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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask if you enjoy time with your children?

77 replies

ShadowMoonlight · 01/03/2020 20:21

I’ve NC as this is obviously a contentious.

I love my DS (2 1/2) and he brings some fun to my life but mostly I just find it a dredge.

When he was born I found it incredibly hard in a way I didn’t expect. He didn’t like being put down and would cry, which meant someone was always holding him. After 4 months of this we moved to cosleeping until he was 2. As I also breastfed for that amount of time, I had very little sleep.

Now he sleeps (mostly) very well in his bed but I still find him hard work. I actively look forward to work to get away and don’t know what do with him on my days off with him (I work part time).

He’s a sweetie and mostly (!) well behaved but he can be very clingy and I just don’t want to spend time with him and feel terrible about it. And his DF (we’ve very recently separated) is hands on so I’m not with him round the clock but I still don’t find our time together enjoyable. Just more of a chore I need to fulfil. It’s definitely better than it was at the baby stages but I still find it miserable.

Please tell me it becomes better with age! Do you enjoy spending time with your child(ren)? I want to feel that surge or excitement people feel and I just don’t have it.

OP posts:

WinterCat · 01/03/2020 20:24

Yes, I generally do but there can be tough days or moments.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 01/03/2020 20:27

I do now but I found it harder when he was a toddler. I was a SAHM so it felt a bit like Groundhog day for a while.

I much prefer it now he's older (nearly 7), he goes to school and I work - part time school hours. I really look forward to getting him from school and doing things in the evenings and at weekends.

Original poster

ShadowMoonlight · 01/03/2020 20:27

@WinterCat did you enjoy them from birth or did it all fall in place at a later date?

OP posts:

Namechangexyz1 · 01/03/2020 20:28

Small children are really very boring.
Don't feel bad

Original poster

ShadowMoonlight · 01/03/2020 20:29

Thanks @Waxonwaxoff0 I really hope that’s how it will be. He’s lovely and I adore him, but trying to convince myself that building another train track or painting another dinosaur is exhausting and I just want to spend my time with other adults.

OP posts:

TwoZeroTwoZero · 01/03/2020 20:30

I like being with my dc, talking to them and listening to their ideas and their conversations with each other. I don't like the near constant bickering though and the neverending requests for snacks. I also struggle with the mess they make, although I do try my best to ignore it and get them to tidy up at the end of the day.

TakeMeToYourLiar · 01/03/2020 20:31

It gets better once they can chat. You can see the world through their eyes, they also start to play alone more

Syrinx89 · 01/03/2020 20:32

Sorry, nothing really to contribute here as I'm childfree. I start to wonder whether there's something wrong with me for not wanting kids and then threads come along like this to remind about how hard work they are, and I just know I'm not cut out for it! I do sympathise though OP and I'm sure you're doing a fab job.... And I'm sure it does get easier?! Fingers crossed for you! 🤞😊

Murrfect · 01/03/2020 20:32

I love spending time with him now but he is 19 n at uni so it’s not so often

I really enjoyed 8-13 but before that it was sometimes the happiest time ever and sometimes just making sure he was alive, happy n thriving and I found it pretty tough at times. I was a single mum from the beginning. One thing I would say is at that age a lot of my mum friends were terribly yummy mummy, perfect housewives found it hard letting their perfect babies grow up whereas I have loved him more n more.

MuddyPuddlesAndPrettyBubbles · 01/03/2020 20:32

I generally enjoy them far more outdoors. Also DD is 5 and can have a proper conversation now, which makes her a lot more fun to be around. It does get easier when they can chat and don't whine as much.

TwoZeroTwoZero · 01/03/2020 20:33

When they were a lot younger though I found being a parent to be very boring and stressful. I never realised until I had two young children very close in age just how much I hate being needed and having so many demands placed on me. It's got easier as they've grown up a bit and are able to sort themselves out more and actually help with some of the household chores.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 01/03/2020 20:34

I get you. I struggled with all of that. I much prefer the activities we do now he's older - going to the cinema, baking, playing monopoly. It's a lot more fun when you can have proper conversations with them. And I can leave DS to entertain himself now too sometimes if I have things to do.

