To ask who pays for childcare if you are separated

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When my ex and I split, he agreed he would fully support our son and pay for any childcare costs incurred when I returned to work after maternity leave. He is a high earner, whereas I’m not as high - he earns double my wage. I also have 2 other children from a previous marriage so I get no Government support for DS (other than CHB) as he’s my 3rd child, born after 06.04.17. I have to claim UC for my 2 eldest children and also claim childcare costs for them. Their father takes nothing to do with them and does not pay any child support. I haven’t seen or heard from him in 3 years.

I did everything with regards to sorting out childcare for DS as EX couldn’t be bothered, and DS started his nursery just over a month ago. I also had to reduce my working hours to 30 per week as the nursery couldn’t accommodate DS full time and EX wasn’t willing to provide any childcare during the week, so I am losing around £4000 pa from my salary.

The first invoice from the nursery came in last week so I informed him that the fees are to be paid. He’s now saying he’s not paying. I tried to compromise and said I’d pay half and suggested we split DS care 50/50, meaning he would be responsible for DS 2.5 week days and 1 weekend day. I’d do the same. He’s still refusing.

AddressLabel - I did that once - he stood in the middle of the road aghast holding the baby - and phoned his mother

Were you married? Is the house solely yours?

Never married and yes, the house is solely mine.

What hours are you working ? You seem to need a lot of childcare for part time... can u change your days/timing...
you don't have to agree to fri/sat -I certainly wouldn't

can you switch the UC childcare element from an older child to your youngest who costs more in childcare?

Can you reduce your hours a little further so you earn just under the threshold rather than just over it?

And yes, he can't deduct his petrol from your CMS.

It is a shit situation.

Go to CAB and get them to do a whole overhaul of your entitlements, and explore options, like those above for maximising your income. Also some online calculators you can play about with.

Maybe he dumps £££ into his pension to reduce his assessed earnings?

Reading all these comments admonishing the fathers is ridiculous.

My ex partner chose to take my daughter away from me, she made false allegations of DV, when it was her that was violently attacking me all the time.

She then proceeded to hack my emails and google accounts, all this after years living in fear of her due to the controlling and coersive behaviour.

She chose to have me arrested under false allegations and then take our 5 month old daughter away from her home, a place of safety to only end up in a womens refuge with god knows how many other people.

Now shes decided to apply for a NMO to strengthen her case for 100% child custody and full legal aid.

And to top it off, shes applied to CMS who say I should give 700 a month, when I know it doesnt cost anywhere near that much to support my child. I was paying for everything when we were together and it was a fraction of that.

The CMS are crooks. My gross pay doesnt reflect the level of tax I pay, the NI, student loans or the debts I have to service, debts that she beneifited from whilst we were together.

After that 700 and everything else, what am I left with? I havent even seen my daughter since the day she got me arrested? Shes falsly claimed that I am a danger to my daughter, making allegations that I smoke in front of the baby when I actually quit the day she was born.

I am happy to pay for my child, however I am not paying for the mothers lifestyle.

She chose this and she has to live with the consequences, I am more than happy to take full custody if she cant afford to be a good mum. I know I can be a great dad.

What an absolute prize this bloke is. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this crap. Why can’t men just do the right thing by their children and why do many women stand by CMS figures? Any system that lets a man get away with £150 a month to raise a child is an absolute joke.