Was this weird at best - possibly triggering

[MadameBee]

20 odd years ago I had just found out I was pregnant with my 2nd child, my DD.

I went to the GP (in NZ) to confirm the pregnancy I guess and my EXH was there.

GP was a guy about 55/60 (don’t know if this is relevant) and I was 23.

He insisted on giving me an internal examination (I was about 7/8 weeks pregnant) while my ex watched (no curtain or anything) but (this is the weird bit) the GP made me lie on my side and put the speculum in from behind (so my arse was facing Ex) while explaining to Ex that this way was a lot easier.

To this day it makes me feel really yuck and at the time I felt like the GP was getting off in this.

Firstly the examination was totally unnecessary and the way he did it was almost pervy?

Has anyone else ever had an examination like that?

Have I over thought this?

[Aridane]

Years ago I was referred to a specialist for Poly cystic Ovrarian disease - as part of the examination he cupped my breasts and tweaked the nipples , to this day I wish I’d done something about it but he was elderly then and probably retired now

WTF

[WaterOffADucksCrack]

OP I'm a survivor of sexual abuse and multiple rapes. If you felt uncomfortable then who are we to tell you you should feel different?

I'm sorry you went through this and I'm sorry you carry it with you

[NameCalling]

I think if a) he had put a curtain around you and b) asked if you minded being examined in this position, you may have felt less helpless/violated.

I am sorry that you feel like this, and it still continues to haunt you.

[Coffeeisnecessary]

I don't think people are trying to attack you op, I think they are trying to reassure you that this is a normal position to examine someone in, and that looking at the cervix in early pregnancy can be a diagnostic tool? Your original post sounded like you were trying to find out if these things were normal which people have confirmed that they can be in older GPs. Although it may not change how you felt in the situation, surely it is good to know there may have been no sinister motives?

[greyspottedgoose]

Iv had a smear test like that a couple of times and have been told its easier, but iv never had an internal exam in early pregnancy

[CallItLoneliness]

@MadameBee it wasn't in New Plymouth was it? I'm so sorry you felt uncomfortable, and can see how you would have. At best you have had extremely substandard medical care; the doctor should have explained what he was doing and why, then asked if you were ok with it or not. It doesn't matter whether the care was 'standard', it needed to be ok with you and it wasn't.

[pemberleypearl]

I understand entirely why you feel violated. I'm sorry. I liked Jagzorx post.

[mrsbyers]

Years ago I was referred to a specialist for Poly cystic Ovrarian disease - as part of the examination he cupped my breasts and tweaked the nipples , to this day I wish I’d done something about it but he was elderly then and probably retired now

[MadameBee]

@BalanchineBallet

I don’t “want” anything.

It’s reassuring that it is “common” practice.

It still made me feel uncomfortable.

[Member984815]

Some doctors do internals while you are on your side but most doctors don't invite partners to watch , . Did he ask your permission ?

[S0upertrooper]

Perhaps this is partly why internal examinations in early pregnancy rarely take place and also why chaperones now exist. I think I would have felt uncomfortable having 2 men and no woman present, regardless if one was my partner. It sounds as if the GP explained the procedure to your partner and not you, which also is inappropriate. At my GP appointment in EP, he examined my breasts. I felt uncomfortable but was completely clueless until a midwife friend pointed out that shouldn't have happened.

It is ok to feel how you do about this OP even if others don't, we are all different and pick up different vibes from folk but maybe consider talking it over with a professional who can help you resolve your feelings.

[Candymay]

It’s awful. Sorry it happened to you. I had similar awful experiences twice with two different doctors. Both events were so long ago but I still have flashbacks. It’s the shame and the humiliation. Unspeakable for me.

[Felicitycity]

After having one of my kids my GP checked my stitches this way. I'm 100% sure there was nothing dodgy about it. I think it was more convenient for him and more comfortable for me.

[Mittens030869]

He should have taken the time to explain what he was doing and why it was necessary. He should also have asked you whether you wanted a chaperone in there with you and he should definitely have given you privacy.

