To ask if you enjoy time with your children?

[ShadowMoonlight]

I’ve NC as this is obviously a contentious.

I love my DS (2 1/2) and he brings some fun to my life but mostly I just find it a dredge.

When he was born I found it incredibly hard in a way I didn’t expect. He didn’t like being put down and would cry, which meant someone was always holding him. After 4 months of this we moved to cosleeping until he was 2. As I also breastfed for that amount of time, I had very little sleep.

Now he sleeps (mostly) very well in his bed but I still find him hard work. I actively look forward to work to get away and don’t know what do with him on my days off with him (I work part time).

He’s a sweetie and mostly (!) well behaved but he can be very clingy and I just don’t want to spend time with him and feel terrible about it. And his DF (we’ve very recently separated) is hands on so I’m not with him round the clock but I still don’t find our time together enjoyable. Just more of a chore I need to fulfil. It’s definitely better than it was at the baby stages but I still find it miserable.

Please tell me it becomes better with age! Do you enjoy spending time with your child(ren)? I want to feel that surge or excitement people feel and I just don’t have it.

I love hanging out with my 5 year old, I genuinely enjoy his company. I found it very hard work (although sometimes adorable) until he was about 4.

Yes, I've always enjoyed spending time with my dc - I guess I've just been lucky, I have never found it hard work. I know some people do!

For the most part. It can be and is exhausting And sometimes when I’m alone with the baby, lonely and boring, but my children bring me so much love that I honestly find it a joy most of the time.

I love going to Museums, or On walks with my eldest son, we can have more interesting conversations about his interests.

I love having a bath with my middle son whilst he tells me about his day, so earnestly and hilariously describing his encounters.

I love holding, smelling and kissing the baby. I go to playgroups a lot with him and he is so happy and smiley.

I love family time with all of us, and husband piled round the table, or on the sofa, or at park.

I also love it, when they go to bed and my husband and I have time to be alone, and enjoy the peace which is rare when you have three young sons!

I love my dc and spending time with them but I also really love doing my own thing without them.
This may sound a bit cold but I don’t think it comes across like that In real life - but I almost treat my dcs like a work project when I’m having a hard day. I have a tick list of things to do with them and time slots to spend with them then just get through it with them. It usually ends up being enjoyable and fun.
Because I’m not a naturally tactile person, I include cuddles and hugs on my checklist too.
As they’re getting older, it’s getting easier.

I found the first 5 months with my twin daughters hellishly difficult, due to severe PND. Then their Dad fucked off and it was just us. After that, PND abated and I can honestly say I've loved being with them since. It's bloody tough with zero help or support, but I bloody adore my girls and am really enjoying their second year. I don't judge anyone for not enjoying time with their children, but it hasn't been the case for me.

I found it bone crushingly awful. Most of those early years. I actually ground my teeth down with the hopeless boredom of it. You aren’t alone.

Here's a batshit idea, but here goes.

So I think I would find the toddler stuff way more boring except that I'm learning my husband's native language and we're both trying to re-enforce it at home with our almost-2 year old. It's like my home "project", challenging myself to speak as much of that language as possible at home.

And in a weird way, because all of her story books, cartoons, games, role play etc are in a language that I'm learning too, I feel a lot more stimulated. Like I'll happily sit down and watch toddler cartoons or endlessly read simple story books and I still feel stimulated too because I'm learning and growing alongside her, linguistically speaking. And she gets the benefit of me enthusiastically interacting with her.

So maybe if you ever fancy learning a second language and doing it along with your toddler, then that could be a solution to your boredom. You could both learn together and honestly, stuff like Peppa Pig becomes way more interesting when it's in a different language and you realise you're picking up vocabulary from it.

I walk my DS (nearly 3) twice a day rain or shine, like having a dog. He has a scooter and goes everywhere on it. It makes us both much happier if we get some fresh air, and now that he chats more it also gives us more things to chat about and seems to inspire games to act out at home. I still look forward to my work days though!

@Aufgehts that's a brilliant idea! Might have to try something like that.

No I don't on the whole OP. I just feel trapped.

This may sound a bit cold but I don’t think it comes across like that In real life - but I almost treat my dcs like a work project when I’m having a hard day. I have a tick list of things to do with them and time slots to spend with them then just get through it with them. It usually ends up being enjoyable and fun.

Absolutely this. Occasionally it gets to 9am on my days off with my DS and I feel a slight creeping dread that we have to fill 8 hours or so but I divide the day into slots like - I'll have an hour playing with him with Homes Under The Hammer, then I will take him for a walk and stop off for a coffee while he naps. Back for an hour, then lunch. Another hour or so play and then another nap. Afternoon snack. And so on. I try and take him out in the car a bit further afield once or twice a week to visit friends, National Trust etc.

I absolutely hated the baby stage, everything about it was awful, I cried every day and ended up on anti depressants for 6mths shortly after DS turned 1.
Probably about 2wks into taking them I was a completely different person, just back to my old self. DS is now 26mths and I absolutely adore him, he's so funny and I adore being with him. I still feel guilty about the year I lost and even more so as we've been unable to conceive a 2nd so I'll never get the chance again.

I’m not saying I didn’t enjoy those toddler years with my children but I definitely wouldn’t want to go though them again. I am loving it has they get older and I can go shopping and for lunch with my teen girl. All go cinema play board games watch proper films together. You go through different stages with your children as they grow and I’m sure your gonna enjoy some stages more than others!

I enjoy my DC as they get older although they are younger than your DC. I work full time so only have 3 days a week with him which sometimes feels like enough and other times seems relentless. I do feel so guilty that he spends 4 days at nursery as on these days I see him for about 2 hours a day (and once or twice a night 🤦🏻‍♀️). But he absolutely loves nursery and it's so good for him the guilt doesn't stay long. Nursery gives him so much more stimulation than I ever could.

