Hold me back - dyspraxic DS is in the kitchen...

[QueenOfOversharing]

Oh God. DS (21) is dyspraxic (among other things) & he wanted to make macaroni cheese. [we're having a really difficult time of late, so I'm thinking "yay, bonding, sideways talk"]

I've had to sit down in the living room. I may need to go for a walk.

I started him off, making a roux. All good. Then adding milk. Was going great. I saw a few lumps, but hey, do not step in with a spoon, Queen.

I went to sip my coffee & hear "errrrr it's a bit lumpy..." so I pop through & it is like a huge jelly made of pus. He is poking at it with the spoon. There is zero stirring going on. Poking.

I've had to offer help step in - but he is now about to eat macaroni with cheesy jelly. 🤢 I had to taste it. He is eating it "that's really good!" I am trying to look delighted for him I might need a Valium & a lie down

I used to joke with a mum friend at how difficult we found letting our kids do stuff when they are clearly not doing it right - I had hoped I was past that stage. Clearly fucking not 🤦🏼‍♀️

Please can you share your culinary (or otherwise) disasters.

These roux tips are great. I'm no great cook, so anything that helps me is a bonus!!

I am dyspraxic and can make roux. He needs to use a whisk not a wooden spoon through out the process. Also warm milk added bit by bit.

Ultimately dyspraxics are like anyone else - we are more likely to improve and find coping strategies for things we enjoy, and he will never enjoy cooking it you are looming over his shoulder.

@memememe is it Mac & cheese Monday??? 😂

I was telling DS that my mum used to crunch up crisps on top, then add cheese & grill it. He didn't look that impressed.

But he's really proud of his dinner & there's so much (as I'm on a diet) that we're freezing some.

This week he's got chilli, bolognese & chicken fajitas to make. Those are his staples.

I can’t ride a bike with two wheels but can do it if there are training wheels on it. It took me a long time to learn how to swim, build strength in my legs (weight lifting and incline walking) and arms so I didn’t trip or drop things. Help him to focus on solutions not problems.

@PostNotInHaste I used to love Delia - I'll check that out. He's pretty good at finding things to try, so I'll let him know.

@GrumpyHoonMain yeah, thanks, but you might have missed me saying I wasn't "looming over his shoulder". Ffs.

out of interest what is ds sense of direction like? (dd has dyspraxia plus (ahem) attention deficit disorder without hyperactivity - translation "dolly daydreamer" - amongst other issues - her sense of direction is, shall we say, problematic)

@GrumpyHoonMain ffs. Do you think that's NOT what I'm doing???

Honestly, this is why we can't have nice things...

The first time my brother boiled an egg, he cracked it open in to the pot.

He's not dyspraxic or anything, just an absolutely terrible cook

I m dyspraxic and love cooking, I use pre chopped frozen veg for most things but otherwise it's just been practice and I m nearly 25 and don't make anywhere near as much of a mess as I did when I started cooking at 13.

When we bought our kitchen, I delibrately wanted one with a bit of walking space between counters so i don't often hurt myself in the kitchen.

@mumwon let's just say that I have been phoned on more than one occasion to pick him up as he got lost on the tube. He uses a maps app on his phone & still gets lost. BUT he is doing so much better. He has physical disabilities & for a long time wasn't able to travel independently - he does find his own ways of working round things.

My 12yo is dyspraxic. It’s SO hard sitting on my hands where she does anything that requires focus on more than one thing at a time! Still can’t ride a bike, the whole pedal and steer and balance and watch where you’re going is WAY too much!

@jaseyraex hahaha!

@1990shopefulftm I get him frozen pre-chopped garlic, onions, mushrooms, peppers & chillies - so much easier!

It's so good to share things we've found that help - I realised a while ago when a friend had DS overnight how many things we do differently or need a slightly different approach to. She found him really challenging.

I'm not dyspraxic but I can't make a roux for the life of me. I just buy a jar of white sauce and if the recipe calls for a cheese sauce I melt a load of cheese (blue cheese and cheddar) into it and add some Worcestershire sauce, garlic powder and onion powder.

