To ask who pays for childcare if you are separated

[ABC123whatever]

When my ex and I split, he agreed he would fully support our son and pay for any childcare costs incurred when I returned to work after maternity leave. He is a high earner, whereas I’m not as high - he earns double my wage. I also have 2 other children from a previous marriage so I get no Government support for DS (other than CHB) as he’s my 3rd child, born after 06.04.17. I have to claim UC for my 2 eldest children and also claim childcare costs for them. Their father takes nothing to do with them and does not pay any child support. I haven’t seen or heard from him in 3 years.

I did everything with regards to sorting out childcare for DS as EX couldn’t be bothered, and DS started his nursery just over a month ago. I also had to reduce my working hours to 30 per week as the nursery couldn’t accommodate DS full time and EX wasn’t willing to provide any childcare during the week, so I am losing around £4000 pa from my salary.

The first invoice from the nursery came in last week so I informed him that the fees are to be paid. He’s now saying he’s not paying. I tried to compromise and said I’d pay half and suggested we split DS care 50/50, meaning he would be responsible for DS 2.5 week days and 1 weekend day. I’d do the same. He’s still refusing.

www.gov.uk/calculate-child-maintenance

put the figures in there, OP

I’m going to contact the CMS later when I finish work to query this. I’m wondering if they’ve maybe made a mistake with the amount of nights and that’s why they’ve calculated so low.

I’m in Scotland so yes, DS will get the free childcare but he’s only 10 months old just now so I’ve a while to wait for that unfortunately.

You can claim for his childcare through UC if your current costs are below the maximum (around 1,100 a month I'm sure)

putting the figures in the online calculator and assuming he has no other children (of his) living with him, He should be paying £298 a month...as others have said.

In my experience it's best to get CMS involved so there is a record even if you come to an agreement amicably. That way if he doesn't pay there is some recourse.

Good luck.

Thing is, even if he pays the £298, that's still less than half the childcare and the child needs a roof, food and clothes too. As pp have said, way too many nrps get to look like superheroes for having their kids 4 days a month, only on weekends and get to progress at work or at least not have struggle and juggle work and childcare. My ex is a distance away (his choice) and his parents think he's so put upon travelling eow. He hasn't done a school run in 5 years, or a sick day, concert, World book day costume, money for this and that collection, hobbies, parties.... The system is v v broken in this country.

If he does earn 35k he's still paying too little. My ex-h is on 35k and based on having DD 2 nights a week he still has to pay me 300 per month based on CMS rates

I knew you could not get UC for a third child but not even the childcare element? how are people supposed to make a living esp lone parents? nothing happens to the dad but the mum is picking the tab up again.

@curlsnotfrizz

Yes UC only pay for 2 children on the claim and childcare element of £1100 for up to 2 children. My ccc’s are almost maxed because of the afterschool care I need to put DD’s into. £200 a week they cost. I’d be better off unemployed and renting. But because I work and have a mortgage I’m totally penalised. I work with UC and I absolutely hate it.

Seems totally unfair. Now that they’ve stopped top up benefits for the third child they need to put better laws in place so the other parent can’t shirk their responsibilities.

Are/were you married to your ex? If you’re not yet divorced you could see if you can get court ordered maintenance.

The thing is under UC they won’t let you just pack in your job. Even if you can’t afford to work it. You cannot go backwards, you’ll need a better paying job.
And he can deduct petrol money for the pick up, the CMS do include it even if he moved away and in my ex’s case his company pay for the bloody petrol !

I don't know of any country with a perfect system. Ultimately prosecuting NRPs for nonpayment would cost millions in tax payer money in legal fees. Most people aren't going to be willing to vote for that. Rightly or wrongly it's seen as the individual's responsibility to assess whether or not to have children with someone.

At any rate I thought on UC you only had to work 16 hours? Maybe that's an option to cut down the nursery bill?

@Rootd that’s very helpful but what should OP do now in this situation as there isn’t the ability to put the baby back.
Also I would vote for a system that deals with NRP more fairly. They should pay half of what it actually costs to bring up a child not what they can ‘afford’ as the RP has to afford it.

