To ask who pays for childcare if you are separated

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When my ex and I split, he agreed he would fully support our son and pay for any childcare costs incurred when I returned to work after maternity leave. He is a high earner, whereas I’m not as high - he earns double my wage. I also have 2 other children from a previous marriage so I get no Government support for DS (other than CHB) as he’s my 3rd child, born after 06.04.17. I have to claim UC for my 2 eldest children and also claim childcare costs for them. Their father takes nothing to do with them and does not pay any child support. I haven’t seen or heard from him in 3 years.

I did everything with regards to sorting out childcare for DS as EX couldn’t be bothered, and DS started his nursery just over a month ago. I also had to reduce my working hours to 30 per week as the nursery couldn’t accommodate DS full time and EX wasn’t willing to provide any childcare during the week, so I am losing around £4000 pa from my salary.

The first invoice from the nursery came in last week so I informed him that the fees are to be paid. He’s now saying he’s not paying. I tried to compromise and said I’d pay half and suggested we split DS care 50/50, meaning he would be responsible for DS 2.5 week days and 1 weekend day. I’d do the same. He’s still refusing.

the CMS calculator gives a rate of just under 300 for that salary. definitely go back to CMS to get it recalculated.

If he earns £35k per year he should be paying a lot more than that. Have you put the numbers into the CMS calculator?

He deducts petrol costs of £30? Are you shitting me? What a cock.

If he doesn’t pay I’m probably going to have to give up my job or take a career break as I just can’t afford £750 a month in fees.

he cannot legally deduct petrol money. contact CMS and take him to the cleaners

@curlsnotfrizz are you sure? When he was having DS 1 night per week the calculation was only £230 a month. I’ve never had anywhere near £300 from him. I checked award letter just there and he earns £673 per week so just under 35k?

Go through CMS. He should be paying more than that on his wage - although I would say that 35k is not a high earner so I'm not surprised he's reluctant to pay all of the nursery fees.

If he already had DS 2 nights a week anyway he may as well do the 2.5 and one weekend day that you're suggesting!

Something has to change with this.

My ex has been promoted due to the fact that he doesn't have to worry about childcare - school holidays or anything, (because he expects me to do it all as RP) so his work think he is AWESOME! No other responsibilities, available for overtime, he's heading straight for the top. They even paid for him to go to Portugal for 2 weeks last year, 5 star hotel as a "thank you for all you do". At the same time, over in my world, I had the boys 24/7 in the six weeks holidays, skint, and was laying in bed crying my eyes out with pain and stress, unable to work as I can't afford the holiday clubs.

He won't tell me what he earns now but no flipping WAY is it the starting wage of 16k he was on 6 years ago. No way. He also gigs on the side and can earn up to £200 a night on special event nights.

I'm just waiting until the boys are both teenagers (12 years) so I can start to live a life somewhere close to how he does. I'll be 45.

But it isn't at all fair and legally both parents should pay for what childcare is needed if the RP is expected to work (which she very much is).

@Bibidy

35k is a high earner to me. My salary is 17k pa. I’m not asking him to pay all the fees, I’ve asked him to pay half.

Which 2 nights a week is he having ds?

Friday and Saturday. He won’t take him during the week because his work is too important.

I just played with the Calculator as I'm under a baby and nothing better to do.

This is what it said.

Your child maintenance
calculation is
£69.02 a week or £298.89 a month

Were you/ are you still married to ex number 2

Go through CMS
50/50 or he needs to pay more !

Why should all the negatives be left to you !

50/50 or he needs to pay more !Why should all the negatives be left to you !

It's not that I don't agree. But she can not enforce this. She doesn't have the power.

YABU to take his word for it!

Go the legal route end of.

You can't force him to have his DC during the week or pay the nursery fees. You need to claim through CMS and budget based off that. He can't be deducting petrol either!

It’s disgusting that the government don’t make absent fathers pay for anything towards childcare or even the true cost of raising a child most the time. Hell with 4 billion owed in unpaid child support, they’re not even being forced to pay the basics half the time. It makes me furious, something has to change.

You can claim 85% of childcare fees back for your third child on uc. Just cant gey the child element. Unless you are claiming the max childcare fees for your other kids. Not that that excuses him from supporting his child but as you know, you cant always rely on them

Amber. Unfortunately you can’t if you’re already claiming it for the other 2 children. I work with UC so I know the rules.

Yeah if you are claiming the Max childcare of I think it is around 1100 per month then you cant but if you arent you can definitely claim childcare for your third.

Sorry, just read you have to claim childcare for your older two, so that would be over the 1100 (around) limit.

I don't have any practical advice for you, sorry, but wanted to say that your Ex is a massive arsehole for deducting his petrol costs when he comes to pick up your DS.

My ex earns £50k. He pays me £500pm maintenance PLUS half of childcare costs - although my DS is school age so it's only a small amount in the holidays when no family can help out. He also gives me extra at Christmas and DS's birthday, pays half for a birthday party for DS and gives me extra when it's new school uniform time.

None of this through CMS, he does this voluntarily.

I'm always gobsmacked at how little some NRPs want to contribute. Contact CMS and get what your child deserves.

I've just done the online CMS calculator and input the earnings you said, definitely coming out at £298 a month is he has him 1 or 2 nights a week. Still wont fully cover the childcare fees but will go a good way towards them. As you're a single parent does your youngest get the 15 hours free when they turn 2?

What a Prince.

I’m sorry OP