I always thought "why have kids if you are going to send them to nursery so much" and I still wonder why (particularly as now I don't need to work financially but mentally I need adult time and I'm too scared to take the leap into full time parenting). I still wonder why I had kids, or why anyone has kids. They bring so much joy to my life when I do see them but surely it selfish to have kids for that reason. But then, no one has kids to solely ensure the population continues (am I making sense?)

I'm torn between wanting him to grow up so he can feed himself, wipe his own bum, sit down and watch a film with me etc and wanting to stop time and have him this little forever. It's a mindfuck really.

My dd is a toddler and I genuinely enjoy spending time with her. Partly I think because I had a long gap between dc (my eldest is an adult) and dd will be my last, so I know how quickly the younger years go by, and I really value each day I have with her (especially as we struggled to conceive).

I'm a sahm but we go out to led classes and activities twice a day and that helps a lot - it means I'm not thinking about what to do with her, we just pack up for the day and the leader tells us what to do, which songs to sing and has arranged all props/toys. So there's always new things to do, but I don't have to organise it, or clear up the mess, and the teachers are great at keeping me motivated even when I'm tired or not feeling enthusiastic. And I get to see other adults every day, although I spend most of my time focused on dd. At weekends we go out with DH, mostly to museums, galleries and (toddler) theatre shows - we're lucky that there's a huge range within easy travelling distance as we're in London. It's expensive but it's an essential cost for me as it saves my mental health. So I'd definitely recommend looking at what classes/activities you can do nearby, or within travelling distance. The Hoop app is great for finding out what's available locally.

I really enjoy hanging out with my children when everything else is taken care of and I have literally nothing else to do.
I find it really hard to push my to-do list to the back of my mind and immerse myself in their play. But when I do, god it's fantastic. Mine are 1 and 3.

I have a nearly 2 year old, who I love more than I ever thought possible.

But yes I find spending time with her hard and often say my “day off” is the hardest day of my week.

I find when I’m with DC I have a kind of anxiety about her kicking off and a deeper anxiety about anything bad happening to her

I’m reassured by so many people saying it gets easier or more fun.

Things that help me:

• regular time to myself, to do my sport
• establishment of good bedtime routine so I have evenings to myself (unless teething / sick)
• spending time outdoors- DC seems much happier outdoors and it’s less stressful for me (in the house she just wants to watch telly or empty all my cupboards / trash the house). Once weather slightly better I intend to give her her meals outside (picnics out and about or high chair in garden) as mealtimes are a stressful thing for me (she’s a food/plate thrower...) and outside I don’t need to worry so much about mess

Yes I do. I think because I was an older mum to just one child. She's 10 now. Great age. She is also such a great kid.

Yes, I'm lucky that he was a very easy baby and is (so far!) an easy toddler too.

Going back to work made me enjoy time with him more (I work full days so I drop him at nursery and then he's in bed by the time I get home). The days I don't work I make sure we do something, usually in a group setting so I don't have to think about it (currently that's messy play, swimming and a story group at the local library). It gives him a change of scenery, he enjoys it and it breaks my day up a bit. Weekends are more relaxed, we'll normally go for a walk (wellies and puddlesuits at the moment) or park or something, see grandparents/cousins etc. again just to break the monotony of it all. I still have flashbacks to entertaining him at home for a whole week with chickenpox. I liked him less then

I have a 3 year old. (And a 8 year old). With the 3 year old I find two things are important:

• encouraging and facilitating independent play in bursts. So I will read a book, say Tiger Who Came to Tea and then set up a small ‘tea party’ and leave him to it. Maybe I will start him off and then I’ll say ‘I have a few jobs’ and step away. The more you practise this, the better they get. Start off with 10 mins, come back and join in, and then step away. Rinse and repeat. If it’s getting boring, add something - water, playdough to extend the play. It’s a really important skill to teach children not just for your sanity but it’s a skill that has to be actively taught. You can do it with anything- Happyland toys, building blocks.
• I have a plan for the day on my day off. Wake up, breakfast, read some books, play some simple board games. Snack. Head out for playgroup. Come back. Lunch. Quiet time with books. Some independent play. Then maybe some painting. Play with some train tracks. Head back outside to the park for a run around. Come back for snack. School run for the oldest. And so on.

In general he’s great fun and I love watching him learn and absorb stuff constantly. I also make him do chores with me which helps. We cook together, empty the dishwasher, load and unload the laundry. He can even help me wash some non breakable dishes.

What @catsjammies said, 100 times over. The thing that prevents me from enjoying time with my kids (also 1 and 3) is thinking of all the other things I should be doing. When I just go with the flow they’re amazing.

I also loathe all the housework bits of looking after young kids - cooking, tidying, hoovering, washing

Don't worry OP, the kids in our house are getting older now and they are the ones who don't want to spend time with us now the roles reverse and you'll become less cool to be around, as me and DH are discovering!

Good to see this time passes. I never felt it was groundhog when I had one DC. She was 6 when DS was born, she was my best mate we played, painted, laughed. I mourned our relationship for months when DS was born, he cried none stop the entire time, wouldn't be put down. He is a very demanding volatile DC and wont be 2nd ever he has SN.
Unfortunately DD's personality was pushed out. For me I think the balance is a struggle.

Small children are a bore. I was dilligent and attentive at that stage because I loved them, not because I loved playing with wooden trains.

They became great company as they got older, and I wouldn't take any of it back. But I want nothing more to do with children now. I will not babysit and even struggle to smile at them on the train. I'm now of those people.