and if she doesn't, well, it was just a one-off, wasn't it?

SuperMumTum · 04/03/2020 20:59

There will be loads of other "firsts" that you'll be there for. I can't remember either if my DCs first steps or first words or much at all but I was there for most of it and I don't think it really matters. Lunch sounds lovely, do that.

womenspeakout · 04/03/2020 21:01

I’ll have a word with the more reasonable parent about maybe not telling us if she does.

What the hell is this?

I don't see how you can control this by saying that. So you tell the reasonable parent not to say anything if she walks, but you, nor the parent are able to tell the other parent (mother?) the same, so nothing is stopping them saying she walked.

Go to lunch, it sounds like you need a nice break.