From what some posters are saying, it is a legit way to examine the cervix. That doesn't make it any less intrusive. I find this type of internal examination very triggering because of my childhood SA, and there are obviously a lot of other women who feel the same way, though obviously not necessarily for the same reason.

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

@Sadiesnakes - I cant speak for other posters on here, but I am most definitely not an apologist for men - I am trying to reassure @MadameBee and try to help her feel a bit better about that examination. I’m not sure why this is a bad thing to do.

[eaglejulesk]

I've had smear tests done like that too, it's not unusual.

[mbhgfcbyyrrx]

I've had smear tests this way a few times...

[BalanchineBallet]

What do you want from this thread OP? You asked people’s thoughts, they think it was legit (the position at least), and you are upset they haven’t all said “this was definitely wrong”.

It is an accepted, if not the default, position for VEs. You were accompanied by your partner. It is outdated, but was a common method and still is in some places, to do internals in early pregnancy.

What do you want people to say? I’m sorry you’re unhappy about this. None of us can guarantee his motivations. But I don’t think anyone can say it was definitely wrong given the medical techniques used were legit.

[Entschuldigung]

I've had a smear test done this way by a nurse trained in NZ. She said that's how they're trained to do it there. It felt less intrusive as didn't have to open legs. Lay on my side mainly covered up. I preferred it.

I felt weird about the female GP who did a smear test on me when I went to ask for the pill. She knew I was a virgin so no idea what her reasoning was. She was very disapproving and I had to explain to her how the pill worked as some sort of test to qualify for the prescription! I think she was trying to punish me in some sort of way.

[TypingError]

Just to add to the many posting, I had internal examinations in GPs surgery for both my pregnancies in the 90s. It was common procedure, not unusual and therefore didn't feel sinister.

[livefornaps]

Sorry to jump on your thread to talk about myself but reading these posts made me remember when i was about 11 or 12 and had an itch down there, like thrush and the middle-aged male gp said he was going to have to have a look and i wanted to show i was mature and that i knew that it was an examination.and so nothing to get awkward about and my mum left the room and then i had to lie down while he prodded around down there. I wasn't wearing any knickers. Is this normal?????

[Lynda07]

I'm so sorry MadameBee, things like that are horrible but I can assure you it was quite common practice to diagnose a pregnancy that way at one time. I had a few internal examinations when I was young. I think I'd have preferred being on my side but hey ho, long time ago.

The fact that your partner was in the room - chaperoning you if you like - is reassuring; it's unlikely anybody would sexually assault you with him there.

Yes it is very personal and I certainly would have preferred a woman doctor but if only a male doctor was available at that time one either accepted it or asked for another appointment with a woman. I never felt I was being sexually assaulted during internal examination, am sure I wasn't.

Bless you, I do hope you manage to move past this memory but I do understand your feelings.

[Jagzorx]

A medical examination should never leave you feeling violated OP and I'm sorry that happened to you.

IF it makes you feel better, this is a technique for vaginal examination I have been taught before (I'm a doctor). The vast majority of the time an internal examination will happen with you on your back and legs apart. But I was taught that some women who have been sexually assaulted in the past find that position very vulnerable and reminds them of their trauma, so they may prefer the left lateral position (what you described). I have also used this technique to examine an elderly lady with very painful hips who could not spread her legs apart.

Again, I am in no way trying to devalue your experience or feelings! And obviously I don't know what that particular doctor's motivations were. But I just thought it might make you feel a little bit more comfortable to know that examination the way you experienced it, is an actual technique.

[timeisnotaline]

It does sound like a perfectly legitimate procedure at that time and by someone that age. I’m sorry you’re upset by it, but you must see that people can’t join in to tell you it was wrong when it seems to be quite normal. And you arent prepared to hear this, basically telling people who say I’m a midwife that they could be lying. You should probably talk to someone about this as it’s obviously consuming you.

I have pain during smears as do many women. If this hurt less I’d jump at it.

[Sadiesnakes]

*Some