DH hates it when I go out

[Babybundle007]

AIBU to think this is very childish behaviour from DH...…...he HATES it when I go out with friends, to town, for a meal or for a drink with the girls. He doesn't get angry, just petulant and moody and quiet. When I ask him (wearily) what's wrong, he says "nothing! I'm alright." And then continues his sulky silence.

It really makes me cross. It's like having a selfish child hanging around. Tonight I'm going with a girly friend to see "Emma" at the cinema, followed by a meal and perhaps a few drinks. Nothing mad, we're not going to paint the town red. But I got the run-down of 101 questions. "Where are you going to eat?" "Who are you going with?" And then, when I told him...……….."Oh right. Her."

And the bit that really fucks me off more than anything is that we otherwise have a good marriage. We're loving, we're good friends, we have a healthy sex life. Why does he get so jealous and silly about me going out? It's not even as if I go out much at all...…...I think I average one night out once every three to four months!

I honestly am cross with him for behaving like a child and being so fucking selfish in this matter. It's almost like he's punishing me for going out, with friends. He doesn't like it either if I dress up to go out; he'll say things like "you don't dress up for me!" and "you look nice," (but in a grumpy, sulky way that clearly means "behave yourself.")

Aaaargghhhhh!!!!!

My husband was like that when we were young. I soon told him his future if he carried on. It didn’t stop him completely but he was much better. My daughters partner is like this but he has come out of a relationship where his partner cheated repeatedly. She still doesn’t let him get away with it though.

There are a depressing number of posters putting up with this shit.

It is controlling
It is abusive
It is unacceptable

All of you saying you have a good marriage apart from this one issue, if I gave you a drink that only had a couple of drops of poison in it then would you still drink it?

Don't let someone make you feel bad for going out with your friends. He should want you to have a good time, to enjoy yourself. Don't buy any of this insecure bs either, it's just another way to exert control.

This is divorceable behaviour, please consider if you want a prison warden for a husband

Don't ignore it. Ask him straight out: "Why do you sulk when I go out? Do you think it's going to discourage me from going? Well it isn't. Do you think it's ok to behave this way? It isn't. Do you think women shouldn't ne allowed to go out without their male partner? Why? Are you fron the 1950s?"

Unless he accepts immediately how absurd and controlling he's being and stops it straight away, make plans to ltb.

Have you talked about this with him? Like actually asked "are you asking because you are hoping to manipulate me into staying home with you and never having anything fun with my friends?". Since you are saying that otherwise you have a good marriage (aside of him coming across controlling and manipulative ) so maybe talking and calling him out on it could be helpful or at least would confirm that he is in fact hoping you'd never leave the house.

My abusive ex started off like this. Then it progressed to wanting pics and almost continuous texts throughout the night.
Then it ended up where he would make excuses like he wouldn't be back from work in time to have the DC, or would be dying from a cold, or some other physical reason why I could not leave.
Over a 7 year period I must have gone 'out' maybe 6 times without him.
It did wear me down and in the end I gave up on my freedom.
My new DP encourages me to go out with my friends, offers to give me a lift there and if hes still up a lift back, doesn't over communicate whilst I'm out and tells me I look lovely. Total opposite of my ex.
If hes not otherwise abusive in your relationship OP I would be confronting him about his childish behaviour and telling him how it makes you feel

I just cannot begin to imagine what it would be like to be with someone who is like this, nothing could be further from my marriage. We holiday together, we holiday seperately - me with my best friend, him with sports mates. We are in a happy marriage and do loads of things together and with friends, but we are seperate people too with different interests, and have different friends as well as joint ones.

I would feel like a caged animal but TBH I wouldn't know, because I wouldn't even put up with it once.

Oof. He's trying to make it difficult for you to go out, but why? He needs therapy about his control issues and why he is so insecure before he has a relationship.
Good luck if you stay with this baby man.

Same here. My x started off like this.

He would text me asking me where the the sieve was. And the texts got more agitated if I didn't reply instantly. So basically on a night out I had to be checked in with him every moment.
If I had done that to HIM though, wow. I would have got short shrift.

This isn't a good, healthy marriage though. This is controlling behaviour. I believe if you are honest with yourself you would find controlling behaviour in other areas too.
I also bet that you'd go out more than every 3 months if he didn't behave like this.