GogoGobo · 01/03/2020 20:34

I’ve always enjoyed the company of my DS. There were small pockets of time when I found myself bored stiff by some of the play (around 2-3 years old) but in the main there isn’t really anyone I’d rather spend time with! He’s 9 now and it’s got better so if you don’t feel it now there’s plenty of time to love their company

twolittleboysonetiredmum · 01/03/2020 20:35

I’ve spent all weekend feeling awful that I’m not enjoying my kids more 😂 they’re bloody tedious and selfish at times and whine almost constantly as well as bicker (there are 3 of them). You are not alone! We tend to have better times when we aren’t at home. I find stuff at home pretty dull and am not very good at playing with children either.

Original poster

ShadowMoonlight · 01/03/2020 20:35

Thank you everyone. I’m glad it’s not me. I feel like I’m doing something wrong as colleagues often say how much they loved the toddler stage.

OP posts:

SignOnTheWindow · 01/03/2020 20:36

Now they're older and just about to hit their teens, I genuinely love being with them.

Obviously, I loved them when they were toddlers, but they were fucking exhausting and I found playing toddler games really hard work.

TorchesTorches · 01/03/2020 20:38

I agree twozerozero, I have 2 kids close together and I also discovered that I hate being needed. The constant demands are so draining. I am looking forward to the time when they can sort themselves out! Apparently women whose children have left home are much happier than those with kids at home...

CarolineIngalls · 01/03/2020 20:39

Toddlers can be boring. I enjoy playing with dolls for 20 minutes, but it gets repetitive. It is okay for that to be boring. We spend a lit of time out of the house. Some people will guilt you and say "why did you have kids if you didn't want role play frozen all day?" Ignore those people, they are assholes. I have teenagers and they are more interesting. I adore them all. It all goes really fast, and this will pass. It has also been a bloody long winter, soon we'll all get out more.

FickleTickle · 01/03/2020 20:39

My son has always been an easy child whose company I very much enjoy. My daughter was a little more capricious but I did enjoy her. Not so much during the teen years mind you but as she becomes an adult she is lovely company again.

I wouldn't go back to the baby stage (under 4) for all the tea in China mind you. I had a nightmare last night where I had another baby, I was so relieved to wake up!

SuperMumTum · 01/03/2020 20:40

Baby/toddler stage was very tedious and repetitive. Now my youngest is 4 we all have a nice time together. These days I'd rather be with my kids than anyone else. Being a single parent to 2 bright, chatty kids is the best.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 01/03/2020 20:41

I enjoyed toddler ds because he has asd so just wanted company but would play by himself. Occasionally id get to help him build a train track in brio or duplo.

Toddler Dd was really tough. Really clingy. I really started to enjoy her at christmas when she had just turned 5.

TokyoSushi · 01/03/2020 20:41

Mine are 6&8 and I genuinely love it, but there were some rough times in the toddler years!

Alicesweewonders · 01/03/2020 20:42

I feel the same, my child is nearly 2 and it can definitely be groundhog day most days. I try & play with her but she has the attend span of a goldfish. So she'll throw me a book but before I've finished the first line, she's off doing something else.

She also had to have her favourite program on or she won't be happy, even though she's not really watching it half the time.

It may sound bad but i swear if I didn't have my phone where I could at least read the news or go on Mumsnet etc I'd just lose my mind!

pollysproggle · 01/03/2020 20:45

No there's never a dull moment with my 3 year old. Dreading him starting school this year and being away from him. He's like my little side kick, I find him very entertaining and he has me laughing all day.
I don't like being away from him at all quite frankly.
My teenager however I find exhausting in day to day life and I feel like I need a break from him sometimes. I enjoy him if we're doing something together but the monotony of day to day with his teenage ways is very stressful.

CherryPavlova · 01/03/2020 20:46

I love time with my children still. Always have but then for much of my working life I chose to work with children and families.
I don’t understand how anyone can think it’s boring. Happiness is curling up in front of a fire with a book box and a little one or two.

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