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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was this weird at best - possibly triggering

102 replies

MadameBee · 28/02/2020 20:16

20 odd years ago I had just found out I was pregnant with my 2nd child, my DD.

I went to the GP (in NZ) to confirm the pregnancy I guess and my EXH was there.

GP was a guy about 55/60 (don’t know if this is relevant) and I was 23.

He insisted on giving me an internal examination (I was about 7/8 weeks pregnant) while my ex watched (no curtain or anything) but (this is the weird bit) the GP made me lie on my side and put the speculum in from behind (so my arse was facing Ex) while explaining to Ex that this way was a lot easier.

To this day it makes me feel really yuck and at the time I felt like the GP was getting off in this.

Firstly the examination was totally unnecessary and the way he did it was almost pervy?

Has anyone else ever had an examination like that?

Have I over thought this?

OP posts:
Sagradafamiliar · 28/02/2020 21:47

It just sounds really old fashioned, but legit.
I'm sorry you felt that way, I'd have felt the same Flowers

Bookoffacts · 28/02/2020 21:50

Also, thinking about it now, it also happened when my cervix was checked for cancer which was thankfully clear.
And the worse - on separate occasion when the long disgusting dildo with camera (probe?) was inserted to check for fibroids. Not pregnant or birthing for either.

He was checking your cervix.

Original poster
MadameBee · 28/02/2020 21:51

I think you're overthinking this massively. I lay on my side for smears, as it's less painful for me - this is probably what the GP meant when he told you it would be easier

Easier for who? Considering the VE wasn’t necessary there were no concerns, I knew I was pregnant. I hadn’t stated that I had any issues with VE’s.

OP posts:
Original poster
MadameBee · 28/02/2020 21:53

I have had my cervix check (afterwards) the “usual” way.

Maybe I should have said how uncomfortable I felt. I was young, I didn’t.

OP posts:
Bookoffacts · 28/02/2020 21:54

Why is lying on your side any different to lying on back with legs spread?

Original poster
MadameBee · 28/02/2020 21:57

It just felt horrible - I can’t explain why can I? It’s so personal.

OP posts:
TabbyMumz · 28/02/2020 22:00

"Easier for who? "

Easier to see the cervix. Therefore easier for him, and you. I dont see why you think this position is pervy? It's more discreet than lying there with your legs open and everything on view.

"Considering the VE wasn’t necessary there were no concerns, I knew I was pregnant. I hadn’t stated that I had any issues with VE’s."
Lots of medical people have told you it's normal. Perhaps the GP thought it was necessary?

Original poster
MadameBee · 28/02/2020 22:04

Lots of medical people - yes on Mumsnet, tonight.

With all due respect they aren’t proven to be “medical people” are they? They are saying they are on an annoymous forum.

This is something that has disturbed me for over 20 years and you are having a go at me about it Sad

OP posts:
TabbyMumz · 28/02/2020 22:05

Question for you...you said "I had cancer at 16, does that let me off"? Let you off what?
And what was your cancer of? The cervix?

Original poster
MadameBee · 28/02/2020 22:06

The spine.

OP posts:
Original poster
MadameBee · 28/02/2020 22:09

Let me off being so incredibly “lucky” to have not suffered during a vaginal examination.

OP posts:
TabbyMumz · 28/02/2020 22:09

"With all due respect they aren’t proven to be “medical people” are they? They are saying they are on an annoymous forum."
Well they all sounded pretty knowledgeable to me. There's been lots of people on here explaining all about it. I'm pretty sure they arent making it up. Why are you refusing to believe what they are saying? Noone is having a go at you, I just dont understand why you felt it was pervy. You said you were young, we all remember being young and having to have these sorts of things done...our first smear etc, they arent pleasant.

Original poster
MadameBee · 28/02/2020 22:09

Had a blood transfusion pre 91 and contracted a BBV.

OP posts:
TabbyMumz · 28/02/2020 22:10

"Let me off being so incredibly “lucky” to have not suffered during a vaginal examination."
Ah ok. Well a lot of people do feel pain at smears etc, this isnt unusual.

WhatILoved · 28/02/2020 22:11

Hey. I had internals on both 12 week scans on both my pregnancies.

Also have had smears where I had to tilt myself upwards due to position of cervix. Doesn't sound strange to me especially as your ex was there - what does he think - do you still get on well enough to ask him?

Original poster
MadameBee · 28/02/2020 22:11

I had already had a child I wasn’t a naive child myself.

It felt horrible and uncomfortable.

OP posts:
TypingError · 28/02/2020 22:13

I have never felt pain during a smear test done in the “missionary” position

I've always found smear tests pretty painful. I know a lot of people who do. Some do, some don't.

gettingfedupagain · 28/02/2020 22:16

I've got an inverted uterus and I was in the same position for my coil fitting

Original poster
MadameBee · 28/02/2020 22:16

I feel like I am having to justify my discomfort which is making me feel a bit shit tbh.

OP posts:
loutypips · 28/02/2020 22:21

I had to have an internal at a&e when having an ectopic pregnancy. It was to see how far along roughly I was (it was a couple of months after having my dd and so periods had not returned) as they couldn't scan until the ultrasound dept opened the next day.

I think that's how they used to date pregnancies before ultrasound was so available.

I would assume that as your partner was there they assumed that a chaperone wasn't needed. Although last time I went to the doctor with piles, I was in so much pain I didn't care about showing my arse to the doctor, even though he was incredibly gorgeous. I didn't want to wait another hour for a nurse to be free, so I just said go ahead.

WhatILoved · 28/02/2020 22:21

If you really feel uncomfortable about what happened then you should definitely make enquiries into what happened.
However your post was asking if anyone else had experienced similiar or what their opinions are. I hated both my internals but in many countries this is a routine part of early pregnancy.

WhiteBadger · 28/02/2020 22:23

OP I had a smear from a male doctor when I was in my 20s, and had never been bothered by having male doctors before.

But there was something about it that was a bit "off" he didn't touch me wrong or anything like that, I just felt very uneasy and violated.

And for the next 35 years I have never had a male doctor near my vagina!! I often think of him and wonder if he's been done for something . Don't know his name though.

Don't let anyone on this thread bully you. You know how you felt at the time, and still feel.

WhatILoved · 28/02/2020 22:23

Also I'm remembering now that a nurse checked my stitches and piles on my side. She was not trained in UK, she was a nurse trained in Philippines

Toomuchtrouble4me · 28/02/2020 22:24

Yep-I went into A&E with an asthma attack in my early 20's and a man in a white coat and stethoscope (Presume he was a doctor!!!) gave me a thorough breast exam and I set there and let him. I've been treated in a&e at least 10 times since and have never never had that. bastard.

WhatILoved · 28/02/2020 22:28

You were one in the room OP, none of us. Go with your gut

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