Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Another wedding seating one

110 replies

Harriett1986 · 28/02/2020 16:09

Getting married this year. Top table is me, fiancée, both sets of parents and our siblings (I have a sister, he a brother). So immediate family only.

My sister has no partner, but his brother has a girlfriend. They’ve been together around 2 years (with one break up lasting a few months). They’re buying a house together.

I don’t want her on the top table because it’s immediate family only, and I don’t know if they’ll stay together. She’d be on the second most important table as it were, with the rest of his family (aunts, cousins etc) who she has met before.

AIBU? Ready to be told I’m cold hearted and mean...

OP posts:
ICanTuckMyBoobsInMyPockets · 28/02/2020 21:27

Best man and MoH sit at the top table with you. Partners do not.

They'll have to suck it up.

BackforGood · 28/02/2020 22:44

I can't think of a wedding where couples were split up confused
even bridesmaids and best men

How many weddings have you been to ?
I've been to dozens upon dozens of weddings and can't think of any wedding (except the odd one and two that didn't have a top table) where they added partners on to the top table unless the best man happened to be married to the MoH

How can she have been your brother's partner for 2 years, and not know anyone else at the wedding ? Confused

grudieabbey · 28/02/2020 22:49

Why do people care about this sort of thing? I’m always baffled. It’s where you put your bum for eating a free meal. Why such drama occurs over this I don’t know. Weddings always seem to be such a faff and stress these days.

And also - for the person who called someone a spinster, the wedding isn’t (as far as I know) taking place in 1834.

JustInCaseCakeHappens · 28/02/2020 22:57

How many weddings have you been to ?
quite a few, does that help?

notanotherjigsawpiece · 28/02/2020 23:36

If she and your brother end up getting married, would you mind if she organised the seating plan so that you and your DH were sitting at different tables? If she’s pissed off, she might do this to return the favour.

Daftodil · 28/02/2020 23:43

Quite usual not to have partners on the top table, isn't it? Last wedding I was at had parents (both sides), bridesmaids and groomsmen on the top table. The partners of the bridesmaids and groomsmen were seated elsewhere with friends. Siblings not in the wedding party (eg groom's sister wasnt a bridesmaid, so she was on a different table with her partner & DC). It's fine.

ElfishBiatch · 28/02/2020 23:44

Why would it matter if they don’t stay together?

Duck90 · 29/02/2020 01:51

If she and your brother end up getting married, would you mind if she organised the seating plan so that you and your DH were sitting at different tables?

Good question, or do only married couples get classified as together forever? Because many married people don’t last a year. She may not want to risk her memories by having your husband at the top table.

SnuggyBuggy · 29/02/2020 07:19

I let my Maid of honour sit with her boyfriend as I asked her and its what she preferred. That said it's not unusual to split up couples in this case.

Personally if my DH was a best man and I didn't really know anyone else I just wouldn't go or I'd only go to the ceremony and evening depending on distance.

I think as long as you let them know what's going on they can plan accordingly depending on what they are comfortable with.

velocitygirl7 · 29/02/2020 07:28

I always inwardly groan at 'top tables' They are so old fashioned and a bit naff really.
The best weddings are informal, they seem to be the ones that people really enjoy and talk about years later.

Mummyme87 · 29/02/2020 07:46

I don’t agree with separating couples personally. I’ve come to a wedding as a couple and I want to sit as a couple. I marry in 6weeks.
Our ‘top table’ is round and has me and OH, our two children, my sister and her BF (who I have only met once briefly and wasn’t particularly a fan of, and best man and his wife. Parents are sitting on different table, both of mine are divorced and remarried so wouldn’t want them all on our table. We have also really split up our family and mixed with friends

Damntheman · 29/02/2020 08:35

I also don't like splitting couples. Not everyone is extroverted and will enjoy 'spreading their social wings' for an hour. Just have your and your parents up top there's no need to include moh and bm when they can sit together elsewhere. To be honest with you the top table is an isolating feeling anyway, it's way more fun at one of the other tables.

PhoneLock · 29/02/2020 08:53

The OP shouldn't be judged for how she chooses to have her wedding

Of course she should. Isn't that the whole point of AIBU?

StCharlotte · 29/02/2020 08:56

My DH is a serial best man (he gives good speech!). I've only been on the top table once and wouldn't expect to be.

So YANBU (although YABU to make it so clear how much you dislike her Wink).

LittleCandle · 29/02/2020 08:58

Tell people where they will be sitting if they ask and if they don't like it, they don't have to come. Its your wedding - do what you want and if someone is petty enough to take the huff, do you really want them at your wedding?

PhoneLock · 29/02/2020 09:00

And also - for the person who called someone a spinster, the wedding isn’t (as far as I know) taking place in 1834.

Don't you mean 2005? If I remember correctly, that's when "spinster" stopped being used on marriage certificates.

metellaestinatrio · 29/02/2020 09:03

Personally I find it slightly ridiculous when people can’t bear to be parted from their partner for an hour or two (and would happily sit on a separate table from my DH at a wedding), but as well as being the bride and groom you are also hosting a party and these people are your guests, so I would ask the brother whether he would prefer to sit on the top table or with his girlfriend.

ScarlettBlaize · 29/02/2020 09:04

Its your wedding - do what you want and if someone is petty enough to take the huff, do you really want them at your wedding?

I think it's absolutely crystal clear that she does not want this woman to come to the wedding.

She's 'loud and dominates conversation', the relationship is 'volatile' and 'probably won't last', she's 'never met my mum and sisters [?!!]'.

ChicCroissant · 29/02/2020 09:09

Hmm, I think the table would be arranged differently if (a) the OP liked her and (b) her own sister had a partner!

I prefer to sit with my DH and family at weddings, yes I can talk to people I don't know but the fun is catching up with the people you do know!

Spinster used to be the proper legal term - spinster of this parish!

MakeItRain · 29/02/2020 09:22

I don't get all the "tradition" and formality either. I'd want everyone to feel relaxed. I agree that not everyone finds it easy to sit with people they don't know at a wedding.
Then again I wouldn't ever want a big traditional wedding. Mine was on a beautiful beach and in the water straight after! 😁😁 Not a formal "top table" in sight! Each to their own, and I get that mine probably sounds dreadful to some Grin

Letseatgrandma · 29/02/2020 09:32

Hmm, I think the table would be arranged differently if (a) the OP liked her and (b) her own sister had a partner!

Ha ha, yes-I suspect you’re right Grin

SnoozyLou · 29/02/2020 10:11

Does she actually know anyone else there? I think seating her with a bunch of people she doesn't know is a bit crappy. Just because you can do something, doesn't mean you should.

Hey, maybe she'll return the favour at her wedding and split you and DP up. You know. If you're still together then.

MadameButterface · 29/02/2020 11:11

People who use their weddings and their status as bride aka queen for a day as an opportunity to flex their muscles on friends and family members they have grudges against are always a) blatantly obvious and b) petty as fuck

mrsbyers · 29/02/2020 11:14

What difference does it make if they’ll split up or not ? My now brother in law sat at the top table with his then girlfriend and they did split up - I’m baffled why this would be an issue as any one of the couples could split , parents , siblings even the bride and groom themselves or is this about photos ?

cocomelon23 · 29/02/2020 11:24

I've not got partners on my top table. Theres not enough room. I'm not kicking off one of the parents to have a best mans wife or gf on the top table.
I was on the top table away from dp at my best friends wedding last year. It never entered my mind to be annoyed about that.