He is onto something that he can deduct petrol costs, but it’s not the full cost of petrol from the maintenance. He can deduct the cost of the petrol from his earnings.
I.e if he spends £1000 a year on petrol & earns £35k then the calc is based on £34k of earnings.
He can’t take the full £1k off what he pays you.

Now that they’ve stopped top up benefits for the third child they need to put better laws in place so the other parent can’t shirk their responsibilities

Both parents should be responsible not just one surely.

The rule and changes wouldn’t have been needed if people didn’t keep extending their family whilst already on benefits. It’s not an unfair rule, people not claiming have to limit their families to what they can afford too.

He needs to pay child support in line with the CMS rules but he doesn’t have to pay childcare on top.

Maybe a CM would be cheaper, that’s an expensive after school club.

Can I ask what is the rule for UC and childcare.. what happens if you don’t need childcare for eldest but have two younger ones ? Can you only ever claim for the eldest two? What if the youngest had s different dad and they were separated.. was the dad s only child.. could he then claim for childcare costs? Is so confusing

@LGY1 is right regarding the fuel costs.

My ex tried to do that. I told him to go to cmd as he said it costs him 520 per year. Hoped it would reduced cms by £10pm. I knew this was wrong.
Anyway they took the 520pa off his salary.

It reduced it by £4.33pm. In the end.
Thing is he was so nasty about it that I never forgot how horrible he was.
Funny thing was a month later his car was broke so Had to get the train back with ds if normally then go collect ds from station so his dad could jump back on a train.
My answer that time was ' nope, you have a reduction based on bringing him home, the number 5 bus goes from station to my house. See you at 6pm.

Best bit was after 6pm.the service was 2 hourly.. I knew he'd wait for nr 2 hours. I actually took great pleasure in keep spying out the window at him looking pissed off.

That was a bit of karma for the DV and EA he put me through yrs before and for thinking he could take £10 a week away from his son when he knew he could afford it but I was only part time being a lone parent.

Unfortunately he doesn't have to pay for childcare....you pay for childcare on your days...

@Rootd that 16 hour thing with uc is nonsense. After the deduction is made from my UC for the earnings taper, I get around £230 a month. My wage is £1100 a month. I get £150 maintenance and £192 chb. I get no help with housing costs. I have to pay my mortgage, council tax, utilities, broadband, phone, all other bills, feed myself and 3 kids, buy their clothes, travel and pay the 15% of childcare costs for DD’s. I don’t get free school meals or clothing grants because I earn just over the threshold. There is just no way I can afford DS nursery fees on top of all that. I would honestly be better off not working.

@FlapAttack23 - you can claim childcare for any 2 children on the claim.

But because I claim it for my eldest 2 and the afterschool care in their school is £20 per child per day, I can’t claim it for my baby.

I get you're in a tough situation. If you're after suggestions we might be able to help. I also get it if you just need to vent. You're relationship has fallen apart and now you have 3 children to support. It's not easy.

Fucking hell!

Why is it always women who end up in shit situations when kids are involved? These men have no morals at all. Don't they care about the children they create?

I often wonder what would happen if the mother refused to take the children back and decided to be the one that paid the CMS and have the child eow to give them a taste of their own medicine.

There needs to be a campaign for 50/50 split of childcare costs on top of CMS tbh. It’s mostly mothers that get shafted with the full cost so they can work. It’s disgusting.

Did you call CMS?

He is 100% not allowed to take £30 or even £3 off what they say he should pay you. It may even be backdated, does he pay into your bank?

The money they say MUST go to you for your baby. What you spend it on is up to you.

Call them I think you'll be better off.

Thank you @Rootd. I’m good with budgeting my money, I need to be really.

It’s just shit that he’s earning double what I earn but still refuses to help out with DS childcare costs which is probably going to end up with me having to give up work as the fees won’t get paid then I’ll lose the nursery place.

He lives in a 1 bed rented flat which is no more than £400 a month in rent and unless he’s gotten into major debt since we split, doesn’t really have to pay anything else except his car and the £150 a month he pays in maintenance. He must have a fair bit of disposable income or even enough to at least pay for half of the fees 🤷🏽‍♀️