Misconceptions over home education and socialisation

[PeachAndorange]

Why is this the case? I’m sick of hearing it as it isn’t true ?
There are HE groups and also other activities at weekends and evenings that any children can go to
Play dates with friends
Family gatherings

All I’m hearing is that my child will be isolated and this was a negative choice .... it’s not and seems it’s just the general consensus that parents do this to isolate and it couldn’t be further from the truth

I think there is a difference between socialising when your parents are there and when they aren't. Especially at secondary age. The home educated kids I know are basically never out of their mother's sight even when at groups and activities. I think it's stifling.

I've no idea. Because they're not spending hours in a day with 30 other kids all born within the same year as them? That is obviously the only and correct way to socialise.

My son was miserable in school. He had one friend, was bullied for being different (he has asd and adhd and has some special interests that aren't what the majority of kids at school are into)

Since he's been home educated he's got a good group of friends who get him. He goes to loads of clubs, both home Ed and after school stuff like Scouts, and is happy to chat away to adults and children alike.

I think people think "home" education and imagine they are sat alone at home all day working on work books etc, never going out and meeting anyone at all.

This is why we’ve chosen a mix - not just HE groups where you stay but groups at evening and weekend that are drop off and mostly attended by non HE children
It’s for primary age if that makes a difference

Yes this is what I think we are up against the notion that we are making our child sit alone with no interaction but I’d guess there’s more socialising and so all variation this way tbh

I don't think the issue is socialisation as such, it's learning to deal with petty officialdom. Having to comply with school rules (which are often purely about crowd control and are pretty pointless otherwise) gives you a good grounding for dealing with eg jobsworth local government officials. Or computer says no retail workers.

My perception is that home educated people are usually rather more individualistic in their outlook and that is a good thing, but can be particularly difficult for them in the sort of scenarios I've outlined above.

But plenty of kids go to school and don't make friends there, they find their friends via hobbies outside school. I can't see why home-educated children would be a disadvantage.

So all-more thanks autocorrect

It won’t be same mix of children as at school They also won’t have same opportunity to socialise without parents. Whilst kids chat at dancing or brownies etc it’s not same as school based friendships. Seeing someone once a week at homeschool club with mum sat at back of room won’t allow them to develop friendship in same way as children who see each other daily.

I don't home educate but I think it depends on the area. Some places are full of Home Education groups, others have hardly any. A friend of mine considered home education but was put off by the lack of a local network.

Also, extra curricular activities don't, in my experience, lead to the same type of friendships as school. My children do a few different activities and have been alongside the same children for several years, but although they are friendly during the activity, they wouldn't get together outside of it. There isn't much time to socialise as they are busy getting on with the activity.

If you are a sociable parent, you may seek out lots of opportunities for your DC to socialise, but not all home educating parents are keen to.

It’s just tricky we seem to be having to answer more about socialisation than education !

We've done both, and tbh my kids are happier/better socialised in school. But my oldest has probable ASD and was prone to impulsively lashing out when stressed (this was when he was 5/6, but I found people didn't give him a 2nd chance even tho he grew out of it), so the other HE parents made it pretty clear they didn't want their children near him (understandable, though I was always nearby to step in when required) and we were excluded both covertly and overtly. He copes better within the routine of school and his sibling can make friends without being automatically connected to a "challenging" brother as happened in home ed groups.

I think that overall HE kids often are very well socialised, but it's also easy for them to be excluded as others arent obligated to spend time with them the way they are in school. A lot depends on the individual child and how welcoming the local HE scene is.

It won’t be same mix of children as at school They also won’t have same opportunity to socialise without parents. Whilst kids chat at dancing or brownies etc it’s not same as school based friendships. Seeing someone once a week at homeschool club with mum sat at back of room won’t allow them to develop friendship in same way as children who see each other daily

Totally agree. This is true even for my 3 year old. He has two days at home where we go to a variety of play groups but he barely knows any of the other kids compared with being genuinely friends with other children at nursery

Your children are highly likely to get a better education than those children whose schools are to be closed for up to 8 weeks due to the corona virus and that's just the start!
I think people fear the unknown. It's not as regulated as school and the structure isn't rigid enough for others.
Some people are able to drop their children off at school, work and not worry too much about childcare until later on in the evenings and during school holidays. The alternative is not for everyone.
In this nanny state, you have chosen to parent in an alternative way that also includes education all the time.
I totally admire you and all those who HE, you think outside the box and empower your children to do so also.

@Settlersofcatan, my DP stayed friends with all his secondary school friends and sees them all the time now they're adults.
My secondary school friends all cut ties with each other through uni, house moves and the like. I regularly see my friends who I met through weekly riding and swimming lessons, years and years later.
We all choose our friendship groups differently.