Ds has adhd and watching him make his own food, especially when he has to use a sharp knife, is difficult. I don't take over though unless he's about to chop his fingers off and he has gained a fair bit of confidence over the last few months. Dh takes over and it does my head in because he'll never learn that way.

It's great that you're ds is proud of his efforts and that he has some staples that he enjoys doing. As he gains confidence he should be able to experiment and change, adapt or improve his regular recipes.

www.worldofbooks.com/en-gb/books/good-housekeeping/good-housekeeping-kids-cook/GOR009958299?keyword=&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIq4mehsH85wIVirHtCh2hbgnWEAQYAiABEgKyPPD_BwE
Golden circle did a series of children's cook books
If he can get by the name(children) these are brilliant they have step by step pictures & ones of how it turns out & simple instructions

@Emmelina it is hard to not give suggestions or help (not that some ppl think I even bother trying). I sat in the living room. Even seeing the jelly white sauce I let him finish it. He loved it!

I hear you OP. I have a DS who is dyspraxic and I don’t loom over him either, but the effort of holding back and anxiously hoping it’ll all be OK is significant. No harm in being light-hearted about that...

Mine is younger so doesn’t use sharp knives yet. I’m dreading that stage tbh, especially because I’ve cut myself when cooking plenty of times and I really don’t cope well with sliced flesh. I know it will be so, so hard to keep out of the way and let him get on with it 😖

@TwoZeroTwoZero that's exactly it - there are still limits (DS cut himself badly years ago due to his issues & cut through the artery in his finger, needing surgery), but they need to learn by trying. I remember doing home economics at school & taking home a sort of "meatloaf", swimming in grease. I also made scrambled eggs every day for weeks.

@64sNewName my suggestion - scissors! DS uses them to cut meat - tbh it's that or me fo it. I know they're still sharp, but meat cutting is not easy. And as PP mentioned - frozen pre-chopped veg.

I also don't bother much with weighing - we've done a lot of recipes with US "cups" as so much easier for him too.

You will find ways that your DC can incrementally do more. Sitting on your hands is a challenge though! 😂

Scissors, of course!

@64sNewName I wouldn't have thought of it, but one day it just occurred to me. He chops up chicken breast now, no problem.

My 10 year old is VERY dyspraxic. Spreading things on bread is incredibly challenging for him-he saw a YouTube hack about using the back of a spoon instead of a knife, absolute game changer

This is interesting to read. My DS is dyspraxic and loves cooking. It is hard to sit back 😬 he is goimg GCSE Food and its really helping thankfully.
Drumming lessons since age 11 have been great. He needed one to one swimming lessons for over 2 years bless him! Bike riding was painful but we pushed him. He then went over the handlebars quite dramtically. Not sure how he'll do with driving.

My DS is still struggling with cutlery for eating. We were recently at the OT when his autism kicked in with his wall of resistance to trying something differently. In a way I was slightly relieved and amused as he's been so obliging through the process so far, and masks so well at school that it was refreshing to see his stubborn streak emerge in front of a professional. His teacher read through the euphemisms in the report too and thought "you little monkey" when she got to that bit

It is frustrating watching him struggle and get frustrated and doublely so when he shuts down and won't try to help himself.

My fine motor control is not bad, but my coordination is not the best. Mastered swimming at 16 and a bike at 19. Organisation is not my talent either. It's become apparent that dyslexia and dyspraxia are rife through my family and I suspect that I'm not fully neurotypical. I get him, but not the extent of his difficulties.

DS flatly refused to mountain bike on cub camp, scowling and grumbling about how dangerous it was... oh how vindicated was he when his intrepid little brother went over the handle bars into the bracken

He's a drummer, I thought it would be good for coordination. No idea what he's like though!

Bike riding is so hard when you think about it. My DS had horse riding lessons when he was younger - if he'd been able to persevere (was too painful for his hips - had been operated on for dysplasia) I think that would have helped too.

My DS has fine motor issues still - very hypermobile joints, so his grip is really painful. That does make things more difficult.