Grandparents driving D.C.

[beyoncessweatband]

Dhs parents who provide childcare 2 days a week want to drive my D.C. in their car. I'm not comfortable with D.C. being driven around. Partly that I live in London so I never take cars for short journeys and when I was on mat leave I took public transport to every activity.

However FIL had an injury which meant he had to have surgery and he couldn't walk or drive for nearly 2 years. Now FIL provides childcare he wants to get a car seat to drive D.C. around. Given he's only just started driving and he's late 70s, I told my DH I wasn't happy about it and he needs to tell his parents. He argued that his parents couldn't be expected to stay in doors all day. They are not being asked to stay in doors. They are being asked not to drive with my D.C. here's a park 10m walk plus a bus stop 5m down the road plus a tube station.

I assumed he did but then the other day I heard his dad tell him he's got a car seat!

I'm really pissed off.

We should agree all decisions and not for him to go around my back.

AIBU?

you're very lucky to have grandparents who are able to be so active and involved in your childs lives. I know plenty who havent been that fortunate. it would be unwise imo to damage your relationship with them over this. seems to me it's more you dont trust them to look after your child full stop. the driving is just one element

rather than pin it on that because it really isnt a reasonable request, just be honest and say you want your kid to go to nursery instead. your obviously not worries about offending them

you're*

I think that there are a couple of different issues here: your reluctance to have your PILs look after your children at all and
your somewhat strange attitude to cars and driving (apparently shared by your own parents).
What does your husband think about all of this?

Pay for childcare. Or stop micromanaging.

YABU

YABVU

Do you let your DH drive your children around? Do you go everywhere on public transport? Including longer journeys. It sounds like you have an irrational fear of car journeys rather than your PIL driving

Have you read the latest research? Kids who are driven around in cars live longer and healthier lives than those who take public transport. It’s unfair but it’s true.

Have you read the latest research? Kids who are driven around in cars live longer and healthier lives than those who take public transport. It’s unfair but it’s true.

That will be nothing to do with actually being in a car. People who have cars tend to be better off than people who rely on public transport. It's just the poverty gap in action.

Also the vast majority of children probably do a mixture of both.

Some people in their late 70s drive very well. I know a woman in her 90s who drives well! It all depends on how well they drive, not their age. My own DF is late 70s and drives badly because of an illness he has. I wouldn't want him to drive my DC. My DM is the same age and an excellent driver. I'm very happy for her to drive the children. Once they have the car go out fir a few drives with him and see how it goes.

YABU. Tell them the time has come for your child to mix with others and book a nursery. Visit them instead and make it a 'we want to see you' rather than a 'I want you to do it my way' visit. Would they have to use public transport if, heaven forbid, they needed A&E or could he drive then? Either you trust them or you don't.

Have you read the latest research? Kids who are driven around in cars live longer and healthier lives than those who take public transport. It’s unfair but it’s true.

And have you read the recent research that says driving in cars (presumably buses too?) exposes children to far more air pollution than walking / cycling?

I've always lived in London, I used to drive, my husband always drove, my son drives, my dad and my father in law drove. If your father in law is a decent driver why worry? 70s isn't old, if he was 86 it might be different but most people are still driving in their 70s.

I don't understand why you are worried unless you've been a passenger in the car with father in law and he drives all over the road and goes through red lights. If you had a nanny she would be driving.

You have my sympathy if you are nervous about car travel, I have been a terrible passenger since my early thirties, no idea how that started but it did and I can't help it; in my case, long car journeys on motorways, like going on holiday to Cornwall, were a nightmare and still would be but I just don't do that now. However you surely don't want your child to pick up on your fears.

Your in laws are not suggesting anything out of the ordinary.

If they're to continue driving your dc you need to check they've got a really good car seat.