Keep DS 4 off school on World Book Day

[boymum9]

Just wanted peoples opinions.
Ds 4 is in reception, they have to dress up in a costume for world book day on Friday and he's really upset about it. School have suggested that he is potentially on the autistic spectrum (something we've always wondered but never investigated because doesn't effect him really day to day, it's more to do with learning and repetitive things, obsession with numbers, advanced academically but no issues with social interactions)
Doing things out of the ordinary really upset him, and he's very upset about having to dress up, scared, embarrassed, doesn't want to be dressed up in front of people, he's always been happy to dress up at home but never been a boy that would ever wear a dress up outfit out of the house.
I was planning on speaking to his teacher and discussing it with her, but I'm reluctant to send him in in uniform because everyone will be dressed up and then he'll realise he's standing out more, AIBU to just keep him off school and say he's ill?

You should get an autism assessment so you know. My brother has autism so I knew the signs. When I saw my son doing some of the things my brother did the first thing I did was get him seen and he is currently on the list for an assessment. It takes years so it should have been done straight away.
But if you want to keep him off then do it

Just send him in uniform. The kids won’t even notice- reception age are so self absorbed.
Last year, when dd was in year one, I sent her dressed up as a tiger a week early. The other kids were perfectly nonplussed. I did get some stick from the other parents though!

Please don't keep him off. It's setting a terrible precedent and won't help him in the long run.
Just don't dress him up. Simple.

If dressing up is going to upset him then keep him off, lots of stories at home, maybe a trip to the library. the point of book day is to get kids excited about books and that wont work if hes freaking out about costumes.

As he is little it doesnt matter if he misses school. But that wouldnt sit well with me because there will be many days such as these and what is your plan for that?
Why not work around it.
You could dress him in normal clothes and send a prop. That will work well.

My son is similar- Mike TV was a brilliant choice as it's just basically homeclothes. You may well have all the clothes anyway. I disagree with dressing up for World Book Day (not in itself though) as it puts parents under pressure to spend money on outfits and children under stress to be wearing something they are comfortable in/ but still look like a gruffulo.....

@Nowayorhighway How dare you say that to the OP? It's nobody else's business whether to have it investigated or not, it's the parent's decision! It's also not what the OP posted about!!! Reported

But sod it, a day off school never hurt anyone!

Sorry if it’s already been mentioned OP but if he’s fine socially but advanced academically/strong interest in numbers and great memory have a google for hyperlexia.

You can't keep him off just because it's WBD. How ridiculous. If there's an issue talk to the teacher but don't keep him off. What sort of message are you sending and example are you setting?

so until his teacher mentioned it in a light hearted kind of way, for example "we have wondered if he is potentially very slightly on the autistic spectrum with things we've noticed such a repetitive behaviour, counting, memory, but socially he shows absolutely no signs, so we don't think it's anything you need to worry about" kind of thing

Totally inappropriate and unprofessional of the teacher to say that in that way.

You cannot be 'slightly' on the spectrum- you're either on it or you're not, although the degree to which you are affected varies, hence it's a spectrum.

My son has autism and absolutely hates dressing up. He hates world book day, children in need, comic relief and school dress up days (Roman, Egyptian, Victorian day etc). He accepts going in normal clothes though so on world book day I’m going to send him in his normal clothes but you could send him in uniform. The school know this is the case and really don’t mind. No children should be made to dress up if they don’t feel
Comfortable. I don’t have autism but always hated fancy dress as a child and still now.

My dd was like this at that age. As she got older it became obvious that she had anxiety. It got to the point where she would go to school in dress up with uniform in her bag. We would sit in the car (normally walked) and if she saw other kids in fancy dress she was fine.

It was just awful at one point. I used to dread it. She’s in Year 9 now, and thank god we don’t have to do it now.

Send him in ordinary clothes eg jeans and a jumper, school won't mind

Hmm its tricky. If you tell him everyone has to wear a costume then hopefully he will be ok once he arrives. Perhaps take his costume in and once he sees his friends he may wear it? It is a shame for him to miss out. My DD has already had Pudsey day. Nspcc number day and will wear a hat on world book day. So there will be other events too.

It's worth having a chat with the GP although my auntie (social worker) says often below age seven is far too young to be assessing kids. Sometimes it's an age thing. My five year old gets anxious about the attention being on her too. She doesn't always want to go to her classmates birthday parties. But we encourage her to go and mingle now as once she sees how fun it is she will hopefully relax.

Have a chat with the teacher. They can advise you further. I wouldn't keep him off though. Putting him in the situation hopefully will cure him. If it doesn't it helps you to build up a picture of how he's struggling. This is then helpful for any further investigations with him in the future. I say chat to the teacher. Keep his costume fairly simple. Ask the teacher if he can change at school. That takes pressure off you in the morning too x

World book day is on thursday

Send him in his own clothes with a plastic bucket full of toy dinosaurs.

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Not at all. DD hasn’t been to school on Halloween dress up day for the last 5 years. She is terrified of masks and the school do nothing to police their “no mask” policy so we keep her off.

It's become "Harry Potter day" anyway.

I would advise my parents to send in whatever they feel comfortable in and have a dress up option in a bag, then if they feel they want to be dressed like everyone else they have the option.

Does he generally cope with school and this is unusual for him, or is he struggling already and this is a step too far?
The former, I'd send him to school and drag him in by any means necessary. A badge to pin on uniform or own clothes, in his bag.

The latter, I'd happily keep him off. He's only four. Keeping him comfortable enough to attend in general is crucial.

Also the teacher's words may not be perfect but given so many parents will react badly to "something is seriously odd with your child and really you need to push for assessments ASAP", you can't blame them for couching it in terms of "a touch of autism".

My ds was very similar and we needed that push from teachers as he's so much less obviously austisic than his older brother, it hadn't registered with us.

Nowadays he loves WBD and going as something that usually isn't yet another....