to feel so upset about this? *trigger - child death*

[RagamuffinAndFidget]

I'll try to keep this brief. I'd just like to know if I'm BU to feel sad in this situation.

One of my DC died very suddenly last year in a horrific accident. I will never recover from the trauma of that day, and I am still working on some pretty significant mental health issues as a result. So I don't always know if I'm responding rationally. Which leads me to my actual question...

My Dad posted a photo on Facebook yesterday of all 5 of my step-siblings' children playing together, with a comment saying "5 out of 7 grandchildren". It's a lovely photo, etc, but...

He should have 8 grandchildren. Seeing that comment has devastated me, I can see all the signs of a very bad day ahead now. I feel quite angry with my Dad but I don't know if I should. I still say that I have 3 DC. They will always be my child, even though they are no longer here. AIBU to be affected so badly by this?

I think he might have thought that posting '5 out of 8' might sound more as if he was being mawkish over your DC, making a point and he would be afraid that that would be hurtful? If he's lovely, that's more likely.

Speak to him and just say, if you could avoid using 'numbers' like that I would appreciate it.

I would post a photo of your dc in comments with a sentence like ‘6 out of 8 grandchildren’. Referring to number of grandchildren in this way is horribly insensitive and unnecessary in my opinion.
I lost my second child to stillbirth and so I understand how insensitive people can be.
I wish you lots of love and strength xx

@Sacredspace I think that's what got me - there was no need to refer to the total number at all. All of this could have been avoided

I honestly don’t know how you make it through the day anyway; this situation must have made just doing that 1000 x harder and it needs to be explained to him to avoid that happening again. Hopefully he will pass the message on to other family members. Your child existed, and exists still within your memories/heart/life and to thoughtlessly suggest otherwise is devastating,

I am so sorry for your loss.

So sorry that he's upset you like this op and sorry for your devastating loss

I've had many similar conversations with my family. My DS died shortly after birth and I hate him being excluded. What I've learnt from talking with my husband about how we refer to him as he does think about it differently to me.

I will always say I'm a Mum to 3. For my husband there's a difference between has and which he finds important. So if someone asks him how many children he has he'll say 2 but if someone asks him how many children he's had he'll say 3. Could it be similar?

It took me a while to get my head around and not be hurt by it, but it's just how his mind works.

Oh big virtual hugs. I think this may be the worse pain anybody has to endure. You won't get over it but in time it won't feel as Raw as it does now.
Your dad has been insensitive but as you say he is
a good dad so although it hurts like hell if wasn't meant with intent. Some people are just really factual.

Hi op

I lost my little girl 25yrs ago, I'm some way down the road I know, you don't and won't forget. But time and the world keeping on turning works to make the edges less sharp most days.

But there will be times when it's only yesterday, and the best advise I can give is to just let it roll over you like a wave, feel the grief because it then rolls away again.

My little girl had my ex husbands late mums name as a middle name. I found out by accident a few years ago , that one of his daughters had been given her name as well. My first thought once alone was, that he wanted a live child to
Have her name.

I suppose he's entitled to do as he wants, I'll quietly never forgive him for that
💐

I managed to keep a straight face and say that's nice dead etc, but afterwards for in our

@Guiltypleasures001

That’s extremely difficult for you re the name; just wanted to say I’m sorry for your loss and I’m sorry for that additional grief.