Wow there are so many of these threads recently and even in the replies too. It's not right. There's so many different views on how to deal with it I guess it's up to you op.

But in a good relationship you encourage time with each other's friends or outside interests as it's healthy to be apart. It's so important to live how you want to and not be dictated to! Even passive aggressively.

How did your night go @Babybundle007?

Well of course I suppose it's possible that he needs you to point out to him that he's behaving unacceptably, and once you've done so he'll become all reasonable and get over himself.

Or, like 99.99% recurring of controlling arseholes, the only thing that will change is that his controlling behaviour will get worse and worse.

Like a PP said - far too many women on these boards settling for life with abusers.

It sounds awful. I can't stand sulky moody men. It's so childish.

TBF I can't stand moody silly women either but that's not what we are dealing with here.

Dear Gods, why be with someone who clearly hates you enjoying yourself and actively tries to spoil your fun? Why spend your life with someone who feels threatened when you're happy ffs? My ex was like this, I lost count of all the occasions he ruined with his sulking and petulant behaviour. I tried for years to help him get over his insecurities. In the end it was just too much fucking hard work and I realised it wasn't my responsibility to fix him. Dumped.

Partner gets face on when I want to see my friends

hi everyone! I’m a mum to a 4mo LB

i like to see my friends once a week for perhaps an hour or two at a time
my LB stops at my MIL once a week I have him 9-5pm on my own whilst my partner works mon- Friday I then have him usually Saturday and Sunday all day and I’m on my own with him from 5pm-1/2am Saturday and Sunday as my partner works at night.

tonight my friend has asked if I would like to join her to grab some food and. Go for a little drive and a catch up, when mentioning this to my partner he immediately became annoyed - he wont admint he is but his whole deminor changes - at first he suggested I take LO out ( in the car ) with us! As he ‘ sleeps well in the car’ I wouldn’t feel comfortable
doing this as if im going to be out for an hour I hate leaving LO in his car seat due to the risk of asphyxiation
it just transpired into a huge disagreement I said it feels like every time I go out it’s an issue ( when I do go out he often rings me and says he struggles to cope with LO ) resulting in me returning home.

i just need to know if I am in the wrong! And if I am I will take full accountability but at this moment in time I am
constantly questioning myself! I feel like whenever I do leave I feel immense mum guilt and like. Bad partner

please I need to know if I am the problem! Im
only young ( early 20’s) this is our first child.

thank you

hi everyone! I’m a mum to a 4mo LB

i like to see my friends once a week for perhaps an hour or two at a time
my LB stops at my MIL once a week I have him 9-5pm on my own whilst my partner works mon- Friday I then have him usually Saturday and Sunday all day and I’m on my own with him from 5pm-1/2am Saturday and Sunday as my partner works at night.

tonight my friend has asked if I would like to join her to grab some food and. Go for a little drive and a catch up, when mentioning this to my partner he immediately became annoyed - he wont admint he is but his whole deminor changes - at first he suggested I take LO out ( in the car ) with us! As he ‘ sleeps well in the car’ I wouldn’t feel comfortable
doing this as if im going to be out for an hour I hate leaving LO in his car seat due to the risk of asphyxiation
it just transpired into a huge disagreement I said it feels like every time I go out it’s an issue ( when I do go out he often rings me and says he struggles to cope with LO ) resulting in me returning home.

i just need to know if I am in the wrong! And if I am I will take full accountability but at this moment in time I am
constantly questioning myself! I feel like whenever I do leave I feel immense mum guilt and like. Bad partner

please I need to know if I am the problem! Im
only young ( early 20’s) this is our first child.

thank you

Leave him.

See this is a hard one for me as he can be absolutely fantastic, loves me and LO so much and we have a mortgage together, it’s just these instances where he’s like a different man

Tell him you will not read context: if he says he's fine, then he is. If he says you look nice (even in a grumpy way) accept it as a compliment and skip out the door.
It's a bit of a red flag though, why is he trying to isolate you?

@ThisSpryFawn you need to start a new thread for this. Most posters will reply to the old original post without realising how out of date it is and that you've resurrected it with your own question.