Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Smoking in the house

101 replies

Simonex · 03/03/2020 11:44

AIBU to ask partners parents to stop smoking in their home for the sake of my children?

Ive lived in their house for 10 months now and smoking had been an issue from day one. I have a 5 years old from a previous relationship and now 4 months pregnant. I think smoking in the house is unacceptable in general but with kids in the house it's even worse.

My partners parents have a different view, 'it's their house they can do what they want. They've been smoking in the house for 20+ years so who am I to tell them to stop'. Which I get BUT when it involves kids in my eyes it's becomes a different situation.

I thought I managed to get them to agree to smoking in the conservatory as they refused to go outside (still not good but small victories I guess), which I thought had happened since day one. Come to find out a few days ago the mum has been smoking in her room in the morning and night since I moved in. Not one or two here and there but multiple cigarettes daily. I was convinced I was constantly smelling fresh cigarette smoke, my partner didn't so thought I was being extra but turns out I was right.

Anyway asked her to stop or we're gonna have to figure out some way to move out which isn't actually possible and she knows this. (I only moved into partners house as I had no choice as my parents decided to sell the house I was living in prior to moving in with them.) She thought about it and said no she's not going to stop.

So now I'm stressing myself out trying to figure out what I can do to get my kids out this house. Would have never moved in if I knew the mum would continue to smoke in the house. I mean I would've been homeless but at least I could've tried the council in my own area but now seeing as I've moved, the council won't help me as I've haven't lived in the area long enough. Plus there's more needy people than me anyway.

So as I said AIBU to ask partners parents to stop smoking in their home for the sake of my children? And is my partners mum saying no her being unreadable?

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 03/03/2020 14:07

Op, just move out, you’re too old with two kids to be living in someone else’s house unless you really have to. And you don’t really have to, you could house yourselves you chose not to.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 03/03/2020 15:05

They can't afford rent but they can buy new sofas just to get rid of the smell?
They're taking you for fools.

Move out with or without your partner.
Why would you want to bring a new baby up in someone else's house when you're already treading on eggshells as it is?

Nanny0gg · 03/03/2020 15:15

If they stopped smoking they could afford their bills.

Move out

Yummymummy2020 · 03/03/2020 15:18

You are not unreasonable not wanting smokers around, but it’s also their house so by rights you can’t really make them stop. It’s horrible though and I would be miserable in that set up. I really hope you can move out somehow soon!!!

Mayhapitis · 03/03/2020 15:22

If you're paying above and beyond in rent to them why can't you move out and rent on your own? Just a small flat or something?

It's not ideal to choose to get pregnant with a 2nd child while living in someone else's house.

You can request she not smoke indoors but she certainly doesn't have to agree to it, grim as it is.

Wouldn't it have been better to wait to have another child? If you're unmarried and living in her house with a child that is not her son's child then it's a very precarious situation for you.

Kimbaland · 03/03/2020 15:30

Something tells me the whole 'we are supporting them but can't move out because it's inconvenient' isn't true.

Morgan12 · 03/03/2020 15:30

Why aren't you moving out?

Original poster
Simonex · 03/03/2020 15:38

Kimbaland youve been wrong three times now. I didn't ask for you to dig into my story, pull it apart and decipher truth from lie. I asked if I'm being a reasonable. You've answered, move on.

OP posts:
londonrach · 03/03/2020 15:43

Yanbu re smoking inside but its their house. their house, their rules. Move into your own home.

DingleberryRose · 03/03/2020 15:44

You can’t be that adverse to it you’re bringing another kid into the situation! Or is it another classic case of Mumsnet contraception failure?

Glad contraception works in real life better than it does on here or else we’d all be up the duff!

Original poster
Simonex · 03/03/2020 15:51

Honestly do people not read??
I DID NOT KNOW SHE WAS SMOKING IN THE HOSUE.

OP posts:
PerfectParrot · 03/03/2020 16:06

The advice remains the same, tho simonex, you need to move out.

doadeer · 03/03/2020 16:10

I think if they haven't stopped by now they aren't going to. So you need to decide if you are happy having your baby in that environment as you have 5 months to decide. I would be miserable in a smokey house

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 03/03/2020 16:10

In fact if we move out his parents would struggle

But that's not your problem if you're worried about the health of your kids... maybe they can get some other lodgers who don't mind the smoke.

You do. It's their house and she won't stop. So you need to move.

Isthistrueor · 03/03/2020 16:17

You need to move out as every other PP has pointed out. Being exposed to smoke during pregnancy creates a higher risk of stillbirth and if the newborn is exposed to it, a significantly higher risk of SIDS. His parents may not realise this but they need to, babies shouldn’t even be held by someone who has recently smoked.

It is their house though so they can do what they want.

drinkygin · 03/03/2020 16:25

Well yes you did. You knew she was smoking in the conservatory which is part of their house. Your poor kid must stink of smoke going to school. I actually think it’s irresponsible of you to stay there- it’s their house and they’re unwilling to stop, you’re the one exposing your son to cigarette smoke by continuing to live there. Your son has literally no choice in the matter. Find a new place and move ASAP!!

GA2012 · 03/03/2020 16:27

Smoking in the house is disgusting but it is their own house to do as they please. I think in most parents would stop if they had children in the house but clearly they don’t want to.

My mother smoked in the house when I was little. She’s since given up and is horrified that she ever did that. Smokers don’t notice the smell, yellow stains on everything! It lingers everywhere.

I have a son with my ex. He didn’t smoke when my son visited but smoked in his house when DS wasn’t there. Third hand smoke still lingered on soft furnishings, bedding, carpets etc. My son wild come back with a cough and stinking of it every time. Even if they stopped smoking if they don’t clean their house it will linger!

I’m totally with you on the smoking thing but like I say it is their house. Could you afford to get your own place? Where did you live with your oldest?

Reginabambina · 03/03/2020 16:31

How long would it take you to find a place where your son could stay in his current school? If you didn’t pay their rent this month would that be enough for a deposit?

Kimbaland · 03/03/2020 16:31

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MaryShelley1818 · 03/03/2020 16:44

Well clearly they don't care about their Grandchilds health, but they can do what they want, it's their house.
You on the other hand NEED to prioritise your children's health and get yourself in your own property. There must be somewhere available to rent within the schools catchment.

Jojobees · 03/03/2020 16:50

I can’t believe your co2 is only 2. I like a previous poster walked through a gaggle if smokers at the entrance and blew a 12 😮
I would move out.

Brazi103 · 03/03/2020 16:53

You actually have no place to be making any demands. You lived with your parents and then went on to someone elses parents bringing along a child who they really dont need to be taking in. If you really make out that they are so dependent on you, then you can move out. Work on standing on your own first with your partner instead of always moving in with people.

coconutpie · 03/03/2020 16:54

You should not be living there. Move out.

JRUIN · 03/03/2020 16:57

You have already been told that your in-laws are not going to quit smoking, so the way I see it you have two choices which is either you move to a cheaper area or you put up and shut up. There's really nothing else to say is there?

coconutpie · 03/03/2020 16:57

Also, even if they would struggle if you moved out, why do you give a damn? They clearly think very little of you, your DC and your pregnancy if they are continuing to smoke. Treat them with that same respect (which is zero).

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.