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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Another wedding seating one

110 replies

Harriett1986 · 28/02/2020 16:09

Getting married this year. Top table is me, fiancée, both sets of parents and our siblings (I have a sister, he a brother). So immediate family only.

My sister has no partner, but his brother has a girlfriend. They’ve been together around 2 years (with one break up lasting a few months). They’re buying a house together.

I don’t want her on the top table because it’s immediate family only, and I don’t know if they’ll stay together. She’d be on the second most important table as it were, with the rest of his family (aunts, cousins etc) who she has met before.

AIBU? Ready to be told I’m cold hearted and mean...

OP posts:
GreenTulips · 28/02/2020 17:43

Can’t believe all these people couldn’t manage an hour with a group of no doubt ordinary people for a chat over dinner

Why so clingy to ‘people I know’ why not spread your wings and make friends even for a few hours

PhoneLock · 28/02/2020 17:44

One way around the problem is to ditch the seating plan altogether. Let people sit where they want. That's what we did.

Zero seating plan stress. Smile

katy1213 · 28/02/2020 17:44

That sounds fine, it's only for an hour. Surely you don't reveal the seating the plan until guests arrive? I wouldn't enter into discussions.

Episcomama · 28/02/2020 17:47

Can’t believe all these people couldn’t manage an hour with a group of no doubt ordinary people for a chat over dinner

I agree completely. You don't need to be "comfortable" with people to survive an hour or two with them.

Babybel90 · 28/02/2020 17:53

I wouldn’t sit them apart, remember you’re hosting them at your event, they’re not props in your photo shoot.

jjjnnnnnrrssss · 28/02/2020 17:53

It's normal to split partners at top table but modern etiquette experts frown upon it. Let people sit with their partners, they like them better than you. Soz

JustInCaseCakeHappens · 28/02/2020 17:53

how ridiculous not to seat partners at the same table.

Not sitting next to each other is one thing, but not at the table?

I do hope for your relationship that they won't stay together, because you are just telling her you don't like her and she doesn't matter.

and I don’t know if they’ll stay together.
I don't know how to describe that horrible comment without being rude frankly.

JustInCaseCakeHappens · 28/02/2020 17:56

Can’t believe all these people couldn’t manage an hour with a group of no doubt ordinary people for a chat over dinner

don't be daft. I would hate not to be at the same table as DH.
I manage perfectly well on my own, thank you, I work, travel, and go to work events all by myself like a big girl. However, a family wedding is not work, it's a party and one of the short times I can actually spend with my DH. I enjoy being with him, and we socialise very well together.

Being sent at another table because the bride "doesn't know if we will stay together" is on another level!

saraclara · 28/02/2020 17:57

My daughter had circular tables for all. There was no formal 'top table' but she, the groom, the parents and siblings (and their live-in partners - both of whom had only been on the scene for 18 months or so) were all together at the one table. It would have been weird I think, to have separated the partners. It's not like every photo would have had them in it, should either couple split up.

BackforGood · 28/02/2020 18:02

Perfectly normal not to be sitting next to your partner, if your partner is part of the main wedding party.

Some people put all the partners together, others will put them with other close family - depends who know who and who you think would get along / look after an individual at a table.
Is more commonly best man and bridesmaid, but of course they could be them (?)
This has nothing to do with how long someone has been together, or if the bride "judges" that their relationship will last or not.
You have to wonder about people that can't manage to chat to other folk at a meal for an hour and a half.

notanotherjigsawpiece · 28/02/2020 18:02

Oh I wouldn’t split them up in the seating plan. I would absolutely hate that if I were the girlfriend. It’s not a case of being unable to make conversation with others - but it’s just so old-fashioned and unnecessary. When I got married I didn’t have a “top table” - we sat with my parents and PIL and let everyone else sit where they wanted. I would have hated any of our guests to feel uncomfortable.

I am reasonably good at mixing with others and making small talk - but would I want to do it at a wedding when my partner was seated elsewhere? Hell no.

HugoSpritz · 28/02/2020 18:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

leftovercoffeecake · 28/02/2020 18:07

I wouldn’t split them up. Yes, I’m sure they can both cope without each other for an hour, but it’s a wedding and people should have fun. I would think of their happiness rather than a seating plan formality.

Original poster
Harriett1986 · 28/02/2020 18:12

Not to drip feed but for those who said it’s strange for siblings to sit at the top table - it’s because they are also Best Man and Maid of Honour

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 28/02/2020 18:14

it’s because they are also Best Man and Maid of Honour

Why didn’t you say that in your earlier post? Hmm

strawberry2017 · 28/02/2020 18:24

I wouldn't have the GF at the top table. That's just weird. I would speak to your DB and let him sit with her if he prefers.
Don't make a big deal out of it if he chooses to sit with her. He probably should sit with her in fairness. I agree she shouldn't be alone but I definitely don't think that should be on the top table

rookiemere · 28/02/2020 18:25

I think it's a bit mean to split people up. It costs quite a lot to attend a wedding with outfits, travel, overpriced hotel drinks - I would try to sit couples together where possible.

JustInCaseCakeHappens · 28/02/2020 18:28

I can't think of a wedding where couples were split up Confused
even bridesmaids and best men

What's next? A bride's table for females and a groom's table for men? Grin

Mamabear88 · 28/02/2020 18:30

I think you're being mean and should sit them together. They're buying a house together so that's pretty serious and I wouldn't be happy to be sat apart if it were me. Prepare for upset if you do decide to separate them!

PurpleDaisies · 28/02/2020 18:31

Prepare for upset if you do decide to separate them!

Even though he’s the best man?

saraclara · 28/02/2020 18:33

It would feel really weird to me, to share a meal with my family without their partners sitting next to them. And two years is hardly a fly by night relationship.
Do you not like her?

JustInCaseCakeHappens · 28/02/2020 18:35

Do you not like her?
that's clearly the message here!

TidyDancer · 28/02/2020 18:35

I think you're fine to split them in these circumstances. It's not like you're not inviting her. She would be a bit of a drama llama if she had a problem with this. It's only for the meal and speeches after all!

GreenTulips · 28/02/2020 18:35

My DH was best Man on the top table

I sat with his friends and had a blast.

I’m also a big girl who can manage to chat to others without the need for DH to be next to me.

These were his friends - they were nice people!

Sockwomble · 28/02/2020 18:42

At my wedding many years ago the best man's partner sat at the top table. They are not together now but I don't see how that would be relevant. Siblings and bridesmaids with and without partners sat elsewhere.