I think there is a difference between socialising when your parents are there and when they aren't.

I agree with this. I think school offers a different kind of socialisation, it’s hours away from your family home and parents in a way extra curricular activities just aren’t. I also don’t think friendships from an hour or two a week doing extra curricular activities are the same as ones from school friends who you spend hours a week with.

My friend home educates and her children are a bit strange, I always find this with home-Ed kids. Friend likes it because they don’t follow ‘mainstream’ likes and dislikes but imo they just follow her likes and dislikes instead, they’re not really allowed to be their own people. They go swimming, horse riding and to Cubs but aside from Cubs, she stays with them at those groups. They’re very much attached to her in every way and the people in her home ed group are all similar too.

I think school mixes you with a variety of people from different backgrounds, you just don’t get that when home educated.

The types of children who might be quite different to your children and be challenging to deal with day to day, won’t necessarily be the ones going to after school clubs. The mix that occurs at school won’t be as broad for HE children.

Friend likes it because they don’t follow ‘mainstream’ likes and dislikes but imo they just follow her likes and dislikes instead, they’re not really allowed to be their own people

I noticed this a lot when we were home educating. Not with ALL home ed parents hit certainly some. The kids were an extension of the parents rather than their own people. They often had unusual names designed to showcase how different or nature loving the parents were, and would be arty if the parents were or sporty if the parents were (as are a lot of schooled children of course). But, it's pros and cons - peer influence isn't always a good thing either, especially at secondary!

But* not hit

It depends on your area, and it depends on your budget.

Not everyone can afford to a) not work obviously but b) take the kids to all sorts of clubs and activities.

Not everyone is open minded enough to let the children decide what activity they want to do without their parents in the background too.

Even in mainstream school, parents direct the friendships - you invite certain people around, not others. It's not about being a "snobby cunt" as someone elegantly put it on another thread, it just makes more sense to socialise with people you get on well.

Not every parent is able to HE properly either.

I've home educated for 15 years now and at various points taught in schools and had a child in school.
I think there are misconceptions on both sides.

My youngest who is still at home ed was with me almost constantly until about 8 1/2. We'd do meet ups when I was very much in the background and if something came up he'd happily go to nearest adult. No problem leaving him at Beavers or occasionally with other parents/kids. It's generally accepted in the home ed world that when we have mixed ages on trips/activities families divide up and parents share out responsibility. Being present doesn't mean interfering or hovering.
At 8 1/2 he found his wings. He would go to library while I was in shops, or other shops (small community), very confident dealing with adults. Loads of Cub activities/sleepovers/whole day activities where I wasn't present on a weekly basis.
At 14 I have little involvement in his social life beyond funding it. He arranges stuff, catches buses etc.

Neither though do I think school is the no talking in class, full of bullies place that some home educators portray.

Experiences are very unique. My eldest was very social, just wanted a large group of mates to kick a football around with, as he got older that got harder in home ed so he went to school. Youngest doesn't like big groups, is quieter and a bit geeky - he has thrived socially in home ed. His friendship group has changed many times over the years as they have grown. He has a close knit bunch of good friends and a wide circle with whom he's friendly. Through groups and classes he gets experience of mixing with people he finds difficult at times but that's life to do the activity you rub along.

It is (most often) a kneejerk reaction from people who haven't thought about it very much "Oh home ed- that's the one where they get no socialisation".

Of course home educated children have time when they are away from their parents why on earth would this not happen? Playdates, visiting family members, groups, activities, etc?

There must be overbearing, controlling parents present in every group of children - home education must have them as well but it doesn't follow that it's the majority.

Your children are highly likely to get a better education than those children whose schools are to be closed for up to 8 weeks due to the corona virus and that's just the start!

we are not quite there yet

YY Stillgood, very good point about misconceptions on both sides - school is nothing like what some of my home ed friends reckon it must be like! Of course there are real failures in the school system - inclusion of DC with SEN being a big one - but I do sometimes think some people have a picture of school which is at least 30-40 years out of date!

I totally admire you and all those who HE, you think outside the box and empower your children to do so also.

another way to see it is to recognise that trained teachers are better at teaching some things than a parent will. Even with kids at school, normal parents still see them enough to teach them not to blindly accept or agree with everything someone says.

Now I know some HE children who benefit from very good tutors, but not everybody can afford that lifestyle.

Pretending school or HE is black and white is not really helpful to stop misconceptions.

Because some parents do control their he kids completely even if you do not. Socialising only in the presence of a parent with "friends" parents have chosen for instance. Many parents do he well, but not all - the question is how do we as a society ensure all young people get an education?

school is nothing like what some of my home ed friends reckon it must be like

I agree.
I was even surprised, and I still am, when I see how much my kids actually learn and discover at school.